November 19, 2010

My Burden

When the people of the community that I found here came together, it was to find the God that we found in our bibles, but not in our churches. We started off with a fervency that was passionate and palpable. We relied on one another to question what we had found where we were, and to seek the true nature of the one we loved above all else. WE cried, railed, prayed, and sought comfort from one another. We found what we needed here.

But this is where my burden comes in. For many, the thoughts that I put on the pages were new, radical, and almost heretic. For me it was to search out the true nature of the one I loved. For me, I found the one who is full of love, grace, mercy, and caring. Placed myself with in His hands, and allowed myself to be carried by Him always. Here I found the Something Else that I was looking for and was fulfilled. I needed nothing else. So I withdrew from this community somewhat, not really needing what I found here anymore. From this action, this is my fear.

By giving voice to the radical thoughts and leading to new places, gave permission to others to do the same. They went and looked, everywhere. Finding things that did not have to do with God. In one post here, I said, do not concern yourself with Satan, for then he will determine your path by doing things in reaction to your fear of what will happen if you allow temptation in. This is correct to a point, but not completely accurate. For to have this happen and not to be influenced by Satan, one must keep one's eyes on the Father at all times. When this is not done, then Satan can do his work. What are his works? The answer is simple: confusion, doubt, anger, selfishness, (holding ones beliefs as more foolproof than anyone else's) selfrighteousness, (I know better than you) hard heartedness, (not willing to bend to different ideas) lack of conviction, (there is no proof) helplessness, (not being able to rely on anyone, (feeling that no one can really help) and finally faithlessness. This is to where many of the seekers have ended their journey. For this I feel to be at partial fault.

The belief in Satan for me is as real as my belief in God. For if one part is true, then all is true. Satan does have power, and he does use it. But he is subtle, has patience, and knows when the time is right to insert the feelings that will lead us away from God. We do not need to be lead to Satan, just away from God, and to ourselves. Where we are the final judge of us. When Satan has done that, he has completed his job. Watching from afar, many of you have followed this exact path. IT GRIEVES ME DEEPLY. That ones so loved have gone so far off of the path that they themselves chose. Why the new path? Did you choose it? I don't think so.

Unfortunately for you, the path to really know God is HARD. So let me tell you what happened to me. He took every monetary thing that I had built up out of my pride in the abilities that he gave me. I went into bankruptcy, and had nothing but necessities. Food, clothing, and shelter. Then, he made it so that I could not provide even that. For the Man of the House to not be able to provide, took all of the rest of the pride that I had. I threw myself at his feet, and gave myself wholly into His care, and We cared for me. Provided for me the things that I needed beyond my ability to do so. Proving to me, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that He is the loving caring God that watches over each and everyone of us. Loves us, cares about us, and will deliver us from our afflictions. The only way I know to reach that deep faith is to have everything taken from you, and have only Him lift you out of the pits of despair with His provenance. Unfortunately, I pray this for each and every one of you. That you come to rely on Him in your darkest hour, and be fulfilled by faith knowing He was the deliverer, your Savior from the situation that you were in.

What will this look like? Loss of income, medical insurance, infidelity, strife within the families once close knit, and many other things. Why will this happen? Because you are no longer protected, and Satan is allowed to have his way in your life without having to ask permission. Since you are away from God, you are now free game.

Obeying God is one of the tenets of keeping salvation. This is not a post I want to write, but feel lead to write out of love. For I do love those that have gathered here. The once beautiful and loving thing that was here is now gone. What I have found are unyielding personalities convinced of their own rightness, and anger at those that would try to point to anything else. Hard hearts, that while they still may be gracious, are as of stone to hearing the gospel.

This work is coming from the radical whose espoused the things that other would not dare to think. Now, I am sure you see them as pedestrian and ridiculous. Just ask yourself, why did that change?


Erin said...

Thoughts from my perspective...and please know I love you and value your voice through the years...

What happened to the grace, Nate?

We are all on a journey...whether or not it brings us to a place of certainty of anything, we are all subject to change until the day we die. Although some people have made up their minds, nothing about that is eternally absolute.

And if the open-hearted searching leads to a place of confusion, a place of doubt, or a place of unbelief, does that yet render impotent the power of God?

I would place more faith in the power of unconditional grace and love, and in the responsibility of God himself for a person's heart, before anything else.

My own pain in my journey and the heartbreak of unbelief is still valuable to me, if only for the possibility of seeing God reach beyond the unknowing chaos and pull out a thread of hope. This week, he has.

To that I cling.

Nate said...

Erin, Sorry I haven't gotten back. No real excuse.

Grace has requirements. You have to accept it, and believe it. It will not just save you. It will always be there. But you have to decide.

Sorry to hear about your friend. Sudden death is something I know about.

For you and your whole life, all I wish you is peace in your spirit. God gave it to me, maybe he will do the same for you.

Erin said...

No worries Nate.

I just have to be honest - I no longer possess any real motivation to believe. Yes I experience awe and wonder at this great creation, I desire love above all else, and I believe there is something or someone involved in all of it. But I don't really believe much else. I suppose it makes me a deist of some sort.

Anyhow, I appreciate the conversation.

One Voice of Many said...

Nate - I hear you in your burden but I wanted to express my gratitude for all the thought that you have given to my searching over the years. It's not gone to waste. You can't assume where anyone will wind up in the end - we're all trudging along our path as best we can. But your friendship and encouragement has opened avenues of thought for all of us. As with any ping pong ball it's impossible ot predict which directions thoughts will spring but you have been a catalyst for a lot of newness. Don't focus on the burden. Focus on the light that you've shown along the way.