December 22, 2010

Quote From Stephen King

You doom yourselves, Susannah. You seem positively bent on it. And the root is always the same: your faith fails you, and you replace it with rational thought. But there is no love in thought, nothing that lasts in deduction, only death in rationalization.

The Dark Tower Six / Song of Susannah / Paperback Page 146 Paragraph 3

November 19, 2010

My Burden

When the people of the community that I found here came together, it was to find the God that we found in our bibles, but not in our churches. We started off with a fervency that was passionate and palpable. We relied on one another to question what we had found where we were, and to seek the true nature of the one we loved above all else. WE cried, railed, prayed, and sought comfort from one another. We found what we needed here.

But this is where my burden comes in. For many, the thoughts that I put on the pages were new, radical, and almost heretic. For me it was to search out the true nature of the one I loved. For me, I found the one who is full of love, grace, mercy, and caring. Placed myself with in His hands, and allowed myself to be carried by Him always. Here I found the Something Else that I was looking for and was fulfilled. I needed nothing else. So I withdrew from this community somewhat, not really needing what I found here anymore. From this action, this is my fear.

By giving voice to the radical thoughts and leading to new places, gave permission to others to do the same. They went and looked, everywhere. Finding things that did not have to do with God. In one post here, I said, do not concern yourself with Satan, for then he will determine your path by doing things in reaction to your fear of what will happen if you allow temptation in. This is correct to a point, but not completely accurate. For to have this happen and not to be influenced by Satan, one must keep one's eyes on the Father at all times. When this is not done, then Satan can do his work. What are his works? The answer is simple: confusion, doubt, anger, selfishness, (holding ones beliefs as more foolproof than anyone else's) selfrighteousness, (I know better than you) hard heartedness, (not willing to bend to different ideas) lack of conviction, (there is no proof) helplessness, (not being able to rely on anyone, (feeling that no one can really help) and finally faithlessness. This is to where many of the seekers have ended their journey. For this I feel to be at partial fault.

The belief in Satan for me is as real as my belief in God. For if one part is true, then all is true. Satan does have power, and he does use it. But he is subtle, has patience, and knows when the time is right to insert the feelings that will lead us away from God. We do not need to be lead to Satan, just away from God, and to ourselves. Where we are the final judge of us. When Satan has done that, he has completed his job. Watching from afar, many of you have followed this exact path. IT GRIEVES ME DEEPLY. That ones so loved have gone so far off of the path that they themselves chose. Why the new path? Did you choose it? I don't think so.

Unfortunately for you, the path to really know God is HARD. So let me tell you what happened to me. He took every monetary thing that I had built up out of my pride in the abilities that he gave me. I went into bankruptcy, and had nothing but necessities. Food, clothing, and shelter. Then, he made it so that I could not provide even that. For the Man of the House to not be able to provide, took all of the rest of the pride that I had. I threw myself at his feet, and gave myself wholly into His care, and We cared for me. Provided for me the things that I needed beyond my ability to do so. Proving to me, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that He is the loving caring God that watches over each and everyone of us. Loves us, cares about us, and will deliver us from our afflictions. The only way I know to reach that deep faith is to have everything taken from you, and have only Him lift you out of the pits of despair with His provenance. Unfortunately, I pray this for each and every one of you. That you come to rely on Him in your darkest hour, and be fulfilled by faith knowing He was the deliverer, your Savior from the situation that you were in.

What will this look like? Loss of income, medical insurance, infidelity, strife within the families once close knit, and many other things. Why will this happen? Because you are no longer protected, and Satan is allowed to have his way in your life without having to ask permission. Since you are away from God, you are now free game.

Obeying God is one of the tenets of keeping salvation. This is not a post I want to write, but feel lead to write out of love. For I do love those that have gathered here. The once beautiful and loving thing that was here is now gone. What I have found are unyielding personalities convinced of their own rightness, and anger at those that would try to point to anything else. Hard hearts, that while they still may be gracious, are as of stone to hearing the gospel.

This work is coming from the radical whose espoused the things that other would not dare to think. Now, I am sure you see them as pedestrian and ridiculous. Just ask yourself, why did that change?

October 26, 2010

Throwing Out The Baby With The Bath Water

Being somewhat gone from the proceedings and precesses of those out there that have been continuing to go through religious realignment, has given me a pretty clear and unbiased picture starting to come through. That picture is really startling.

We have completely come to the correct realization that organized religion for the most part is complete bullshit. No problem with that. We threw out the bath water.

But them, we started questioning everything, like ourselves. We lost confidence in ourselves. Second guessing ourselves. If we were taken in by this, how can we trust our own judgement? I will tell you, that you were not taken in. How can this be? Because you just did not have enough information to make the correct decision. It wasn't deliberately being witheld from you. But we got the information anyway. How? Through bible study. The thing that our churches wanted us to do, caused us to fall away from the church. No, let me refrase that, we made the correct choice of moving towards God. But with the shaken confidence in ourselves, led us down roads that we never would have travelled if we still had the confidence in ourselves.

So in questioning our fitness for being wise judges, some have chosen not to choose, and there fore not be right or wrong. This to me is throwing out the baby. We have decided that instead of blaming the organization of humans, that do crap wrong all of the time, we started blaming the entity that was being exploited. We start saying that the entity that has sustained itself for thousands of years, really isn't there. Where are the druids, the followers of baal, and the followers of the aztec Gods that required human sacrifice. Yes the Hindus and Buhda have been around that long too. The bible even says there are other Gods. But do we reject what we once loved because someone else used there requtation badly. Would we hate Billy Graham if we found out that a group using his name without consent, got you to give a large amount of money to them? Just a thought.

But when cleaning the bathtub, it is as important to know what to throw away, as it is what to keep.

September 21, 2010

I Miss Him Still

Going along with the last post, reading one posting reduced me to utter sobbing and tears. "He Was A Good Shit" 1/1/2008. It was the feelings that I had for my father, right at the time of his death. I am glad those feelings are still there, and still that strong. It would really be a real disapointment to find that they ever leave.

September 18, 2010

The Longview

My grandfather, who I have mentioned many times on this blog, printed out all of my posts, and sent them to me. I have not called him to ask him why. But I will, I am very curious to see why.

Rereading them without having to continuously click and adjust the screen to see the whole post put in a completely new perspective for me. Those things were influenced by all of the people that were part of the blog experience. Thank you for that. It has created a strength and peace that I truly thought could not exist. Thank you.

December 11, 2009

How I Decided: Part Deaux (Starring Charlie Sheen)

OK, no Charlie Sheen, but just some more thinking.

Another thing that I had decided to do, was to give myself a break, and allow myself to be human. That means not perfect. Those that I talk to here, I can feel the want to be all that they can be. Well, God accepts everyone, so why do I have to be perfect? That leads back to "We must give God our best." Well, at the time, I was wheeling so badly, I wasn't giving Him anything. 50% of something, is better than 100% of nothing. Anyway, I stopped torturing myself, and just let myself believe what I do now, and be comfortable with it. May I learn something down the line that changes what I believe, absolutely. But it doesn't stress me that it may happen.

November 30, 2009

How I Decided

Recently, Michelle inspired me to define my beliefs. They were simple, but living. Not dead as in a book. Even the bible to me is basically a dead thing. But an actual living entity all its own. The Holy Spirit is in me, and I listen to him/her/it, and follow its urges as communication from God. I do not wallow in books, or listen to learned men/women, or follow teachings or theories, trying to figure out who I should make myself become. I am me. I do not need to be anything else. I can't be anything else. So why try?

Where did this come from? Unconsciously, I just said, ENOUGH OF THE SHIT!!! Enough of the the endless debates and searching for the next WOW of philosophies or spiritual data that will come along and define me. I decided, it was time for me to define me. Not the others in the world. So, I decided to decide. I decided, for faith. Faith for things not seen, but believed in. Is it rational, or scientifically provable. NO. But it is what I have decided to believe, and tough shit to anyone that doesn't like it. I am not throwing it in anyones face, or being antagonistic with it. But I will not change to please anyone basically.

Like I said earlier, to me it is a living thing this relationship I have with God. He blesses me, I feel his presence, I feel his hand upon my life. That is all the proof I need to believe, and have faith.