How I Decided: Part Deaux (Starring Charlie Sheen)

OK, no Charlie Sheen, but just some more thinking.

Another thing that I had decided to do, was to give myself a break, and allow myself to be human. That means not perfect. Those that I talk to here, I can feel the want to be all that they can be. Well, God accepts everyone, so why do I have to be perfect? That leads back to "We must give God our best." Well, at the time, I was wheeling so badly, I wasn't giving Him anything. 50% of something, is better than 100% of nothing. Anyway, I stopped torturing myself, and just let myself believe what I do now, and be comfortable with it. May I learn something down the line that changes what I believe, absolutely. But it doesn't stress me that it may happen.

How I Decided

Recently, Michelle inspired me to define my beliefs. They were simple, but living. Not dead as in a book. Even the bible to me is basically a dead thing. But an actual living entity all its own. The Holy Spirit is in me, and I listen to him/her/it, and follow its urges as communication from God. I do not wallow in books, or listen to learned men/women, or follow teachings or theories, trying to figure out who I should make myself become. I am me. I do not need to be anything else. I can't be anything else. So why try?

Where did this come from? Unconsciously, I just said, ENOUGH OF THE SHIT!!! Enough of the the endless debates and searching for the next WOW of philosophies or spiritual data that will come along and define me. I decided, it was time for me to define me. Not the others in the world. So, I decided to decide. I decided, for faith. Faith for things not seen, but believed in. Is it rational, or scientifically provable. NO. But it is what I have decided to believe, and tough shit to anyone that doesn't like it. I am not throwing it in anyones face, or being antagonistic with it. But I will not change to please anyone basically.

Like I said earlier, to me it is a living thing this relationship I have with God. He blesses me, I feel his presence, I feel his hand upon my life. That is all the proof I need to believe, and have faith.

Sho'nai

Recently I was ask to define what I believed. That hasn't happened to me in a while. Finally it came down to this. With all of the mountainous amounts of information in the world. The only thing that I know for a certainty, is if you show me information to prove something, I can find information to disprove it. Whether within the bible, scientific texts or anything else for that matter. Especially in science. We are so far from even beginning to understand science it is beyond belief. I suppose it is our ridiculously limited perspective spectrum. But I digress. Basically what I am saying is, that there is no proof or certainty of ANYTHING in this life. I am not guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. I just have to take it on faith that I will. That is the crux of it, FAITH.

Where nothing is certain, belief only comes through our faith that it is. I have never gone to an observatory to prove that the astrological information that has been told to me is correct. I have no tangible evidence AT ALL that what has been told to me about the rings of Saturn is true, because I PERSONALLY have never seen them. Does that mean that they do not exist. No, I have NO proof at all. But I have faith.

Faith in those that depart the message. In my heart I know it is true. That is where all of my searching has taken to me. Inside. To my heart. Inside I believe. No matter what anyone says or does, I have decided to believe. I have decided to have faith. Period. So what does that mean to me. Sho'nai.

It is a game played by a warrior race in a book I was reading. They throw knives at one another, and catch them. It is symbolic for their life philosophy. To cast (as in to throw) themselves out (as into the unknown). I have done this, with the only safety net my Faith in God. It works great, so I will stick with it.

Jesus, David's Lineage?

Jesus will be of King David's lineage. So the prophecy says. So here is the question. Since Jesus was a virgin birth, was Mary of David's lineage? For I am sure God is not. Does anyone know the answer to this question?

Why do I ask since Joseph was of David's lineage? Joseph was Jesus Stepfather, think about it. He was not the biological father. So, was Mary of King David's lineage?

Intelligence As A Curse

One of the most wonderful things that I found when the journey through the blogoshpere first began, was that I was able to converse with people that could actually understand me. Have incredibly in depth conversations that were meaningful and not superficial. To have people that could challenge and stump me and call me on my dumbass shit. (My wife Sherri is great for that) I call it truly wonderful because of one thing, and this is not boasting, just the truth, my mensa membership. Mensa is a social club for the top 2% of intelligences in the world. Really this is not a bragging session, I entered for a resume' builder. The wonder is the number of highly intelligent people that I ran into here. The thoughts that run through the heads of our small community are truly above the normal level of thought. So thank you for the challenging and wonderful things that you have brought to my life.

But, there is also a couple of HUGE drawbacks that intelligence creates. Three are the most prevalent, and the cause of many of our challenges with our faith. They cause us to create lives that are often much less than we and others would think. I have a friend with Genius IQ that has built a nice life for himself, but he is not a researcher looking to prove string theory for look for the God particle. He lives just a normal life, and he is selling cars at the moment. They cause us to be restless, sometimes insensitive, erratic, eclectic, kind of just odd birds. They create much upheaval in our lives.

First is that since we are smarter than anyone else, we don't listen to anyone else. Our experiences have taught us that our perceptions are correct much more often than that of those around us. So we will listen to those around us, but reach our own decisions. Meaning, if we are in an institutional church, we will politely listen to them, then come to our own conclusion, and it will not be that of the institution. Then we feel betrayed that something so important could be imparted to us incorrectly.

Next is that we have a stronger sense of the thing that is built into all humans, it is called the law of diminishing returns. Meaning that the more we experience anything, the less wonderful and exciting it is. My best explanation is that when we have a favorite food, and then proceed to have it everyday for a month, it is not so special anymore. Then it is common and ordinary and does not hold that same special place in our hearts it used to. This causes us to be wanderers in the mental landscape. I have found that truly intelligent hate true change and upheaval. We like our routines and comforts, and hate those things that majorly impinges upon them. But with our mental wanderings, they go far and wide. Erin speaks of the super collider in France, Barry peaks of the philosophies of the world, Michelle speaks of Jung often, these are not normal conversation points for the populace at large. But our minds MUST seek these things out, no choice.

Lastly, we can comprehend those things that others cannot. This is the worst one. Why? Many times we expect that others have to be able to comprehend because it is so obvious. But they are really just completely unable to grasp the entirety of the concept. Many times we judge them for this. We wonder how they can be so small and petty. But that is ofttimes the extent of their mentality. They can do no better. It has been very hard for me to reconcile that fact in my own perceptions and feelings towards those in the establishment. For I am commanded to love them. I find it easier to love the Gay community than the church at the moment, but love them I must. Not just love them, but care about their fate, lives , loves, cares, and anything else. It is hard to reconcile that concept.

What does all of this mean to us, those highly intelligent creatures that have no mental rest or reassurance. Well, it comes down to faith. Faith is belief in things unseen, unprovable, and intangible. Fortunately for me, I have quantifiable proof of providence. But, as stated earlier, we only believe our own conclusions, so you wouldn't believe me if I told you. (ha, ha) We have the hard part. To accept those that, no matter how hard we try, are not EVER going to be at our level of knowledge understanding, or faith. Again, not a boast, just a fact. Some can run the 100M in under 10 Seconds, I can't, it is the same in this. It is just a natural ability, and we cannot fault birth. God made us as he wants us, and to reject His creation to me is wrong.

Broken Belief Structure

It has been a while since I posted with any regularity, feeling like there was not much else to say. Even in the beginning of this transition, I felt that in some way, helping those believers that were actively looking for God, and not finding him in a church would need to be helped to find their way, and not be discouraged. So lately I had been thinking about what the last step is, finding the God they can believe in. Now I have been thinking about what will cause the first step to happen.

This is what I found while reading a blog that did not appeal to me. But it made me think, "why don't others grasp our new truths that we have found?" Pondering that, it hit me. Their belief structure is intact, it has all of the answers it needs, so why would they want new answers? There is no reason for them. Also, within the doctrinally filtered lenses that people tend to look at things, they will just see how whatever you say just fits within their own belief structure, and see no need to change.

BUT, when those that are in earnest about their faith study, and find a different God staring up at them out of the pages of their bible, than the one being told about in church, their belief structure doesn't just crumble, it collapses. Crashing down on them, leaving them angry, bitter and in utter despair. Sound familiar?

I guess the next thing to ponder, is how to get from the first step, to the last, keeping the sanity intact.

Understanding In "MY" Own Way

Things that I could not understand:
*How God is love, yet we are to hate so many different people. (gays, etc...)
*How God is Multi-Polar (multiple personalities) as in the trinity.
*Where did all the rules about cussing and smoking come from?
*Why, if we are supposed to "Go unto the world", were we requiring them to come to us.
*Why, did we expect people that are new to the faith to stand on their own, and not give mentors?
*Why, when some one was having a crisis of faith, did we ostracize them when they showed human frailties?
*Why is Song of Solomon in the bible, yet sex is something so shunned, that it cripples many from having healthy sexual relationships with their own spouses, and effects such horrible responses from people when it is such a natural act?

This is why I no longer go to church. These things and many others simply did not make sense to me, and the hard line doctrines, would never be able to explain. Nor were people in any mood to change their way of being because they did not see it as wrong. I have railed against those people and their shortsightedness, and made some very disturbing references to them. But with this last revelation that has come to me, I realize that I was very unfair to them, especially in my mantra of "personal faith."

The realization came to me as they usually do, when thinking of something else, while also pondering some other good meaning peoples challenges. The question that I was pondering, was how to help those that had lost their way. To do that, (oh God are you really doing this to me) I have to quote a very popular business book that has helped many achieve what they wanted, I had to "start with the end in mind." What was the destination? Where would I take these people that are asking for help? Back into a church system that I personally think is screwed as hell. That they think is screwed as hell. No, that would not do. Then I started thinking about something else, just let my mind wonder, and allowed myself to listen to the spirit. This is what he/she/it said.

"Each has to learn to understand God, in THEIR own way."

Not such an earth shattering statement. Yea, yea, we all know we are supposed to do that. But when I contemplated it, there may have been an actual WOW that escaped my lips. Those people that love to go to church, you know the ones I mean. The ones depicted by Dana Carvey as the church lady. They are understanding, "in THEIR own way." Those who just go in and don't rock the boat, those that are on fifty committees and are at church every day, to those that come when they feel like it only fifteen to twenty times a year, or maybe just Easter and Christmas. Those that go to church as in chat rooms and blogs. Those that will just meet with some friends on occasion and talk about God. That is "THEIR" understanding, and it is enough for them. Who am I to judge. God knows that I am not perfect, and never will be. But he accepts me, so he will accept them too.

So, what each of us that have been through the deconstruction and reconstruction process has found, is not the God depicted to us by a doctrine, not just a God that has already accepted us, but a God "WE" can accept, believe in, and look up to in worship. A God we can "Understand in our OWN way."

Two Weeks

I quit my job in Savannah, GA, because I hated it, and Savannah. It only took two weeks in this economy for me to get another job. One that I did not apply for, and, one where I did not know anyone. That is called providence, and for that I am thankful.

Christian Karma

"Be sure your sins will find you out." Meaning that sooner or later our actions will come back to around to us. So if we do bad things, they will come back, if we do good things, they will come back.

Be Careful What You Pray For

The fun thing about God, is that we do not always get what we want in the way we want. For if we pray for patience, we get the opportunity to practice that patience. If we pray for strength, we get the situation that allows us to be strong.

The Librty Of Christ

I have been thinking lately of the "Liberty of Christ" that Paul spoke of. Most any who consider themselves Christians have felt this at one time or another. The time most spoken of is when they have their conversion experience. When they feel the burdens they possess being lifted to the cross where Jesus so willingly takes those burdens away. The great feeling of relief and freedom that comes with the decision to allow God to rule their lives. What is the first thing that those people do, go to church. Why? Because that is what those who have given their life to God are supposed to do, everyone knows that. Everyone.

When they come in to their new home, looking for the Father, he/she is there to offer advice and give direction on what to do with their new found faith. This is how you should dress, this is how you should pray, this is how you should talk, this is how you should think, this is how you should serve your God, this is how you should behave, those that don't think as you do are not as good as you, you should be constantly trying to get others to believe as you do, this is your mission. Where is the freedom in this?

When those who do not find that "Liberty of Christ" in the church setting, so full of restrictions, the feeling they had when their burdens were lifted, they become disillusioned with their faith. First blaming themselves, as any good christian has been taught to do. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." It is written in the bible, and not to be disputed. Therefore, the fault must lie in their own failings. When they find that this is not really the case, they did all that was ask of them at their church. They then think that what they have been taught was all erroneous, and that their faith was all a lie. That God isn't really there, and having faith is for the stupid and easily fooled. But this is not the case either.

The truth comes in giving yourself to God Himself, and not to a church made of people. God wants you for himself. Not for you to give yourself a new God called the church. We have many Gods in this materialistic world. The God of the "Cool Car", "Nice House", "Latest Cell Phone", "Big Screen TV", "Designer Labels", and so on. Whatever we live our lives for is our God. So if we live our lives for the church, we have replaced our God, with a false one. Satan loves our current church system. It drives as many away from God as to Him.

When those that are disillusioned with all of this, distance themselves from the church, and start living for God alone, do they ever feel the "Liberty of Christ" again. When they throw off the shackles of the rules handed down by men, and accept God's rule in their lives, can the truly freeing feeling of that liberty be felt again. As for me, "Give me liberty, or give me death."