November 30, 2009

How I Decided

Recently, Michelle inspired me to define my beliefs. They were simple, but living. Not dead as in a book. Even the bible to me is basically a dead thing. But an actual living entity all its own. The Holy Spirit is in me, and I listen to him/her/it, and follow its urges as communication from God. I do not wallow in books, or listen to learned men/women, or follow teachings or theories, trying to figure out who I should make myself become. I am me. I do not need to be anything else. I can't be anything else. So why try?

Where did this come from? Unconsciously, I just said, ENOUGH OF THE SHIT!!! Enough of the the endless debates and searching for the next WOW of philosophies or spiritual data that will come along and define me. I decided, it was time for me to define me. Not the others in the world. So, I decided to decide. I decided, for faith. Faith for things not seen, but believed in. Is it rational, or scientifically provable. NO. But it is what I have decided to believe, and tough shit to anyone that doesn't like it. I am not throwing it in anyones face, or being antagonistic with it. But I will not change to please anyone basically.

Like I said earlier, to me it is a living thing this relationship I have with God. He blesses me, I feel his presence, I feel his hand upon my life. That is all the proof I need to believe, and have faith.


Keith said...

Very well said brother, and I am in total agreement with you. Be free!

Valorosa said...


I get it and I don't share the following for your pity and sympathy but I do accept your hearts and blessings.

We are in a terrible place right now here at my house ... My son's illness is so bizarre, as brain illnesses are, and I wonder sometimes whether God loves us at all. Whether the spirit world really cares at all about us.

It gets me talking to that very spirit world though. We absolutely have nowhere else to turn. All the knowledge of mankind has left us bereft of knowing.

The only peace I find is that there is something bigger than me going on here. Do I believe God loves me like I tell people He does ??? Am I real? Am I free?

There is nowhere else for me to be. There is not one brain cell of my own that I can trust in, in our situation and I am trained to deal with very difficult people.
I cannot rely on earthly things ... they simply are not there for us.

One Voice of Many said...

Well aren't you wound up? ;-)
Confidence in who we are and our own choices is so key to clarity of mind. Continue cutting through the crap and I'll keep reading.

Valorosa said...

LOL Didn't mean to sound all wound up, and I thank you Michelle for listening ;-)

And Nate, I am sorry I have not been clearer.
I should have summarized better.

What I am saying is that I get what you are saying ... there is nothing else but faith for the situation at hand at my home.

Too many words and my free thoughts lost the point.
What I am saying here is that there are, to this point, no answers from doctors for my son's illness. Life is very difficult here some days and I feel abandoned at times and very low emotionally.
My son is violent at times and breaks things including windows. Two in the last six months.

The only thing that gets me feeling better is to keep hold of faith in God and the fact that there is love for us and answers in that love and soon I hope.

So in summary when you write
"I decided, for faith."
I'm just saying that
I hear you loud and clear.

One Voice of Many said...

Ha, Val, - I was actually talking to Nate on the "wound up" part.
I am sorry to hear about the troubles you have at home and with your son's illness. I do wish you peace with all of that!
Much love, my friend.

Tyler Dawn said...

I can deal with that lol

Valorosa said...

LOL Awesome Michelle

a little self centred on my part ?


Nate said...

I really did not comprehend your response Wendy, thanks for clarifying.

One Voice of Many said...

Val - you're so funny :)