Recently with all of the things that have been happening to me, it hit me that living my faith, and professing my faith are two different things. It also came from a saying that I have known about for a long time, but read again recently. True beliefs will be shown in actions. I have been talking with a Mormon friend of mine about his exact thing. We agree, but use different words to say the same thing.
The only thing that I have been able to do emotionally, is to lean on God. It has been WAAAAAY too much for me to handle. Putting me in areas that are rediculously uncomfortable, and I have no idea of how to deal with. So I pray a lot, and just do what feels right. Praying that it is the Holy Spirit leading. This is really hard for a control freak like me to do. Maybe that is the test. But, the realization that I was actully living what I professed, kind of shocked me. Being shocked by this REALLY SHOCKED me. It made me realize that what I had been saying about my faith for so long, was just crap. Because every time it got hard, I took it upon myself to dig myself out. Yeh, I said that I was relying on God, but I really wasn't. This time it was too much for me to handle. So I couldn't. It was highly uncomfortable to ride on the waves. The emotions of dispair, frustration, anger, and futility almost laid me low. But God has got us through this time so far. I know he will continue to.