October 10, 2007

To My Wife

For My Baby

For fifteen years, we have been married. We have been through great times and hard times. But through all of it, there was one thing that kept me going, it was you.

I cannot tell you through words how much you mean to me, I try to express it through actions, even those fail me sometimes. The depths of my love are so deep I do not even know where they stop. I remember when I first knew you had trapped me. There was no way to get away. There was no anger or frustration, just happiness. Then upon coming back home, it took me weeks to get up the nerve, and then finally, lamely, asked you to marry me. From that day on, my life has become as rich as any person’s can be.

The spirit that you have for love amazes me. It is what I love best in you. The way you struggled through the pregnancy and birth of our daughter. The way you deal every day with dialysis, and still make sure we are all cared for. The way you have dealt with all of the sickness and trouble you have had, with such grace. So much grace that you inspire those around you that hear the story. You are so intelligent, kind, giving, caring, loving, and wonderful to all of those around you that you love. You love many. You take care of many. Your thoughtfulness amazes people. Such as the lady that does your appointments at Dr. Knowlton’s office. She was flabbergasted that you remembered that she loved Smokey Bones Broccoli. Even MORE flabbergasted that you bought it for her. That is the loving, sharing, caring, wonderful person that I love. Everything for everyone else.

There are a few regrets about our life together, and they are all mine. I feel sometimes that I fail you by being unable to deal with situations at work that really I should just gut through. That my decisions have brought us to bankruptcy. That my decisions have erased our retirement savings. That my decisions have left us a ton of debt. That my decisions have not allowed us to be the best family we could be. My decisions have put us in a situation that your Fifteenth Anniversary wish could not be granted. For that, I am truly sorry. For you have talked of it for years. But I have tried my best. We still have a great home. (Made that way by a wonderful mother and wife.) Really, we have two great kids. We are still together and ridiculously happy with one another. In short, other than your health issues, I don’t know that I would change a thing. The hardships have made us value one another more so than any other couple I know. Have made us love one another more than any other couple that I know. So I have been blessed.

I know this letter is not what you deserve, you deserve so much. You have earned it through pain and effort. For all that you do, you are the person that I admire most in the world, Love best, and am wonderfully proud of. Thank you for tolerating this unworthy man. I only try to live every day to be worthy of your love.

Your devoted loving husband,

8 comments:

Valorosa said...

:-) Wow

Rachel said...

Nate, that is one of the most beautiful things I've ever read. I'm in love with your wife too now! Hope you have an amazing 15th year.
Rachel.

Dena G said...

Nate, that was beautiful. I hope the next 15 years are as blessed as your first 15!

Mike said...

Nate ~ Sounds to me like both of you are very lucky to have each other. Happy Anniversary!!

faintnot said...

Happy Anniversary to both of you.
Nate, thought I would continue the conversation here. And, thank you for being vulnerable before us. May the years ahead be all that you desire them to be...may the Lord bless you both with health, wisdom, and believers around you who bring you joy and passion.

How is the mega church you have been visiting? Better yet, what are you looking for in a church? What does your ideal church look like?

Barbara (aka Layla) said...

ditto ditto ditto your other comments. wow

Nate said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
onelittlemustardseed said...

This was beautiful!