April 27, 2021
Is Anybody In There? Just Smile If You Can Hear Me.
I haven't been on here in like 10 years, and just realized that it was still up and valid. So hey, if you are of the old group we used to have on here, Drop a note in the comments to help us catch up. Love to hear from anyone.
December 22, 2010
Quote From Stephen King
You doom yourselves, Susannah. You seem positively bent on it. And the root is always the same: your faith fails you, and you replace it with rational thought. But there is no love in thought, nothing that lasts in deduction, only death in rationalization.
The Dark Tower Six / Song of Susannah / Paperback Page 146 Paragraph 3
The Dark Tower Six / Song of Susannah / Paperback Page 146 Paragraph 3
November 19, 2010
My Burden
When the people of the community that I found here came together, it was to find the God that we found in our bibles, but not in our churches. We started off with a fervency that was passionate and palpable. We relied on one another to question what we had found where we were, and to seek the true nature of the one we loved above all else. WE cried, railed, prayed, and sought comfort from one another. We found what we needed here.
But this is where my burden comes in. For many, the thoughts that I put on the pages were new, radical, and almost heretic. For me it was to search out the true nature of the one I loved. For me, I found the one who is full of love, grace, mercy, and caring. Placed myself with in His hands, and allowed myself to be carried by Him always. Here I found the Something Else that I was looking for and was fulfilled. I needed nothing else. So I withdrew from this community somewhat, not really needing what I found here anymore. From this action, this is my fear.
By giving voice to the radical thoughts and leading to new places, gave permission to others to do the same. They went and looked, everywhere. Finding things that did not have to do with God. In one post here, I said, do not concern yourself with Satan, for then he will determine your path by doing things in reaction to your fear of what will happen if you allow temptation in. This is correct to a point, but not completely accurate. For to have this happen and not to be influenced by Satan, one must keep one's eyes on the Father at all times. When this is not done, then Satan can do his work. What are his works? The answer is simple: confusion, doubt, anger, selfishness, (holding ones beliefs as more foolproof than anyone else's) selfrighteousness, (I know better than you) hard heartedness, (not willing to bend to different ideas) lack of conviction, (there is no proof) helplessness, (not being able to rely on anyone, (feeling that no one can really help) and finally faithlessness. This is to where many of the seekers have ended their journey. For this I feel to be at partial fault.
The belief in Satan for me is as real as my belief in God. For if one part is true, then all is true. Satan does have power, and he does use it. But he is subtle, has patience, and knows when the time is right to insert the feelings that will lead us away from God. We do not need to be lead to Satan, just away from God, and to ourselves. Where we are the final judge of us. When Satan has done that, he has completed his job. Watching from afar, many of you have followed this exact path. IT GRIEVES ME DEEPLY. That ones so loved have gone so far off of the path that they themselves chose. Why the new path? Did you choose it? I don't think so.
Unfortunately for you, the path to really know God is HARD. So let me tell you what happened to me. He took every monetary thing that I had built up out of my pride in the abilities that he gave me. I went into bankruptcy, and had nothing but necessities. Food, clothing, and shelter. Then, he made it so that I could not provide even that. For the Man of the House to not be able to provide, took all of the rest of the pride that I had. I threw myself at his feet, and gave myself wholly into His care, and We cared for me. Provided for me the things that I needed beyond my ability to do so. Proving to me, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that He is the loving caring God that watches over each and everyone of us. Loves us, cares about us, and will deliver us from our afflictions. The only way I know to reach that deep faith is to have everything taken from you, and have only Him lift you out of the pits of despair with His provenance. Unfortunately, I pray this for each and every one of you. That you come to rely on Him in your darkest hour, and be fulfilled by faith knowing He was the deliverer, your Savior from the situation that you were in.
What will this look like? Loss of income, medical insurance, infidelity, strife within the families once close knit, and many other things. Why will this happen? Because you are no longer protected, and Satan is allowed to have his way in your life without having to ask permission. Since you are away from God, you are now free game.
Obeying God is one of the tenets of keeping salvation. This is not a post I want to write, but feel lead to write out of love. For I do love those that have gathered here. The once beautiful and loving thing that was here is now gone. What I have found are unyielding personalities convinced of their own rightness, and anger at those that would try to point to anything else. Hard hearts, that while they still may be gracious, are as of stone to hearing the gospel.
This work is coming from the radical whose espoused the things that other would not dare to think. Now, I am sure you see them as pedestrian and ridiculous. Just ask yourself, why did that change?
But this is where my burden comes in. For many, the thoughts that I put on the pages were new, radical, and almost heretic. For me it was to search out the true nature of the one I loved. For me, I found the one who is full of love, grace, mercy, and caring. Placed myself with in His hands, and allowed myself to be carried by Him always. Here I found the Something Else that I was looking for and was fulfilled. I needed nothing else. So I withdrew from this community somewhat, not really needing what I found here anymore. From this action, this is my fear.
By giving voice to the radical thoughts and leading to new places, gave permission to others to do the same. They went and looked, everywhere. Finding things that did not have to do with God. In one post here, I said, do not concern yourself with Satan, for then he will determine your path by doing things in reaction to your fear of what will happen if you allow temptation in. This is correct to a point, but not completely accurate. For to have this happen and not to be influenced by Satan, one must keep one's eyes on the Father at all times. When this is not done, then Satan can do his work. What are his works? The answer is simple: confusion, doubt, anger, selfishness, (holding ones beliefs as more foolproof than anyone else's) selfrighteousness, (I know better than you) hard heartedness, (not willing to bend to different ideas) lack of conviction, (there is no proof) helplessness, (not being able to rely on anyone, (feeling that no one can really help) and finally faithlessness. This is to where many of the seekers have ended their journey. For this I feel to be at partial fault.
The belief in Satan for me is as real as my belief in God. For if one part is true, then all is true. Satan does have power, and he does use it. But he is subtle, has patience, and knows when the time is right to insert the feelings that will lead us away from God. We do not need to be lead to Satan, just away from God, and to ourselves. Where we are the final judge of us. When Satan has done that, he has completed his job. Watching from afar, many of you have followed this exact path. IT GRIEVES ME DEEPLY. That ones so loved have gone so far off of the path that they themselves chose. Why the new path? Did you choose it? I don't think so.
Unfortunately for you, the path to really know God is HARD. So let me tell you what happened to me. He took every monetary thing that I had built up out of my pride in the abilities that he gave me. I went into bankruptcy, and had nothing but necessities. Food, clothing, and shelter. Then, he made it so that I could not provide even that. For the Man of the House to not be able to provide, took all of the rest of the pride that I had. I threw myself at his feet, and gave myself wholly into His care, and We cared for me. Provided for me the things that I needed beyond my ability to do so. Proving to me, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that He is the loving caring God that watches over each and everyone of us. Loves us, cares about us, and will deliver us from our afflictions. The only way I know to reach that deep faith is to have everything taken from you, and have only Him lift you out of the pits of despair with His provenance. Unfortunately, I pray this for each and every one of you. That you come to rely on Him in your darkest hour, and be fulfilled by faith knowing He was the deliverer, your Savior from the situation that you were in.
What will this look like? Loss of income, medical insurance, infidelity, strife within the families once close knit, and many other things. Why will this happen? Because you are no longer protected, and Satan is allowed to have his way in your life without having to ask permission. Since you are away from God, you are now free game.
Obeying God is one of the tenets of keeping salvation. This is not a post I want to write, but feel lead to write out of love. For I do love those that have gathered here. The once beautiful and loving thing that was here is now gone. What I have found are unyielding personalities convinced of their own rightness, and anger at those that would try to point to anything else. Hard hearts, that while they still may be gracious, are as of stone to hearing the gospel.
This work is coming from the radical whose espoused the things that other would not dare to think. Now, I am sure you see them as pedestrian and ridiculous. Just ask yourself, why did that change?
October 26, 2010
Throwing Out The Baby With The Bath Water
Being somewhat gone from the proceedings and precesses of those out there that have been continuing to go through religious realignment, has given me a pretty clear and unbiased picture starting to come through. That picture is really startling.
We have completely come to the correct realization that organized religion for the most part is complete bullshit. No problem with that. We threw out the bath water.
But them, we started questioning everything, like ourselves. We lost confidence in ourselves. Second guessing ourselves. If we were taken in by this, how can we trust our own judgement? I will tell you, that you were not taken in. How can this be? Because you just did not have enough information to make the correct decision. It wasn't deliberately being witheld from you. But we got the information anyway. How? Through bible study. The thing that our churches wanted us to do, caused us to fall away from the church. No, let me refrase that, we made the correct choice of moving towards God. But with the shaken confidence in ourselves, led us down roads that we never would have travelled if we still had the confidence in ourselves.
So in questioning our fitness for being wise judges, some have chosen not to choose, and there fore not be right or wrong. This to me is throwing out the baby. We have decided that instead of blaming the organization of humans, that do crap wrong all of the time, we started blaming the entity that was being exploited. We start saying that the entity that has sustained itself for thousands of years, really isn't there. Where are the druids, the followers of baal, and the followers of the aztec Gods that required human sacrifice. Yes the Hindus and Buhda have been around that long too. The bible even says there are other Gods. But do we reject what we once loved because someone else used there requtation badly. Would we hate Billy Graham if we found out that a group using his name without consent, got you to give a large amount of money to them? Just a thought.
But when cleaning the bathtub, it is as important to know what to throw away, as it is what to keep.
We have completely come to the correct realization that organized religion for the most part is complete bullshit. No problem with that. We threw out the bath water.
But them, we started questioning everything, like ourselves. We lost confidence in ourselves. Second guessing ourselves. If we were taken in by this, how can we trust our own judgement? I will tell you, that you were not taken in. How can this be? Because you just did not have enough information to make the correct decision. It wasn't deliberately being witheld from you. But we got the information anyway. How? Through bible study. The thing that our churches wanted us to do, caused us to fall away from the church. No, let me refrase that, we made the correct choice of moving towards God. But with the shaken confidence in ourselves, led us down roads that we never would have travelled if we still had the confidence in ourselves.
So in questioning our fitness for being wise judges, some have chosen not to choose, and there fore not be right or wrong. This to me is throwing out the baby. We have decided that instead of blaming the organization of humans, that do crap wrong all of the time, we started blaming the entity that was being exploited. We start saying that the entity that has sustained itself for thousands of years, really isn't there. Where are the druids, the followers of baal, and the followers of the aztec Gods that required human sacrifice. Yes the Hindus and Buhda have been around that long too. The bible even says there are other Gods. But do we reject what we once loved because someone else used there requtation badly. Would we hate Billy Graham if we found out that a group using his name without consent, got you to give a large amount of money to them? Just a thought.
But when cleaning the bathtub, it is as important to know what to throw away, as it is what to keep.
September 21, 2010
I Miss Him Still
Going along with the last post, reading one posting reduced me to utter sobbing and tears. "He Was A Good Shit" 1/1/2008. It was the feelings that I had for my father, right at the time of his death. I am glad those feelings are still there, and still that strong. It would really be a real disapointment to find that they ever leave.
September 18, 2010
The Longview
My grandfather, who I have mentioned many times on this blog, printed out all of my posts, and sent them to me. I have not called him to ask him why. But I will, I am very curious to see why.
Rereading them without having to continuously click and adjust the screen to see the whole post put in a completely new perspective for me. Those things were influenced by all of the people that were part of the blog experience. Thank you for that. It has created a strength and peace that I truly thought could not exist. Thank you.
Rereading them without having to continuously click and adjust the screen to see the whole post put in a completely new perspective for me. Those things were influenced by all of the people that were part of the blog experience. Thank you for that. It has created a strength and peace that I truly thought could not exist. Thank you.
December 11, 2009
How I Decided: Part Deaux (Starring Charlie Sheen)
OK, no Charlie Sheen, but just some more thinking.
Another thing that I had decided to do, was to give myself a break, and allow myself to be human. That means not perfect. Those that I talk to here, I can feel the want to be all that they can be. Well, God accepts everyone, so why do I have to be perfect? That leads back to "We must give God our best." Well, at the time, I was wheeling so badly, I wasn't giving Him anything. 50% of something, is better than 100% of nothing. Anyway, I stopped torturing myself, and just let myself believe what I do now, and be comfortable with it. May I learn something down the line that changes what I believe, absolutely. But it doesn't stress me that it may happen.
Another thing that I had decided to do, was to give myself a break, and allow myself to be human. That means not perfect. Those that I talk to here, I can feel the want to be all that they can be. Well, God accepts everyone, so why do I have to be perfect? That leads back to "We must give God our best." Well, at the time, I was wheeling so badly, I wasn't giving Him anything. 50% of something, is better than 100% of nothing. Anyway, I stopped torturing myself, and just let myself believe what I do now, and be comfortable with it. May I learn something down the line that changes what I believe, absolutely. But it doesn't stress me that it may happen.
November 30, 2009
How I Decided
Recently, Michelle inspired me to define my beliefs. They were simple, but living. Not dead as in a book. Even the bible to me is basically a dead thing. But an actual living entity all its own. The Holy Spirit is in me, and I listen to him/her/it, and follow its urges as communication from God. I do not wallow in books, or listen to learned men/women, or follow teachings or theories, trying to figure out who I should make myself become. I am me. I do not need to be anything else. I can't be anything else. So why try?
Where did this come from? Unconsciously, I just said, ENOUGH OF THE SHIT!!! Enough of the the endless debates and searching for the next WOW of philosophies or spiritual data that will come along and define me. I decided, it was time for me to define me. Not the others in the world. So, I decided to decide. I decided, for faith. Faith for things not seen, but believed in. Is it rational, or scientifically provable. NO. But it is what I have decided to believe, and tough shit to anyone that doesn't like it. I am not throwing it in anyones face, or being antagonistic with it. But I will not change to please anyone basically.
Like I said earlier, to me it is a living thing this relationship I have with God. He blesses me, I feel his presence, I feel his hand upon my life. That is all the proof I need to believe, and have faith.
Where did this come from? Unconsciously, I just said, ENOUGH OF THE SHIT!!! Enough of the the endless debates and searching for the next WOW of philosophies or spiritual data that will come along and define me. I decided, it was time for me to define me. Not the others in the world. So, I decided to decide. I decided, for faith. Faith for things not seen, but believed in. Is it rational, or scientifically provable. NO. But it is what I have decided to believe, and tough shit to anyone that doesn't like it. I am not throwing it in anyones face, or being antagonistic with it. But I will not change to please anyone basically.
Like I said earlier, to me it is a living thing this relationship I have with God. He blesses me, I feel his presence, I feel his hand upon my life. That is all the proof I need to believe, and have faith.
November 24, 2009
Sho'nai
Recently I was ask to define what I believed. That hasn't happened to me in a while. Finally it came down to this. With all of the mountainous amounts of information in the world. The only thing that I know for a certainty, is if you show me information to prove something, I can find information to disprove it. Whether within the bible, scientific texts or anything else for that matter. Especially in science. We are so far from even beginning to understand science it is beyond belief. I suppose it is our ridiculously limited perspective spectrum. But I digress. Basically what I am saying is, that there is no proof or certainty of ANYTHING in this life. I am not guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. I just have to take it on faith that I will. That is the crux of it, FAITH.
Where nothing is certain, belief only comes through our faith that it is. I have never gone to an observatory to prove that the astrological information that has been told to me is correct. I have no tangible evidence AT ALL that what has been told to me about the rings of Saturn is true, because I PERSONALLY have never seen them. Does that mean that they do not exist. No, I have NO proof at all. But I have faith.
Faith in those that depart the message. In my heart I know it is true. That is where all of my searching has taken to me. Inside. To my heart. Inside I believe. No matter what anyone says or does, I have decided to believe. I have decided to have faith. Period. So what does that mean to me. Sho'nai.
It is a game played by a warrior race in a book I was reading. They throw knives at one another, and catch them. It is symbolic for their life philosophy. To cast (as in to throw) themselves out (as into the unknown). I have done this, with the only safety net my Faith in God. It works great, so I will stick with it.
Where nothing is certain, belief only comes through our faith that it is. I have never gone to an observatory to prove that the astrological information that has been told to me is correct. I have no tangible evidence AT ALL that what has been told to me about the rings of Saturn is true, because I PERSONALLY have never seen them. Does that mean that they do not exist. No, I have NO proof at all. But I have faith.
Faith in those that depart the message. In my heart I know it is true. That is where all of my searching has taken to me. Inside. To my heart. Inside I believe. No matter what anyone says or does, I have decided to believe. I have decided to have faith. Period. So what does that mean to me. Sho'nai.
It is a game played by a warrior race in a book I was reading. They throw knives at one another, and catch them. It is symbolic for their life philosophy. To cast (as in to throw) themselves out (as into the unknown). I have done this, with the only safety net my Faith in God. It works great, so I will stick with it.
November 1, 2009
Jesus, David's Lineage?
Jesus will be of King David's lineage. So the prophecy says. So here is the question. Since Jesus was a virgin birth, was Mary of David's lineage? For I am sure God is not. Does anyone know the answer to this question?
Why do I ask since Joseph was of David's lineage? Joseph was Jesus Stepfather, think about it. He was not the biological father. So, was Mary of King David's lineage?
Why do I ask since Joseph was of David's lineage? Joseph was Jesus Stepfather, think about it. He was not the biological father. So, was Mary of King David's lineage?
September 28, 2009
Intelligence As A Curse
One of the most wonderful things that I found when the journey through the blogoshpere first began, was that I was able to converse with people that could actually understand me. Have incredibly in depth conversations that were meaningful and not superficial. To have people that could challenge and stump me and call me on my dumbass shit. (My wife Sherri is great for that) I call it truly wonderful because of one thing, and this is not boasting, just the truth, my mensa membership. Mensa is a social club for the top 2% of intelligences in the world. Really this is not a bragging session, I entered for a resume' builder. The wonder is the number of highly intelligent people that I ran into here. The thoughts that run through the heads of our small community are truly above the normal level of thought. So thank you for the challenging and wonderful things that you have brought to my life.
But, there is also a couple of HUGE drawbacks that intelligence creates. Three are the most prevalent, and the cause of many of our challenges with our faith. They cause us to create lives that are often much less than we and others would think. I have a friend with Genius IQ that has built a nice life for himself, but he is not a researcher looking to prove string theory for look for the God particle. He lives just a normal life, and he is selling cars at the moment. They cause us to be restless, sometimes insensitive, erratic, eclectic, kind of just odd birds. They create much upheaval in our lives.
First is that since we are smarter than anyone else, we don't listen to anyone else. Our experiences have taught us that our perceptions are correct much more often than that of those around us. So we will listen to those around us, but reach our own decisions. Meaning, if we are in an institutional church, we will politely listen to them, then come to our own conclusion, and it will not be that of the institution. Then we feel betrayed that something so important could be imparted to us incorrectly.
Next is that we have a stronger sense of the thing that is built into all humans, it is called the law of diminishing returns. Meaning that the more we experience anything, the less wonderful and exciting it is. My best explanation is that when we have a favorite food, and then proceed to have it everyday for a month, it is not so special anymore. Then it is common and ordinary and does not hold that same special place in our hearts it used to. This causes us to be wanderers in the mental landscape. I have found that truly intelligent hate true change and upheaval. We like our routines and comforts, and hate those things that majorly impinges upon them. But with our mental wanderings, they go far and wide. Erin speaks of the super collider in France, Barry peaks of the philosophies of the world, Michelle speaks of Jung often, these are not normal conversation points for the populace at large. But our minds MUST seek these things out, no choice.
Lastly, we can comprehend those things that others cannot. This is the worst one. Why? Many times we expect that others have to be able to comprehend because it is so obvious. But they are really just completely unable to grasp the entirety of the concept. Many times we judge them for this. We wonder how they can be so small and petty. But that is ofttimes the extent of their mentality. They can do no better. It has been very hard for me to reconcile that fact in my own perceptions and feelings towards those in the establishment. For I am commanded to love them. I find it easier to love the Gay community than the church at the moment, but love them I must. Not just love them, but care about their fate, lives , loves, cares, and anything else. It is hard to reconcile that concept.
What does all of this mean to us, those highly intelligent creatures that have no mental rest or reassurance. Well, it comes down to faith. Faith is belief in things unseen, unprovable, and intangible. Fortunately for me, I have quantifiable proof of providence. But, as stated earlier, we only believe our own conclusions, so you wouldn't believe me if I told you. (ha, ha) We have the hard part. To accept those that, no matter how hard we try, are not EVER going to be at our level of knowledge understanding, or faith. Again, not a boast, just a fact. Some can run the 100M in under 10 Seconds, I can't, it is the same in this. It is just a natural ability, and we cannot fault birth. God made us as he wants us, and to reject His creation to me is wrong.
But, there is also a couple of HUGE drawbacks that intelligence creates. Three are the most prevalent, and the cause of many of our challenges with our faith. They cause us to create lives that are often much less than we and others would think. I have a friend with Genius IQ that has built a nice life for himself, but he is not a researcher looking to prove string theory for look for the God particle. He lives just a normal life, and he is selling cars at the moment. They cause us to be restless, sometimes insensitive, erratic, eclectic, kind of just odd birds. They create much upheaval in our lives.
First is that since we are smarter than anyone else, we don't listen to anyone else. Our experiences have taught us that our perceptions are correct much more often than that of those around us. So we will listen to those around us, but reach our own decisions. Meaning, if we are in an institutional church, we will politely listen to them, then come to our own conclusion, and it will not be that of the institution. Then we feel betrayed that something so important could be imparted to us incorrectly.
Next is that we have a stronger sense of the thing that is built into all humans, it is called the law of diminishing returns. Meaning that the more we experience anything, the less wonderful and exciting it is. My best explanation is that when we have a favorite food, and then proceed to have it everyday for a month, it is not so special anymore. Then it is common and ordinary and does not hold that same special place in our hearts it used to. This causes us to be wanderers in the mental landscape. I have found that truly intelligent hate true change and upheaval. We like our routines and comforts, and hate those things that majorly impinges upon them. But with our mental wanderings, they go far and wide. Erin speaks of the super collider in France, Barry peaks of the philosophies of the world, Michelle speaks of Jung often, these are not normal conversation points for the populace at large. But our minds MUST seek these things out, no choice.
Lastly, we can comprehend those things that others cannot. This is the worst one. Why? Many times we expect that others have to be able to comprehend because it is so obvious. But they are really just completely unable to grasp the entirety of the concept. Many times we judge them for this. We wonder how they can be so small and petty. But that is ofttimes the extent of their mentality. They can do no better. It has been very hard for me to reconcile that fact in my own perceptions and feelings towards those in the establishment. For I am commanded to love them. I find it easier to love the Gay community than the church at the moment, but love them I must. Not just love them, but care about their fate, lives , loves, cares, and anything else. It is hard to reconcile that concept.
What does all of this mean to us, those highly intelligent creatures that have no mental rest or reassurance. Well, it comes down to faith. Faith is belief in things unseen, unprovable, and intangible. Fortunately for me, I have quantifiable proof of providence. But, as stated earlier, we only believe our own conclusions, so you wouldn't believe me if I told you. (ha, ha) We have the hard part. To accept those that, no matter how hard we try, are not EVER going to be at our level of knowledge understanding, or faith. Again, not a boast, just a fact. Some can run the 100M in under 10 Seconds, I can't, it is the same in this. It is just a natural ability, and we cannot fault birth. God made us as he wants us, and to reject His creation to me is wrong.
September 12, 2009
Broken Belief Structure
It has been a while since I posted with any regularity, feeling like there was not much else to say. Even in the beginning of this transition, I felt that in some way, helping those believers that were actively looking for God, and not finding him in a church would need to be helped to find their way, and not be discouraged. So lately I had been thinking about what the last step is, finding the God they can believe in. Now I have been thinking about what will cause the first step to happen.
This is what I found while reading a blog that did not appeal to me. But it made me think, "why don't others grasp our new truths that we have found?" Pondering that, it hit me. Their belief structure is intact, it has all of the answers it needs, so why would they want new answers? There is no reason for them. Also, within the doctrinally filtered lenses that people tend to look at things, they will just see how whatever you say just fits within their own belief structure, and see no need to change.
BUT, when those that are in earnest about their faith study, and find a different God staring up at them out of the pages of their bible, than the one being told about in church, their belief structure doesn't just crumble, it collapses. Crashing down on them, leaving them angry, bitter and in utter despair. Sound familiar?
I guess the next thing to ponder, is how to get from the first step, to the last, keeping the sanity intact.
This is what I found while reading a blog that did not appeal to me. But it made me think, "why don't others grasp our new truths that we have found?" Pondering that, it hit me. Their belief structure is intact, it has all of the answers it needs, so why would they want new answers? There is no reason for them. Also, within the doctrinally filtered lenses that people tend to look at things, they will just see how whatever you say just fits within their own belief structure, and see no need to change.
BUT, when those that are in earnest about their faith study, and find a different God staring up at them out of the pages of their bible, than the one being told about in church, their belief structure doesn't just crumble, it collapses. Crashing down on them, leaving them angry, bitter and in utter despair. Sound familiar?
I guess the next thing to ponder, is how to get from the first step, to the last, keeping the sanity intact.
September 6, 2009
Understanding In "MY" Own Way
Things that I could not understand:
*How God is love, yet we are to hate so many different people. (gays, etc...)
*How God is Multi-Polar (multiple personalities) as in the trinity.
*Where did all the rules about cussing and smoking come from?
*Why, if we are supposed to "Go unto the world", were we requiring them to come to us.
*Why, did we expect people that are new to the faith to stand on their own, and not give mentors?
*Why, when some one was having a crisis of faith, did we ostracize them when they showed human frailties?
*Why is Song of Solomon in the bible, yet sex is something so shunned, that it cripples many from having healthy sexual relationships with their own spouses, and effects such horrible responses from people when it is such a natural act?
This is why I no longer go to church. These things and many others simply did not make sense to me, and the hard line doctrines, would never be able to explain. Nor were people in any mood to change their way of being because they did not see it as wrong. I have railed against those people and their shortsightedness, and made some very disturbing references to them. But with this last revelation that has come to me, I realize that I was very unfair to them, especially in my mantra of "personal faith."
The realization came to me as they usually do, when thinking of something else, while also pondering some other good meaning peoples challenges. The question that I was pondering, was how to help those that had lost their way. To do that, (oh God are you really doing this to me) I have to quote a very popular business book that has helped many achieve what they wanted, I had to "start with the end in mind." What was the destination? Where would I take these people that are asking for help? Back into a church system that I personally think is screwed as hell. That they think is screwed as hell. No, that would not do. Then I started thinking about something else, just let my mind wonder, and allowed myself to listen to the spirit. This is what he/she/it said.
"Each has to learn to understand God, in THEIR own way."
Not such an earth shattering statement. Yea, yea, we all know we are supposed to do that. But when I contemplated it, there may have been an actual WOW that escaped my lips. Those people that love to go to church, you know the ones I mean. The ones depicted by Dana Carvey as the church lady. They are understanding, "in THEIR own way." Those who just go in and don't rock the boat, those that are on fifty committees and are at church every day, to those that come when they feel like it only fifteen to twenty times a year, or maybe just Easter and Christmas. Those that go to church as in chat rooms and blogs. Those that will just meet with some friends on occasion and talk about God. That is "THEIR" understanding, and it is enough for them. Who am I to judge. God knows that I am not perfect, and never will be. But he accepts me, so he will accept them too.
So, what each of us that have been through the deconstruction and reconstruction process has found, is not the God depicted to us by a doctrine, not just a God that has already accepted us, but a God "WE" can accept, believe in, and look up to in worship. A God we can "Understand in our OWN way."
*How God is love, yet we are to hate so many different people. (gays, etc...)
*How God is Multi-Polar (multiple personalities) as in the trinity.
*Where did all the rules about cussing and smoking come from?
*Why, if we are supposed to "Go unto the world", were we requiring them to come to us.
*Why, did we expect people that are new to the faith to stand on their own, and not give mentors?
*Why, when some one was having a crisis of faith, did we ostracize them when they showed human frailties?
*Why is Song of Solomon in the bible, yet sex is something so shunned, that it cripples many from having healthy sexual relationships with their own spouses, and effects such horrible responses from people when it is such a natural act?
This is why I no longer go to church. These things and many others simply did not make sense to me, and the hard line doctrines, would never be able to explain. Nor were people in any mood to change their way of being because they did not see it as wrong. I have railed against those people and their shortsightedness, and made some very disturbing references to them. But with this last revelation that has come to me, I realize that I was very unfair to them, especially in my mantra of "personal faith."
The realization came to me as they usually do, when thinking of something else, while also pondering some other good meaning peoples challenges. The question that I was pondering, was how to help those that had lost their way. To do that, (oh God are you really doing this to me) I have to quote a very popular business book that has helped many achieve what they wanted, I had to "start with the end in mind." What was the destination? Where would I take these people that are asking for help? Back into a church system that I personally think is screwed as hell. That they think is screwed as hell. No, that would not do. Then I started thinking about something else, just let my mind wonder, and allowed myself to listen to the spirit. This is what he/she/it said.
"Each has to learn to understand God, in THEIR own way."
Not such an earth shattering statement. Yea, yea, we all know we are supposed to do that. But when I contemplated it, there may have been an actual WOW that escaped my lips. Those people that love to go to church, you know the ones I mean. The ones depicted by Dana Carvey as the church lady. They are understanding, "in THEIR own way." Those who just go in and don't rock the boat, those that are on fifty committees and are at church every day, to those that come when they feel like it only fifteen to twenty times a year, or maybe just Easter and Christmas. Those that go to church as in chat rooms and blogs. Those that will just meet with some friends on occasion and talk about God. That is "THEIR" understanding, and it is enough for them. Who am I to judge. God knows that I am not perfect, and never will be. But he accepts me, so he will accept them too.
So, what each of us that have been through the deconstruction and reconstruction process has found, is not the God depicted to us by a doctrine, not just a God that has already accepted us, but a God "WE" can accept, believe in, and look up to in worship. A God we can "Understand in our OWN way."
August 9, 2009
Two Weeks
I quit my job in Savannah, GA, because I hated it, and Savannah. It only took two weeks in this economy for me to get another job. One that I did not apply for, and, one where I did not know anyone. That is called providence, and for that I am thankful.
June 25, 2009
Christian Karma
"Be sure your sins will find you out." Meaning that sooner or later our actions will come back to around to us. So if we do bad things, they will come back, if we do good things, they will come back.
June 18, 2009
Be Careful What You Pray For
The fun thing about God, is that we do not always get what we want in the way we want. For if we pray for patience, we get the opportunity to practice that patience. If we pray for strength, we get the situation that allows us to be strong.
May 23, 2009
The Librty Of Christ
I have been thinking lately of the "Liberty of Christ" that Paul spoke of. Most any who consider themselves Christians have felt this at one time or another. The time most spoken of is when they have their conversion experience. When they feel the burdens they possess being lifted to the cross where Jesus so willingly takes those burdens away. The great feeling of relief and freedom that comes with the decision to allow God to rule their lives. What is the first thing that those people do, go to church. Why? Because that is what those who have given their life to God are supposed to do, everyone knows that. Everyone.
When they come in to their new home, looking for the Father, he/she is there to offer advice and give direction on what to do with their new found faith. This is how you should dress, this is how you should pray, this is how you should talk, this is how you should think, this is how you should serve your God, this is how you should behave, those that don't think as you do are not as good as you, you should be constantly trying to get others to believe as you do, this is your mission. Where is the freedom in this?
When those who do not find that "Liberty of Christ" in the church setting, so full of restrictions, the feeling they had when their burdens were lifted, they become disillusioned with their faith. First blaming themselves, as any good christian has been taught to do. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." It is written in the bible, and not to be disputed. Therefore, the fault must lie in their own failings. When they find that this is not really the case, they did all that was ask of them at their church. They then think that what they have been taught was all erroneous, and that their faith was all a lie. That God isn't really there, and having faith is for the stupid and easily fooled. But this is not the case either.
The truth comes in giving yourself to God Himself, and not to a church made of people. God wants you for himself. Not for you to give yourself a new God called the church. We have many Gods in this materialistic world. The God of the "Cool Car", "Nice House", "Latest Cell Phone", "Big Screen TV", "Designer Labels", and so on. Whatever we live our lives for is our God. So if we live our lives for the church, we have replaced our God, with a false one. Satan loves our current church system. It drives as many away from God as to Him.
When those that are disillusioned with all of this, distance themselves from the church, and start living for God alone, do they ever feel the "Liberty of Christ" again. When they throw off the shackles of the rules handed down by men, and accept God's rule in their lives, can the truly freeing feeling of that liberty be felt again. As for me, "Give me liberty, or give me death."
When they come in to their new home, looking for the Father, he/she is there to offer advice and give direction on what to do with their new found faith. This is how you should dress, this is how you should pray, this is how you should talk, this is how you should think, this is how you should serve your God, this is how you should behave, those that don't think as you do are not as good as you, you should be constantly trying to get others to believe as you do, this is your mission. Where is the freedom in this?
When those who do not find that "Liberty of Christ" in the church setting, so full of restrictions, the feeling they had when their burdens were lifted, they become disillusioned with their faith. First blaming themselves, as any good christian has been taught to do. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." It is written in the bible, and not to be disputed. Therefore, the fault must lie in their own failings. When they find that this is not really the case, they did all that was ask of them at their church. They then think that what they have been taught was all erroneous, and that their faith was all a lie. That God isn't really there, and having faith is for the stupid and easily fooled. But this is not the case either.
The truth comes in giving yourself to God Himself, and not to a church made of people. God wants you for himself. Not for you to give yourself a new God called the church. We have many Gods in this materialistic world. The God of the "Cool Car", "Nice House", "Latest Cell Phone", "Big Screen TV", "Designer Labels", and so on. Whatever we live our lives for is our God. So if we live our lives for the church, we have replaced our God, with a false one. Satan loves our current church system. It drives as many away from God as to Him.
When those that are disillusioned with all of this, distance themselves from the church, and start living for God alone, do they ever feel the "Liberty of Christ" again. When they throw off the shackles of the rules handed down by men, and accept God's rule in their lives, can the truly freeing feeling of that liberty be felt again. As for me, "Give me liberty, or give me death."
October 13, 2008
Sanctuary
Any place of refuge; asylum. Immunity afforded by refuge in a place.
I was struck by this word the other day. Sanctuary. A place of peace and safety. Such an interesting word to use for the main congrating area of a church.
I was struck by this word the other day. Sanctuary. A place of peace and safety. Such an interesting word to use for the main congrating area of a church.
September 12, 2008
Were We Wrong?
John 14:6
"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."
This is one of my favorite passages in the bible. It means to me the fulfillment of the covenant made to Abraham by God. I am the way, Jesus created the way to God outside of the priests. I am the truth. "The Truth" is another name for the Holy Spirit. Jesus made it possible for everyone to have the Holy spirit in them. I am the life. Jesus made it possible for everyone to have eternal life. Awesome and wonderful things.
But it just hit me, I may have been taught to misinterpret the next line. No man cometh unto the father, but by me. I have been taught, that that means that I have to accept Jesus as my personal savior, or I am damned to hell. What if it is taken in the context of the rest of the verse, rather than in a separate context. Meaning, that the original context of the sentence, is that "I am causing these things to happen." There is no instruction of an action item in them. Following that context, It is just a statement of effect, not an action to be taken. Meaning, that not all people have to accept him as a personal savior. Just that his actions caused the possibility of coming to the father. Not that you have to make Jesus your personal savior.
This would answer the question for me, "What about those wonderfully devoted Muslims, and Jews that have given their lives to God in dutiful service? Are they just ignored by God because they didn't GET IT?" Or are they still accepted by God, because Jesus has created a way that goes directly to God?
"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."
This is one of my favorite passages in the bible. It means to me the fulfillment of the covenant made to Abraham by God. I am the way, Jesus created the way to God outside of the priests. I am the truth. "The Truth" is another name for the Holy Spirit. Jesus made it possible for everyone to have the Holy spirit in them. I am the life. Jesus made it possible for everyone to have eternal life. Awesome and wonderful things.
But it just hit me, I may have been taught to misinterpret the next line. No man cometh unto the father, but by me. I have been taught, that that means that I have to accept Jesus as my personal savior, or I am damned to hell. What if it is taken in the context of the rest of the verse, rather than in a separate context. Meaning, that the original context of the sentence, is that "I am causing these things to happen." There is no instruction of an action item in them. Following that context, It is just a statement of effect, not an action to be taken. Meaning, that not all people have to accept him as a personal savior. Just that his actions caused the possibility of coming to the father. Not that you have to make Jesus your personal savior.
This would answer the question for me, "What about those wonderfully devoted Muslims, and Jews that have given their lives to God in dutiful service? Are they just ignored by God because they didn't GET IT?" Or are they still accepted by God, because Jesus has created a way that goes directly to God?
July 8, 2008
About me #4
I know that I got off of this track a while ago, so if you would like to revisit and get cuaght up on the read, here are the other posts:
About Me #1
About Me #2
About Me #3
Every time that I moved. I had a specific purpose in mind of what I wanted to accomplish. After going home and drying out to a point where I did not NEED to be blasted to cope, I found out I had a crappy job, and had a lot of bills. During My drugs and drunkenness period in Grand Forks, North Dakota, I had BALLOONED up to 198 pounds. 33 pounds over my fighting weight. So, along with drying out, I turned my attention to losing weight, and determining what I would do with my future. I would lift light weights three times a week, and RUN everywhere I went on deliveries for Domino's Pizza. I lost 38 pounds in the matter of 5 months, and got down to 160, with a 31 inch waist, at my final height of six feet. I was the skinniest I had ever been in my life. As to my future, I had decided to try to go back to college. But being a manager at Domino's for so long, I had made too much money. So I had to lower my reported income for a full year so that I would qualify for financial assistance. Delivering pizza became my life for a while in Duluth, Minnesota. But when college let out, I would not earn enough money to pay my bills. Then I got a call from someone that I used to work with in Grand Forks, inviting me to come and deliver pizzas for him in West Des Moines, Iowa. I would make great money, and not have to work very hard. So Off I went.
This instituted the next phase of my life. At the time I did not know it, but it was the "who am I going to become" phase.
So one day, I loaded up my car, and set off for Des Moines, and to kill time until I could go back to school. I showed up at my buddies house, car loaded up, and knocked on the door. Cora, one of the most beautiful people I have ever known, answered the door. There was a great look of surprise on her face, and she said, "Hey Nate, what are you doing here?" Her husband had not told her I was coming, AND going to live with them. Got a real warm welcome there. But as I said, she was one of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and she made me as welcome as she could. I am not a good roommate. She hated me living there, but would never say a word to me. The next day, I found one of my favorite restaurants of all time. Shang Yuen's chinese restaurant. Cheap, with lots of food, and very good. Just thougt I would throw that in there. But, I started working for my friend, out performing everyone the first night I was there by far. I had never even driven in that neighborhood before. But along with this, my friend had told the district manager there about me and my management talents. So, as the only driver in the city to be invited, I found myself with the managers on a celebration for achieving sales over last year for the first time in a long time. We went to a minor league baseball game. I remember that night pretty well, I got drunk and made an ass out of myself. I also met a bunch of new people, one of which was a woman, the only female manager. She was short, about 5' 2", skinny, and kind of quiet. I got a weird feeling when meeting her, but didn't dwell on it. After that, I was still invited to the manager functions, because the District Manager wanted me to manage for him. So delivering pizzas, and hanging out with Domino's people getting drunk became my life. Sound familiar?
I convinced one of my friends to come down to work in Des Moines, because he was not making enough money in Duluth. He started working for the female manager. Her name was Sherri, and he said, "she is kinda quiet until you get to know her, but she is really cool." Tony, my friend, and I used to go out to a new restaurant every Tuesday, and then go to "Frogs" and shoot free pool. One day, he wasn't able to make it, so I invited Sherri to go. We chose Raul's, and we ate. I was trying without much success to try to get her to talk, and finally gave up and took her back to my house. She was Cora's friend, and had parked her car at my house. I thought that Tony must be off his rocker if he thought she was cool. Just to continue my wonderful roommate ways, I brought a girl back, and while leaving, Sherri and Cora ask, "Who was that?" "Some girl named Debbie," I replied. When people asked Sherri what she thought of me, she would say, "He's good looking, but what an asshole." She was right on the money.
Also at this time, I found a place that really helped me shape who I would become, Ebenezer Frog's. It was a bar with pool tables in it. I had turned twenty-one the previous year. But being broke and living with the pastor dad, I had not done a lot of the bar scene thing. So I started hanging out there. It was my kind of place. A dive. I love dive bars. I love the people in dive bars. They are a real that cannot be duplicated. They are just who they are, and don't give a shit if people don't like it. But there I learned to relate to real adults. Not just the party people that I normally hung out with. Also, I started playing pool. Eight ball, nine ball, and what ever other game. But mainly eight ball. Why is this so important? It taught me focus. It taught me to rely on my skill. It taught me to achieve in a directed path. I know it sounds strange, but it was very important to my life as a whole.
This post is only covering four months of my life. It is really set up for next post. As this one is too long already. But these seemingly unrelated events, churned into where my life would go for the next 18 years.
About Me #1
About Me #2
About Me #3
Every time that I moved. I had a specific purpose in mind of what I wanted to accomplish. After going home and drying out to a point where I did not NEED to be blasted to cope, I found out I had a crappy job, and had a lot of bills. During My drugs and drunkenness period in Grand Forks, North Dakota, I had BALLOONED up to 198 pounds. 33 pounds over my fighting weight. So, along with drying out, I turned my attention to losing weight, and determining what I would do with my future. I would lift light weights three times a week, and RUN everywhere I went on deliveries for Domino's Pizza. I lost 38 pounds in the matter of 5 months, and got down to 160, with a 31 inch waist, at my final height of six feet. I was the skinniest I had ever been in my life. As to my future, I had decided to try to go back to college. But being a manager at Domino's for so long, I had made too much money. So I had to lower my reported income for a full year so that I would qualify for financial assistance. Delivering pizza became my life for a while in Duluth, Minnesota. But when college let out, I would not earn enough money to pay my bills. Then I got a call from someone that I used to work with in Grand Forks, inviting me to come and deliver pizzas for him in West Des Moines, Iowa. I would make great money, and not have to work very hard. So Off I went.
This instituted the next phase of my life. At the time I did not know it, but it was the "who am I going to become" phase.
So one day, I loaded up my car, and set off for Des Moines, and to kill time until I could go back to school. I showed up at my buddies house, car loaded up, and knocked on the door. Cora, one of the most beautiful people I have ever known, answered the door. There was a great look of surprise on her face, and she said, "Hey Nate, what are you doing here?" Her husband had not told her I was coming, AND going to live with them. Got a real warm welcome there. But as I said, she was one of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and she made me as welcome as she could. I am not a good roommate. She hated me living there, but would never say a word to me. The next day, I found one of my favorite restaurants of all time. Shang Yuen's chinese restaurant. Cheap, with lots of food, and very good. Just thougt I would throw that in there. But, I started working for my friend, out performing everyone the first night I was there by far. I had never even driven in that neighborhood before. But along with this, my friend had told the district manager there about me and my management talents. So, as the only driver in the city to be invited, I found myself with the managers on a celebration for achieving sales over last year for the first time in a long time. We went to a minor league baseball game. I remember that night pretty well, I got drunk and made an ass out of myself. I also met a bunch of new people, one of which was a woman, the only female manager. She was short, about 5' 2", skinny, and kind of quiet. I got a weird feeling when meeting her, but didn't dwell on it. After that, I was still invited to the manager functions, because the District Manager wanted me to manage for him. So delivering pizzas, and hanging out with Domino's people getting drunk became my life. Sound familiar?
I convinced one of my friends to come down to work in Des Moines, because he was not making enough money in Duluth. He started working for the female manager. Her name was Sherri, and he said, "she is kinda quiet until you get to know her, but she is really cool." Tony, my friend, and I used to go out to a new restaurant every Tuesday, and then go to "Frogs" and shoot free pool. One day, he wasn't able to make it, so I invited Sherri to go. We chose Raul's, and we ate. I was trying without much success to try to get her to talk, and finally gave up and took her back to my house. She was Cora's friend, and had parked her car at my house. I thought that Tony must be off his rocker if he thought she was cool. Just to continue my wonderful roommate ways, I brought a girl back, and while leaving, Sherri and Cora ask, "Who was that?" "Some girl named Debbie," I replied. When people asked Sherri what she thought of me, she would say, "He's good looking, but what an asshole." She was right on the money.
Also at this time, I found a place that really helped me shape who I would become, Ebenezer Frog's. It was a bar with pool tables in it. I had turned twenty-one the previous year. But being broke and living with the pastor dad, I had not done a lot of the bar scene thing. So I started hanging out there. It was my kind of place. A dive. I love dive bars. I love the people in dive bars. They are a real that cannot be duplicated. They are just who they are, and don't give a shit if people don't like it. But there I learned to relate to real adults. Not just the party people that I normally hung out with. Also, I started playing pool. Eight ball, nine ball, and what ever other game. But mainly eight ball. Why is this so important? It taught me focus. It taught me to rely on my skill. It taught me to achieve in a directed path. I know it sounds strange, but it was very important to my life as a whole.
This post is only covering four months of my life. It is really set up for next post. As this one is too long already. But these seemingly unrelated events, churned into where my life would go for the next 18 years.
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