Defined

Quote From Stephen King

2010-12-22T00:55:00.002-05:00

You doom yourselves, Susannah. You seem positively bent on it. And the root is always the same: your faith fails you, and you replace it with rational thought. But there is no love in thought, nothing that lasts in deduction, only death in rationalization.

The Dark Tower Six / Song of Susannah / Paperback Page 146 Paragraph 3

My Burden

2010-11-19T11:17:00.002-05:00

When the people of the community that I found here came together, it was to find the God that we found in our bibles, but not in our churches. We started off with a fervency that was passionate and palpable. We relied on one another to question what we had found where we were, and to seek the true nature of the one we loved above all else. WE cried, railed, prayed, and sought comfort from one another. We found what we needed here.

But this is where my burden comes in. For many, the thoughts that I put on the pages were new, radical, and almost heretic. For me it was to search out the true nature of the one I loved. For me, I found the one who is full of love, grace, mercy, and caring. Placed myself with in His hands, and allowed myself to be carried by Him always. Here I found the Something Else that I was looking for and was fulfilled. I needed nothing else. So I withdrew from this community somewhat, not really needing what I found here anymore. From this action, this is my fear.

By giving voice to the radical thoughts and leading to new places, gave permission to others to do the same. They went and looked, everywhere. Finding things that did not have to do with God. In one post here, I said, do not concern yourself with Satan, for then he will determine your path by doing things in reaction to your fear of what will happen if you allow temptation in. This is correct to a point, but not completely accurate. For to have this happen and not to be influenced by Satan, one must keep one's eyes on the Father at all times. When this is not done, then Satan can do his work. What are his works? The answer is simple: confusion, doubt, anger, selfishness, (holding ones beliefs as more foolproof than anyone else's) selfrighteousness, (I know better than you) hard heartedness, (not willing to bend to different ideas) lack of conviction, (there is no proof) helplessness, (not being able to rely on anyone, (feeling that no one can really help) and finally faithlessness. This is to where many of the seekers have ended their journey. For this I feel to be at partial fault.

The belief in Satan for me is as real as my belief in God. For if one part is true, then all is true. Satan does have power, and he does use it. But he is subtle, has patience, and knows when the time is right to insert the feelings that will lead us away from God. We do not need to be lead to Satan, just away from God, and to ourselves. Where we are the final judge of us. When Satan has done that, he has completed his job. Watching from afar, many of you have followed this exact path. IT GRIEVES ME DEEPLY. That ones so loved have gone so far off of the path that they themselves chose. Why the new path? Did you choose it? I don't think so.

Unfortunately for you, the path to really know God is HARD. So let me tell you what happened to me. He took every monetary thing that I had built up out of my pride in the abilities that he gave me. I went into bankruptcy, and had nothing but necessities. Food, clothing, and shelter. Then, he made it so that I could not provide even that. For the Man of the House to not be able to provide, took all of the rest of the pride that I had. I threw myself at his feet, and gave myself wholly into His care, and We cared for me. Provided for me the things that I needed beyond my ability to do so. Proving to me, beyond the shadow of any doubt, that He is the loving caring God that watches over each and everyone of us. Loves us, cares about us, and will deliver us from our afflictions. The only way I know to reach that deep faith is to have everything taken from you, and have only Him lift you out of the pits of despair with His provenance. Unfortunately, I pray this for each and every one of you. That you come to rely on Him in your darkest hour, and be fulfilled by faith knowing He was the deliverer, your Savior from the situation that you were in.

What will this look like? Loss of income, medical insurance, infidelity, strife within the families once close knit, and many other things. Why will this happen? Because you are no longer protected, and Satan is allowed to have his way in your life without having to ask permission. Since you are away from God, you are now free game.

Obeying God is one of the tenets of keeping salvation. This is not a post I want to write, but feel lead to write out of love. For I do love those that have gathered here. The once beautiful and loving thing that was here is now gone. What I have found are unyielding personalities convinced of their own rightness, and anger at those that would try to point to anything else. Hard hearts, that while they still may be gracious, are as of stone to hearing the gospel.

This work is coming from the radical whose espoused the things that other would not dare to think. Now, I am sure you see them as pedestrian and ridiculous. Just ask yourself, why did that change?

Throwing Out The Baby With The Bath Water

2010-10-26T13:39:00.002-05:00

Being somewhat gone from the proceedings and precesses of those out there that have been continuing to go through religious realignment, has given me a pretty clear and unbiased picture starting to come through. That picture is really startling.

We have completely come to the correct realization that organized religion for the most part is complete bullshit. No problem with that. We threw out the bath water.

But them, we started questioning everything, like ourselves. We lost confidence in ourselves. Second guessing ourselves. If we were taken in by this, how can we trust our own judgement? I will tell you, that you were not taken in. How can this be? Because you just did not have enough information to make the correct decision. It wasn't deliberately being witheld from you. But we got the information anyway. How? Through bible study. The thing that our churches wanted us to do, caused us to fall away from the church. No, let me refrase that, we made the correct choice of moving towards God. But with the shaken confidence in ourselves, led us down roads that we never would have travelled if we still had the confidence in ourselves.

So in questioning our fitness for being wise judges, some have chosen not to choose, and there fore not be right or wrong. This to me is throwing out the baby. We have decided that instead of blaming the organization of humans, that do crap wrong all of the time, we started blaming the entity that was being exploited. We start saying that the entity that has sustained itself for thousands of years, really isn't there. Where are the druids, the followers of baal, and the followers of the aztec Gods that required human sacrifice. Yes the Hindus and Buhda have been around that long too. The bible even says there are other Gods. But do we reject what we once loved because someone else used there requtation badly. Would we hate Billy Graham if we found out that a group using his name without consent, got you to give a large amount of money to them? Just a thought.

But when cleaning the bathtub, it is as important to know what to throw away, as it is what to keep.

I Miss Him Still

2010-09-21T14:36:00.003-05:00

Going along with the last post, reading one posting reduced me to utter sobbing and tears. "He Was A Good Shit" 1/1/2008. It was the feelings that I had for my father, right at the time of his death. I am glad those feelings are still there, and still that strong. It would really be a real disapointment to find that they ever leave.

The Longview

2010-09-18T21:38:00.002-05:00

My grandfather, who I have mentioned many times on this blog, printed out all of my posts, and sent them to me. I have not called him to ask him why. But I will, I am very curious to see why.

Rereading them without having to continuously click and adjust the screen to see the whole post put in a completely new perspective for me. Those things were influenced by all of the people that were part of the blog experience. Thank you for that. It has created a strength and peace that I truly thought could not exist. Thank you.

How I Decided: Part Deaux (Starring Charlie Sheen)

2009-12-11T00:35:00.002-05:00

OK, no Charlie Sheen, but just some more thinking.

Another thing that I had decided to do, was to give myself a break, and allow myself to be human. That means not perfect. Those that I talk to here, I can feel the want to be all that they can be. Well, God accepts everyone, so why do I have to be perfect? That leads back to "We must give God our best." Well, at the time, I was wheeling so badly, I wasn't giving Him anything. 50% of something, is better than 100% of nothing. Anyway, I stopped torturing myself, and just let myself believe what I do now, and be comfortable with it. May I learn something down the line that changes what I believe, absolutely. But it doesn't stress me that it may happen.

How I Decided

2009-11-30T02:51:00.002-05:00

Recently, Michelle inspired me to define my beliefs. They were simple, but living. Not dead as in a book. Even the bible to me is basically a dead thing. But an actual living entity all its own. The Holy Spirit is in me, and I listen to him/her/it, and follow its urges as communication from God. I do not wallow in books, or listen to learned men/women, or follow teachings or theories, trying to figure out who I should make myself become. I am me. I do not need to be anything else. I can't be anything else. So why try?

Where did this come from? Unconsciously, I just said, ENOUGH OF THE SHIT!!! Enough of the the endless debates and searching for the next WOW of philosophies or spiritual data that will come along and define me. I decided, it was time for me to define me. Not the others in the world. So, I decided to decide. I decided, for faith. Faith for things not seen, but believed in. Is it rational, or scientifically provable. NO. But it is what I have decided to believe, and tough shit to anyone that doesn't like it. I am not throwing it in anyones face, or being antagonistic with it. But I will not change to please anyone basically.

Like I said earlier, to me it is a living thing this relationship I have with God. He blesses me, I feel his presence, I feel his hand upon my life. That is all the proof I need to believe, and have faith.

Sho'nai

2009-11-24T00:55:00.003-05:00

Recently I was ask to define what I believed. That hasn't happened to me in a while. Finally it came down to this. With all of the mountainous amounts of information in the world. The only thing that I know for a certainty, is if you show me information to prove something, I can find information to disprove it. Whether within the bible, scientific texts or anything else for that matter. Especially in science. We are so far from even beginning to understand science it is beyond belief. I suppose it is our ridiculously limited perspective spectrum. But I digress. Basically what I am saying is, that there is no proof or certainty of ANYTHING in this life. I am not guaranteed to wake up tomorrow. I just have to take it on faith that I will. That is the crux of it, FAITH.

Where nothing is certain, belief only comes through our faith that it is. I have never gone to an observatory to prove that the astrological information that has been told to me is correct. I have no tangible evidence AT ALL that what has been told to me about the rings of Saturn is true, because I PERSONALLY have never seen them. Does that mean that they do not exist. No, I have NO proof at all. But I have faith.

Faith in those that depart the message. In my heart I know it is true. That is where all of my searching has taken to me. Inside. To my heart. Inside I believe. No matter what anyone says or does, I have decided to believe. I have decided to have faith. Period. So what does that mean to me. Sho'nai.

It is a game played by a warrior race in a book I was reading. They throw knives at one another, and catch them. It is symbolic for their life philosophy. To cast (as in to throw) themselves out (as into the unknown). I have done this, with the only safety net my Faith in God. It works great, so I will stick with it.

Jesus, David's Lineage?

2009-11-01T23:11:00.002-05:00

Jesus will be of King David's lineage. So the prophecy says. So here is the question. Since Jesus was a virgin birth, was Mary of David's lineage? For I am sure God is not. Does anyone know the answer to this question?

Why do I ask since Joseph was of David's lineage? Joseph was Jesus Stepfather, think about it. He was not the biological father. So, was Mary of King David's lineage?

Intelligence As A Curse

2009-09-28T12:33:00.002-05:00

One of the most wonderful things that I found when the journey through the blogoshpere first began, was that I was able to converse with people that could actually understand me. Have incredibly in depth conversations that were meaningful and not superficial. To have people that could challenge and stump me and call me on my dumbass shit. (My wife Sherri is great for that) I call it truly wonderful because of one thing, and this is not boasting, just the truth, my mensa membership. Mensa is a social club for the top 2% of intelligences in the world. Really this is not a bragging session, I entered for a resume' builder. The wonder is the number of highly intelligent people that I ran into here. The thoughts that run through the heads of our small community are truly above the normal level of thought. So thank you for the challenging and wonderful things that you have brought to my life.

But, there is also a couple of HUGE drawbacks that intelligence creates. Three are the most prevalent, and the cause of many of our challenges with our faith. They cause us to create lives that are often much less than we and others would think. I have a friend with Genius IQ that has built a nice life for himself, but he is not a researcher looking to prove string theory for look for the God particle. He lives just a normal life, and he is selling cars at the moment. They cause us to be restless, sometimes insensitive, erratic, eclectic, kind of just odd birds. They create much upheaval in our lives.

First is that since we are smarter than anyone else, we don't listen to anyone else. Our experiences have taught us that our perceptions are correct much more often than that of those around us. So we will listen to those around us, but reach our own decisions. Meaning, if we are in an institutional church, we will politely listen to them, then come to our own conclusion, and it will not be that of the institution. Then we feel betrayed that something so important could be imparted to us incorrectly.

Next is that we have a stronger sense of the thing that is built into all humans, it is called the law of diminishing returns. Meaning that the more we experience anything, the less wonderful and exciting it is. My best explanation is that when we have a favorite food, and then proceed to have it everyday for a month, it is not so special anymore. Then it is common and ordinary and does not hold that same special place in our hearts it used to. This causes us to be wanderers in the mental landscape. I have found that truly intelligent hate true change and upheaval. We like our routines and comforts, and hate those things that majorly impinges upon them. But with our mental wanderings, they go far and wide. Erin speaks of the super collider in France, Barry peaks of the philosophies of the world, Michelle speaks of Jung often, these are not normal conversation points for the populace at large. But our minds MUST seek these things out, no choice.

Lastly, we can comprehend those things that others cannot. This is the worst one. Why? Many times we expect that others have to be able to comprehend because it is so obvious. But they are really just completely unable to grasp the entirety of the concept. Many times we judge them for this. We wonder how they can be so small and petty. But that is ofttimes the extent of their mentality. They can do no better. It has been very hard for me to reconcile that fact in my own perceptions and feelings towards those in the establishment. For I am commanded to love them. I find it easier to love the Gay community than the church at the moment, but love them I must. Not just love them, but care about their fate, lives , loves, cares, and anything else. It is hard to reconcile that concept.

What does all of this mean to us, those highly intelligent creatures that have no mental rest or reassurance. Well, it comes down to faith. Faith is belief in things unseen, unprovable, and intangible. Fortunately for me, I have quantifiable proof of providence. But, as stated earlier, we only believe our own conclusions, so you wouldn't believe me if I told you. (ha, ha) We have the hard part. To accept those that, no matter how hard we try, are not EVER going to be at our level of knowledge understanding, or faith. Again, not a boast, just a fact. Some can run the 100M in under 10 Seconds, I can't, it is the same in this. It is just a natural ability, and we cannot fault birth. God made us as he wants us, and to reject His creation to me is wrong.

Broken Belief Structure

2009-09-12T17:33:00.005-05:00

It has been a while since I posted with any regularity, feeling like there was not much else to say. Even in the beginning of this transition, I felt that in some way, helping those believers that were actively looking for God, and not finding him in a church would need to be helped to find their way, and not be discouraged. So lately I had been thinking about what the last step is, finding the God they can believe in. Now I have been thinking about what will cause the first step to happen.

This is what I found while reading a blog that did not appeal to me. But it made me think, "why don't others grasp our new truths that we have found?" Pondering that, it hit me. Their belief structure is intact, it has all of the answers it needs, so why would they want new answers? There is no reason for them. Also, within the doctrinally filtered lenses that people tend to look at things, they will just see how whatever you say just fits within their own belief structure, and see no need to change.

BUT, when those that are in earnest about their faith study, and find a different God staring up at them out of the pages of their bible, than the one being told about in church, their belief structure doesn't just crumble, it collapses. Crashing down on them, leaving them angry, bitter and in utter despair. Sound familiar?

I guess the next thing to ponder, is how to get from the first step, to the last, keeping the sanity intact.

Understanding In "MY" Own Way

2009-09-06T22:45:00.005-05:00

Things that I could not understand:
*How God is love, yet we are to hate so many different people. (gays, etc...)
*How God is Multi-Polar (multiple personalities) as in the trinity.
*Where did all the rules about cussing and smoking come from?
*Why, if we are supposed to "Go unto the world", were we requiring them to come to us.
*Why, did we expect people that are new to the faith to stand on their own, and not give mentors?
*Why, when some one was having a crisis of faith, did we ostracize them when they showed human frailties?
*Why is Song of Solomon in the bible, yet sex is something so shunned, that it cripples many from having healthy sexual relationships with their own spouses, and effects such horrible responses from people when it is such a natural act?

This is why I no longer go to church. These things and many others simply did not make sense to me, and the hard line doctrines, would never be able to explain. Nor were people in any mood to change their way of being because they did not see it as wrong. I have railed against those people and their shortsightedness, and made some very disturbing references to them. But with this last revelation that has come to me, I realize that I was very unfair to them, especially in my mantra of "personal faith."

The realization came to me as they usually do, when thinking of something else, while also pondering some other good meaning peoples challenges. The question that I was pondering, was how to help those that had lost their way. To do that, (oh God are you really doing this to me) I have to quote a very popular business book that has helped many achieve what they wanted, I had to "start with the end in mind." What was the destination? Where would I take these people that are asking for help? Back into a church system that I personally think is screwed as hell. That they think is screwed as hell. No, that would not do. Then I started thinking about something else, just let my mind wonder, and allowed myself to listen to the spirit. This is what he/she/it said.

"Each has to learn to understand God, in THEIR own way."

Not such an earth shattering statement. Yea, yea, we all know we are supposed to do that. But when I contemplated it, there may have been an actual WOW that escaped my lips. Those people that love to go to church, you know the ones I mean. The ones depicted by Dana Carvey as the church lady. They are understanding, "in THEIR own way." Those who just go in and don't rock the boat, those that are on fifty committees and are at church every day, to those that come when they feel like it only fifteen to twenty times a year, or maybe just Easter and Christmas. Those that go to church as in chat rooms and blogs. Those that will just meet with some friends on occasion and talk about God. That is "THEIR" understanding, and it is enough for them. Who am I to judge. God knows that I am not perfect, and never will be. But he accepts me, so he will accept them too.

So, what each of us that have been through the deconstruction and reconstruction process has found, is not the God depicted to us by a doctrine, not just a God that has already accepted us, but a God "WE" can accept, believe in, and look up to in worship. A God we can "Understand in our OWN way."

Two Weeks

2009-08-09T22:06:00.001-05:00

I quit my job in Savannah, GA, because I hated it, and Savannah. It only took two weeks in this economy for me to get another job. One that I did not apply for, and, one where I did not know anyone. That is called providence, and for that I am thankful.

Christian Karma

2009-06-25T10:06:00.002-05:00

"Be sure your sins will find you out." Meaning that sooner or later our actions will come back to around to us. So if we do bad things, they will come back, if we do good things, they will come back.

Be Careful What You Pray For

2009-06-18T22:35:00.002-05:00

The fun thing about God, is that we do not always get what we want in the way we want. For if we pray for patience, we get the opportunity to practice that patience. If we pray for strength, we get the situation that allows us to be strong.

The Librty Of Christ

2009-05-23T00:21:00.002-05:00

I have been thinking lately of the "Liberty of Christ" that Paul spoke of. Most any who consider themselves Christians have felt this at one time or another. The time most spoken of is when they have their conversion experience. When they feel the burdens they possess being lifted to the cross where Jesus so willingly takes those burdens away. The great feeling of relief and freedom that comes with the decision to allow God to rule their lives. What is the first thing that those people do, go to church. Why? Because that is what those who have given their life to God are supposed to do, everyone knows that. Everyone.

When they come in to their new home, looking for the Father, he/she is there to offer advice and give direction on what to do with their new found faith. This is how you should dress, this is how you should pray, this is how you should talk, this is how you should think, this is how you should serve your God, this is how you should behave, those that don't think as you do are not as good as you, you should be constantly trying to get others to believe as you do, this is your mission. Where is the freedom in this?

When those who do not find that "Liberty of Christ" in the church setting, so full of restrictions, the feeling they had when their burdens were lifted, they become disillusioned with their faith. First blaming themselves, as any good christian has been taught to do. "For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." It is written in the bible, and not to be disputed. Therefore, the fault must lie in their own failings. When they find that this is not really the case, they did all that was ask of them at their church. They then think that what they have been taught was all erroneous, and that their faith was all a lie. That God isn't really there, and having faith is for the stupid and easily fooled. But this is not the case either.

The truth comes in giving yourself to God Himself, and not to a church made of people. God wants you for himself. Not for you to give yourself a new God called the church. We have many Gods in this materialistic world. The God of the "Cool Car", "Nice House", "Latest Cell Phone", "Big Screen TV", "Designer Labels", and so on. Whatever we live our lives for is our God. So if we live our lives for the church, we have replaced our God, with a false one. Satan loves our current church system. It drives as many away from God as to Him.

When those that are disillusioned with all of this, distance themselves from the church, and start living for God alone, do they ever feel the "Liberty of Christ" again. When they throw off the shackles of the rules handed down by men, and accept God's rule in their lives, can the truly freeing feeling of that liberty be felt again. As for me, "Give me liberty, or give me death."

Sanctuary

2008-10-13T21:56:00.001-05:00

Any place of refuge; asylum. Immunity afforded by refuge in a place.

I was struck by this word the other day. Sanctuary. A place of peace and safety. Such an interesting word to use for the main congrating area of a church.

Were We Wrong?

2008-09-12T10:21:00.003-05:00

John 14:6
"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."

This is one of my favorite passages in the bible. It means to me the fulfillment of the covenant made to Abraham by God. I am the way, Jesus created the way to God outside of the priests. I am the truth. "The Truth" is another name for the Holy Spirit. Jesus made it possible for everyone to have the Holy spirit in them. I am the life. Jesus made it possible for everyone to have eternal life. Awesome and wonderful things.

But it just hit me, I may have been taught to misinterpret the next line. No man cometh unto the father, but by me. I have been taught, that that means that I have to accept Jesus as my personal savior, or I am damned to hell. What if it is taken in the context of the rest of the verse, rather than in a separate context. Meaning, that the original context of the sentence, is that "I am causing these things to happen." There is no instruction of an action item in them. Following that context, It is just a statement of effect, not an action to be taken. Meaning, that not all people have to accept him as a personal savior. Just that his actions caused the possibility of coming to the father. Not that you have to make Jesus your personal savior.

This would answer the question for me, "What about those wonderfully devoted Muslims, and Jews that have given their lives to God in dutiful service? Are they just ignored by God because they didn't GET IT?" Or are they still accepted by God, because Jesus has created a way that goes directly to God?

About me #4

2008-07-08T20:25:00.007-05:00

I know that I got off of this track a while ago, so if you would like to revisit and get cuaght up on the read, here are the other posts:
About Me #1
About Me #2
About Me #3

Every time that I moved. I had a specific purpose in mind of what I wanted to accomplish. After going home and drying out to a point where I did not NEED to be blasted to cope, I found out I had a crappy job, and had a lot of bills. During My drugs and drunkenness period in Grand Forks, North Dakota, I had BALLOONED up to 198 pounds. 33 pounds over my fighting weight. So, along with drying out, I turned my attention to losing weight, and determining what I would do with my future. I would lift light weights three times a week, and RUN everywhere I went on deliveries for Domino's Pizza. I lost 38 pounds in the matter of 5 months, and got down to 160, with a 31 inch waist, at my final height of six feet. I was the skinniest I had ever been in my life. As to my future, I had decided to try to go back to college. But being a manager at Domino's for so long, I had made too much money. So I had to lower my reported income for a full year so that I would qualify for financial assistance. Delivering pizza became my life for a while in Duluth, Minnesota. But when college let out, I would not earn enough money to pay my bills. Then I got a call from someone that I used to work with in Grand Forks, inviting me to come and deliver pizzas for him in West Des Moines, Iowa. I would make great money, and not have to work very hard. So Off I went.

This instituted the next phase of my life. At the time I did not know it, but it was the "who am I going to become" phase.

So one day, I loaded up my car, and set off for Des Moines, and to kill time until I could go back to school. I showed up at my buddies house, car loaded up, and knocked on the door. Cora, one of the most beautiful people I have ever known, answered the door. There was a great look of surprise on her face, and she said, "Hey Nate, what are you doing here?" Her husband had not told her I was coming, AND going to live with them. Got a real warm welcome there. But as I said, she was one of the most wonderful people I have ever met, and she made me as welcome as she could. I am not a good roommate. She hated me living there, but would never say a word to me. The next day, I found one of my favorite restaurants of all time. Shang Yuen's chinese restaurant. Cheap, with lots of food, and very good. Just thougt I would throw that in there. But, I started working for my friend, out performing everyone the first night I was there by far. I had never even driven in that neighborhood before. But along with this, my friend had told the district manager there about me and my management talents. So, as the only driver in the city to be invited, I found myself with the managers on a celebration for achieving sales over last year for the first time in a long time. We went to a minor league baseball game. I remember that night pretty well, I got drunk and made an ass out of myself. I also met a bunch of new people, one of which was a woman, the only female manager. She was short, about 5' 2", skinny, and kind of quiet. I got a weird feeling when meeting her, but didn't dwell on it. After that, I was still invited to the manager functions, because the District Manager wanted me to manage for him. So delivering pizzas, and hanging out with Domino's people getting drunk became my life. Sound familiar?

I convinced one of my friends to come down to work in Des Moines, because he was not making enough money in Duluth. He started working for the female manager. Her name was Sherri, and he said, "she is kinda quiet until you get to know her, but she is really cool." Tony, my friend, and I used to go out to a new restaurant every Tuesday, and then go to "Frogs" and shoot free pool. One day, he wasn't able to make it, so I invited Sherri to go. We chose Raul's, and we ate. I was trying without much success to try to get her to talk, and finally gave up and took her back to my house. She was Cora's friend, and had parked her car at my house. I thought that Tony must be off his rocker if he thought she was cool. Just to continue my wonderful roommate ways, I brought a girl back, and while leaving, Sherri and Cora ask, "Who was that?" "Some girl named Debbie," I replied. When people asked Sherri what she thought of me, she would say, "He's good looking, but what an asshole." She was right on the money.

Also at this time, I found a place that really helped me shape who I would become, Ebenezer Frog's. It was a bar with pool tables in it. I had turned twenty-one the previous year. But being broke and living with the pastor dad, I had not done a lot of the bar scene thing. So I started hanging out there. It was my kind of place. A dive. I love dive bars. I love the people in dive bars. They are a real that cannot be duplicated. They are just who they are, and don't give a shit if people don't like it. But there I learned to relate to real adults. Not just the party people that I normally hung out with. Also, I started playing pool. Eight ball, nine ball, and what ever other game. But mainly eight ball. Why is this so important? It taught me focus. It taught me to rely on my skill. It taught me to achieve in a directed path. I know it sounds strange, but it was very important to my life as a whole.

This post is only covering four months of my life. It is really set up for next post. As this one is too long already. But these seemingly unrelated events, churned into where my life would go for the next 18 years.

Believe It or Not

2008-07-02T21:30:00.003-05:00

A pastor put a large box of softball, or so, sized rocks prominently up front on the stage before the service began. All of the leaders of the service were told to ignore the box, and act as if it was not there. So the service began, and the congregation began to wonder about the box. The pastor could see the intrigue on their faces. The minds spinning just wondering what it was all about. The pastor gets up, and begins his sermon. His sermon was on John 8, and the adulterous woman. At the critical point, he asks, "Anyone who is in this congregation today, who is with out sin, come and pick up a stone." To his shock and dismay, and that of the whole congregation, a young man stands up, walks to the front, mounts the stage, and picks up a stone. The flabbergasted pastor, walks over to the young man, and says, "Son, I asked for those who had no sin to come up. Are you saying you have no sin in your life?" The young man looks at him a little confused, and can tell that the pastor is a little upset at him. He replies, "No sir, I have no sin. Jesus took my sins away as far as the east is from the west. You read that to me from out of your bible. What's wrong, don't you believe what you read in the bible?"

Living Your Faith

2008-05-25T00:27:00.002-05:00

Recently with all of the things that have been happening to me, it hit me that living my faith, and professing my faith are two different things. It also came from a saying that I have known about for a long time, but read again recently. True beliefs will be shown in actions. I have been talking with a Mormon friend of mine about his exact thing. We agree, but use different words to say the same thing.

The only thing that I have been able to do emotionally, is to lean on God. It has been WAAAAAY too much for me to handle. Putting me in areas that are rediculously uncomfortable, and I have no idea of how to deal with. So I pray a lot, and just do what feels right. Praying that it is the Holy Spirit leading. This is really hard for a control freak like me to do. Maybe that is the test. But, the realization that I was actully living what I professed, kind of shocked me. Being shocked by this REALLY SHOCKED me. It made me realize that what I had been saying about my faith for so long, was just crap. Because every time it got hard, I took it upon myself to dig myself out. Yeh, I said that I was relying on God, but I really wasn't. This time it was too much for me to handle. So I couldn't. It was highly uncomfortable to ride on the waves. The emotions of dispair, frustration, anger, and futility almost laid me low. But God has got us through this time so far. I know he will continue to.

How God Moves

2008-05-08T20:26:00.002-05:00

Many times I have wondered about how God accomplishes things, but doesn't seem to. Recently something happened that put it in a perspective for me. I am a restaurant manager. A restaurant opened up in a city about four hours away. I told my boss's boss, that I was interested. From his reaction, it hit me how God probably works today, and why we don't SEE those miracles that everyone wants to see.

The reaction from my boss was surprisingly upbeat. He told me a little about the restaurant, and kind of gave a sales pitch for it. It was out of character for him in the extreme. Then it hit me.

When Jesus died on the cross, he became the way the truth and the life. The way to God, the possiblbity of eternal life, and most important to this, made it possible for a bit of the truth to be put in everyone. The truth is another name for the Holy Spirit. Some of the Holy Spirit resides in every person on the earth. With this, God can give nudges, but cannot control every person on the planet. So, when a situation shows up that he wants to assist with, he gives nudges to receptive people, and they react in a way that will resolve our issue. That is why no miracles are necessary, he uses the likes of you and me to help him solve our problems. Nothing like delegation. that is my thoughts on it anyway, not biblical by any means, but makes a lot of sense to me.

About Me #3

2008-03-08T09:44:00.003-05:00

After leaving high school and entering my own life, as it were, there were four driving passions that compelled my actions and decisions. These were sex, chemicals, career, and God. Through all that I have gone through, and will go through, God was always there, and I wanted to be where he wanted me to be. He knew I had the prodigal son thing in me that had to be worked out. I will go through these things one driving force at a time, then tie them together at the end.

When leaving high school, the first thing that I set out to do was to become a millionaire by the time I was twenty. How hard could it be? The first summer out of school I worked at a golf course and a dentist office, about sixty to seventy hours a week. Then came college, and work. When leaving high school, I had been accepted to the University of Minnesota Institute of Technology, and could have gotten a degree with an outlay of $6,000, the rest through grants and scholarships. Helped by poor parents and high ACTs and SATs. For economy's sake, went to the local community college to save some money on the required that would transfer. I hated the thirteenth grade, and finally quit after two months. Mainly because it interfered with my partying. Then I was accepted by the Domino's Pizza I was working at as an assistant manager. Domino's Pizza was huge at the time and making many people rich. So I thought that was my ticket to riches and my best friend agreed. So we decided to make a play for some franchises in western New York. We found out exactly how stupid, naive, and ignorant we really were. We failed miserably. We went back to the franchisee that we worked for before. Because of the large amount of partying I still did, I was unsuccessful as a General Manager. Also because of that partying, I decided I needed to dry out, and moved home to Mom and Dad's. There I got a job at the local Domino's Pizza, which led to a transfer to Des Moines Iowa. Even though I was always partying hard, I was always extra successful where ever I went. Always excelling in the performance of the restaurant's sales, profits, and service. I knew I was great at Domino's Pizza, and in the end I was, but always trying to find my home.

Then there was the adolescence's attempt at trying to figure out how to deal with women. In the real world, it was very different from high school. I did not have women throwing themselves at me because of my social status, so I was completely unable to deal with a relationship on my own. This led to many strange situations. One of the most notably, with a married woman. Her husband became suspicious of us, he was an Air Force missile cop. He had a gun, and came to my home with it. Luckily, that night she was not at my house, like she normally was. We finally calmed him down enough that we let him in. He looked around, did not find her and called his house. She was at home. Close call. Then there was her friend that went trolling for threesomes. She would have an affair, then see who would be willing to have a threesome with her and her husband. Normally the lure was her sexual inhibitions, most young men would only fantasize about, she would do. Then there was potato chip, or free-to-lay. She would often take on multiple partners at the same time. I will not go on, but this just kind of lets you know where that drive went. It was not healthy at all. But in Des Moines that changed.

Chemicals were also a driving passion. I could drink A LOT. So much it would astonish people. When in high school the point of pride would be that I could drink a case of beer in a night. Yes, by myself. But after a while, this begins to be repetitive. So we, my best friend was almost always there, went in search of more interesting ways to become blasted. Our mentor was a guy who came from California, he had done everything chemically, and kind of guided our path along. This is the period of time my chemical use got out of hand. I had only two rules, nothing addictive, and nothing lethal. But that still leaves a lot of things to do. A typical day would see me drinking until I was at .34 or better alcohol content. Alcohol only leaves the system at .01 per hour. So by the time I started drinking again, I was still over .1. I was drunk for six months straight. On top of that was dope. Smoked it everyday. It was all free, so what did it matter how much was done. Got it from the guide. Then when coming home some days, I would be told to open my mouth, then something would be popped in it, and I would be off. Normally it would be revealed to me later what was having this effect on me. Then the Stones concert and my all time favorite drug, LSD. Loved LSD. It would have been the one thing to totally take me over if I let it. It was carefully rationed. Then came the day, when I drank over a liter of hard liquor, and woke up without a hangover. This scared the hell out of me. Realizing that I could drink myself to death, and never puke. My body, just being so used to the alcohol, would not realize anything was wrong until I was dead. I decided to move to Mom and Dad's because of this. When my pastor father came to help me move, he walked in on the beeramid. Over two thousand beer cans that had accumulated in under 5 months in the apartment of me and my best friend. Oh yeah, he was right beside me through all of this stuff. When in Duluth, MN trying to dry out, my body had some real strange reactions. The first time I drank, I ended up driving through a residential neighborhood at 90 miles an hour to a local airport. Where I promptly ran into an airplane. Then got out of my car pissed of and started jumping up and down on the plane. Went back to a buddies house, rifled the purse of the person he had brought home, puked on his couch, and went to sleep. Only to be awoken by the irate woman. After she left, he looked at the mess on the couch, turned the cushion over, and thought that my escapades were cool. So I had another drinking buddy. Another time, later into the drying out, I totally lost contact with reality on very few drinks. Maybe four or five. My body was really rejecting everything. Then I moved to Des Moines.

Through all of the debauchery and intoxication, any time a decision to move or make a big move came, I always prayed about it. Strange I know. To believe that you could still have a connection to God through all of this seeming Godlessness. But, being a pastors kid, I had seen all of the parents in the church in compromising situations. Parents don't hide their freakiness as well as they think they do from their kids. We would talk about it. So when these things were happening, it was just normal that drunkenness, sex, and other things that were in the church, were in my life. At the time it did not seem like any contradiction at all. I know better now, but not then. This brings everything to a new and pivotal place in my life. Where the career took over, and my savior found me. No, my savior was not Jesus, it was a woman.

About Me #2

2008-02-27T23:41:00.002-05:00

It is certainly true that this installment will be much more interesting that the last one. Juicier as it were. Because when we moved to Thief River Falls, Minnesota from Kansas, it was like moving to another world. In Savonburg, Kansas, the school I went to was very small. I had eight people in my class, and six in the class above me. We were in the same room together. In these classes, I was the fastest, smartest, and most popular kid there. Not so in my new home. That was a shock that would take many many years to overcome. As with all children, we form a world in our minds, and think everything works that way. Well, the things that were COOL where I was, were not COOL here. So in my trying to fit in by showing those talents that I thought were cool, only made me seem strange. Also by moving to a larger town, there was more money around. Greater highs for the those that have, and a greater seperation from the have nots. In Kansas, I wore what everyone else wore, cheap clothing, because that was all the farmers in the area could afford. Here, there were brand names, styles, fads, etc... etc.. Well, my family had no money, so I wasn't allowed to have any of those things. So I went from being the most popular person, and most talented around. To being the weird kid that wore the odd clothes.

That made being in this new place very hard for me. The popular kids already had their friends. So when trying to make friends, or play with someone my own age, I had to hang out with the people that had no friends already, basically the losers. That made me even more unpopular. It was a very hard time for me, and this created a basis for a very long journey for acceptance that caught me up and had a profound effect on my life.

For two and a half years, I was very unhappy. I had no good friends, and was very lonely. Then I met Gene Lepala. He was interested in all of the things I was interested in, and he had his best friend move away about the same time we met. We became great friends, and saw each other and talked to each other everyday. We had seperate interests as well, but were always together when we could be. We were at each others houses all the time. For the next four years my life was pretty good.

During that time, I had started to play hockey, football, and golf. Through my above average talents and some personality, I had once again became friends with the popular crowd, called "jocks." But retained many of the friends that I had made when I was not so popular in the crowd called "ticks." Plus, I enjoyed academics and was in with that crowd too. I knew everyone. Also, I became more and more involved with church. Becoming almost fanatical in my belief structure, believing everything that was told to me. Until in my senior year, everything changed.

We were poor, that I have explained before, so to dress like everyone else and not get made fun of, I had gotten any job that I could to help pay for my school clothes, the right shoes, attractive jackets and hockey equipment. I held two to three jobs all through high school. In the ever increasing need to keep up, when those around me started getting their jobs, I had to get a better paying job so that I could keep up. I started working for Domino's Pizza. This was a critical point for me. Also, I was very shy, but finally I started dating, and it was the combination of women and work that led me to a number of interesting things.

At church, our youth group was very strong and tight knit, and we started getting into the "new christian rock." Keith Green, Steve Camp, Petra, Rez Band, The Messiah Prophet band, and Stryper. Some pretty tame, others VERY heavey metal. The backlash at church came from those that thought all rock music was bad. This is where my break from the authorities of the church came from. I read my bible one chapter a night before going to bed, for years. I knew it, very well. So when scriptures about rock and roll and its evils were spouted, I spouted back the about dancing for God, the evils of the accepted country music so many in church listened to, so on and so forth. Then I ask the real question, "Have any of you listened to the music you are putting down?" the answer was. "That they would not defile themselves in that way." Then the event that caused me to question happened. I quoted Jude 10-11. About those speaking evil of things that they know not. That caused QUITE a stir. In Jude, he was talking about devil worshippers, not what good God fearing people want to be referred to. My father, the pastor, said I had to write an apology. I said that I beieved what I quoted, and was in no way sorry. Then it happened, my father, the man I still respect above all other followers of God said, "It doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, it is necessary for the peace of the congregation and my standing within it." BOOM!! Right is not necessary in church, just the unity of the organization. That lesson above all others that he taught me has stuck with me the most.

Also at this time, I was working at Domino's Pizza, and with a heavey partying crowd. At the Christmas party, there was drinking, and it was my first time getting drunk. I was 18, and it was a LOT of fun. Just another thing the church was wrong about. So, I started partying. It was hard at first, but I started to find a party a weekend. Then two or three. Then everyone would come to me to ask me to promote their party. I went to them ALL. I was a lot of fun, and everyone welcomed me to their parties. I would start out at 7-8PM with the Jocks, their curfews were around 10-11PM. Then I would party with the Ticks, Their curfews around 12-2AM. Then I would party with the Domino's crowd until 5-6AM. I would tell my parents that I was closing at Domino's, leave the garage door up so as not to disturb them opening it when I came home. Domino's closed at 2AM, I normally got home around 3AM. By the end of school, I was directing the different groups of people to the appropriate party for them, when they came and ask where the parties were. I also, ignored the people in my church group, to the point of not even returning a "Hi" said in the hallway. It did not fit with my new image. What a dick I was.

Also at the same time, I said I started dating. I don't know if that would really be the word. Becoming a slut is a better descirption. When I was younger, I was pudgy, always on the edge of the huskey section. So I had a poor self image, and did not think that I was attractive. Being a golfer, and golfing up to 300 rounds a summer at our small 9 hole course, I got a jof there between my Junior and senior year in school. I started out the summer, 5'4" 170 lbs, chubby. By the end of the summer, working 70 to 80 hours a week, hitting a growth spurt, I was a very tan, 5'10" 160 lbs. I had gotten a great new body, but still had the same self image. So when I started partying, I did not care who I hung out with, a lot of girls came after me, and got me. The night I lost my virginity, I was 18, and a 35 year old woman that I worked with, basically took in a bedroom, and we started going at it. Later that evening, I had sex with another woman as well, 23 years old. Then her sister, and anyone else who would grab me and take me to a bedroom. They knew I was easy, popular, and would add status to them to get me. I guess it was the worst when on prom night, I actually worked at Domino's, got to the prom parties about 11PM, drove a bunch of STINKING drunk people home, because I was sober. Then in one of the hotel rooms at 6AM, a bunch of them came into the room where I was sleeping on the floor with the girl I was with that night, they tried to grab the blakets off of us. Yes we were still naked. I let her take the blanket and keep her modesty. I didn't care, I got up in front of those thirty or so people, with used condom still on, looked at the clock and said, "Oh shit, Dad's up." Yeah I got busted by my dad, got rumors flying all around about my parading around in the hotel room, and I loved it all.

I went into high school a shy, chubby, scholarly, athlete, and left a hard partying, sex machine that treated women horribly. I was totally consumed with myself, and getting everything that I could for me. I never stopped to think of anyone else. This is not even the worst it got. Through it all, my best friend was beside me.

About Me #1

2008-02-03T00:22:00.000-05:00

So many of us out here in the blogosphere hook up, and talk without really knowing one another. Our talks are based on a subject, and rarely go off of that track. So, for the friends that I have collected here, I would like to give an idea of where I come from, and my spiritual journey. Starting at the beginning. If this seems to be a valuable idea, please comment to let me know. If it will not help our relationship, please tell me as well. This will probably take a number of posts and a lot of time. I don't mind honesty.

I was born to a pastor and his wife in Lawrence, Kansas, with two sisters already in place. We lived in a town called DeSoto, just outside of Kansas City, Kansas. While we lived in DeSoto, I have very few memories. We moved when I was four, so the memories I have are distant and not very powerful.

We moved to a small town called Savonburg in Kansas. It is in the south east corner of the state, it had a population of one hundred when we moved there. When we left, there were only 60 people. This is where my memories start in earnest. My first birthday there, my fourth, I received a Tonka truck for my birthday. My dad made me a 12' x 12' sand box to play with it in. That was the coolest.

When I was about 6, I went to my first baptism. WOW, was that awesome. People got to get into the water with all of their clothes on. I wanted to do that too. So, going to church as I did, knew that you had to accept christ to be baptised. So I told my Dad that I wanted to accept Christ in to my heart. So at the age of 6 or 7, knelt down with my father, and said the sinners prayer. It was in the nursery room, in the back of the church where all of the toys were. Remember it still to this day.

Trying to be a good boy, and a good christian, I really did get into church pretty well. I really tried to do what is right. Then, came the pentecostal era to the church. For the first time around the age of 9, I really felt the Spirit of the Lord around and upon me. It was a wonderful feeling. I found that by being with the adults around me, singing in the praise sessions and the prayer meetings that I often felt that again. I even tried speaking in tongues. Yes, at 10 years old. Lets you know how impressionable young minds are. Thinking back on it now, it was silliness, but it was serious to me. There are not many details of this time in my life. Just not a lot really happening in the small town that really had an impact on me. Little did I know how much things would change. We moved again.

Staying Out Of The Way

2008-01-20T21:07:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago, I was just talking with someone about things. I had no agenda, I was just there because I felt like being there. The person I was talking to, was reminiscing, and I gave them my perspective on those things. I was not trying to convince, manipulate, or do anything. Just talking with a friend. So imagine my surprise when this person made a conscious commitment to God. When giving the reasoning, they were what I had said, almost word for word. At the time I had forgotten the conversation. It took a while to remember the whole conversation, but when I did, I just smiled. God did something, and I had no idea that he had used me. I had no clue that this other person was in the middle of making a decision, had no clue of the spiritual turmoil. But this person is very special to me, I pray for him everyday. I am very grateful that I did not try to persuade this person, I would have only screwed it up.

Too often times, we in our conceit, think that we can doo things better than God. What we then do, is step outside of who he made us, and try to be something we think will be pleasing to God. Well, God is pleased with the person he made, you don't have to be anyone else. So when we step into any situation trying to help, it doesn't work. I like to tell my daughter, "unwanted help, is called nuisance." That is what we do to God when we try to "help God" do his thing. So when God is calling, do what you feel him asking you to do, no more.

4 Things/#4 We Are All God's Children

2008-01-18T23:35:00.000-05:00

Many people love to quote that, "The path is straight and narrow." Many believe that there is only one path. I have been led by the Holy Spirit to believe that for each person there is only one path. The path that God would like them on. So for many of you who know me, this next part will sound really weird.

That some people who go to doctrinal organizations, (churches) are supposed to be there. Because the nature that God gave them is nurtured best in a stable non-changing environment. That those who are following blindly the leaders in front of them, are also following God to the best of their ability. That is all God asks.

It does not matter how people get the message of salvation, only that they get it. If it is the message of repentence, confession, faith in God, belief in Jesus grace, and obedience, you have it. It is how you live it afterwards, is what matters.

Living it is under two commandments. 1. Love the Lord your God with all of your heart, soul, mind, and strength. 2. Love your neighbor as yourself. Also, doing these things, with a heart of a servant. One that is happy to fulfill the master's wishes as best they can.

No matter where these people happen to choose to worship, pray, go to church, not go to church, etc.. etc.. If these things are evident,then they are Gods children too.

He Was A Good Shit

2008-01-01T12:38:00.000-05:00

I don't know any higher words of praise that exist. Considering 45 years ago, that person would not have even had the opportunity of knowing my father had he lived in this town. When my father was 22, he was a strict, let me rephrase that, STIRCT!!!!! baptist. He would not play cards, allow my sisters to wear pants, play secular music, dance, go into a bar, go anyplace that served alcohol, associate with hippies, (they are all homosexual drug addicts) talk to people with tattoos, piercings (ears included, that is for whores) etc....

Yet, throughout the years, listening to the Holy Spirit, my father has done most of those things that he said he would never do as a good christian. The person that told me that my father was a good shit, was Susie, the bar owner's Mom. Even though my father passed on, life goes on. Plus I needed a drink and it was New Years Eve. When Susie ask about us, we told them why we were there, and then she paid him that compliment. Back in the day, my father would have never set foot in a bar, so he never would have met Susie. Or found people that needed to hear what he had to say. He would have kept trying to get them to go to the REVIVAL meeting, to get saved. But he learned to love everyone. He danced with my sister in law at her wedding. Every child there, gawked at that. And smiled at that. We remember the old attitudes.

The reason that this particular compliment is so powerful to me, is that, my father followed the Holy Spirit no matter what. Even when it went against his church taught beliefs. Even when people thought him strange, which was often. It lead him from the paths of strict behavioral patterns that some doctrines require, to the place where everyone was accepted and loved. No matter what. Not lip service, but actual love. He became a servant, not a leader, but a follower, a follower of the Holy Spirit. And in following the Holy Spirit, he became a leader of men.

He was the perfect example to have for a father, husband, and spiritual leader. He practiced what he preached. If he didn't believe it, he didn't teach it, and he would not act on it. When he made mistakes he told people of them, and ask for forgiveness. He became angry, fought with my mother, yelled at his kids, and worried about money. But he showed us how to do those things correctly. When he became angry, he never lost control, and always made a good character point. When he fought with my mother, he never became personal, stuck to the issue, and backed down, even if he thought he was right, if he could see it was really important to my mother. Yelling at us kids, well, we needed yelling at, and spanked too. But always for a reason, and we knew why, and we always deserved it. When he worried about money, he also prayed about money, and showed us God's providence again and again.

He is the man I respect and admire the most. He is the only truly righteous man I have ever known. He was a husband that taught me how to be a good husband. The father that taught me to be a good father. The man, that taught me to be a man. I love him, and will miss him, until I see him again.

My Father Died Today

2007-12-29T18:03:00.000-05:00

Today about 11:00 AM CST my father had a massive heart attack and died. My mother and he were talking about what to have for lunch. He went into the laundry room to put some clothes in, and my mother heard him fall hard. His head made a hole in the drywall. He was dead before he hit the floor.

Please pray for my mother, she was married to my father for 46 years. He was her life, and I do not know how she will deal with this. She dealt well with his stroke 8 years ago. But this is different, this is loss, this is saying good bye, forever. Pray that my mother can have a clear enough mind to determine what she would like to do from here on.

Also pray for my whole family. They were together for Christmas as always. This time, I could not make it. I had to work. I did not get to see him, or say good bye to him. That will always be a huge regret for me. Not fighting harder to go and see him. At least my last words to him are always, "I love you."

4 Things/#3 I Am Good Enough

2007-12-20T01:36:00.000-05:00

This one will not be long. But many people believe that God wants them to be something other than what they are. They are told that they have evil natures, that they must conform into the image of Jesus, that we are unworthy of grace, that when we sin, we are so ugly to God that he can not look at us, etc...etc...etc..

If God wanted you to be something other than what you are, he would have made you what he wanted. Oh, wait, He already did.

God does not screw up. God did not make a defective you. God made you as you are supposed to be. So, quit listening to people who tell you, that you are not good enough just the way you are. God wants you to be just who you are. He made you with certain talents. If you try to be someone else, then you won't be what he wants you to be. So, wear what you want to wear. Talk like you like to talk. Eat what you like to eat. Hang out where you like to hang out. Just be you. That is all God wants.

4 Things/#2 Doctrine vs The Path

2007-12-17T16:23:00.000-05:00

One of the other HUGE things that has come to me, is the difference between believing in a doctrine, and following the path God has chosen for me.

First the realization of the deadness of doctrine. Doctrine, is a destination, not a journey. Doctrines are a clearly defined set of beliefs based upon specifically chosen scriptures from the bible. The only real thing that I have learned about doctrines and the bible, is that by carefully choosing the passages for proof, almost any position on faith can be proven through scripture when interpreted through a specific filter. Meaning, in essence, I can basically prove almost anything biblically. Once realizing this, it made doctrines of any kind highly suspect. Then upon more research of the ordained leaders of our churchs, came to find out that a great number of them, about 98%, don't regularly study the bible. WHAT? You say. Oh yes, in seminary, they are taught all about their doctrine, what verses support it. How to use those verses to alleviate the fears of any who come with questions about doctrinal beliefs. Being so well armed, is a great disadvantage to them. Great for institutionalized church, but really bad the for pastor, father, priest, etc.. Since they have all of the answers to their questions, why look into the scriptures anymore? Anytime they do read the scriptures, they look at it through their doctrine filtered eyes and see confirmation of what they believe every time they do. So what really is the use of study, when all has already been revealed. Plus, doctrines don't change. The strictures of the faith were laid down hundreds of years ago, they have not changed, nor will they change. I liken it to a tree. The only time a tree does not change of it's own will, is when it is dead. I like to compare any organization to trees. Because if they are not growing, they are dead and rotting. Just like a doctrine. Like the rings of the dead tree, the rules of the doctrine are clearly defined. To go outside of those rules, is not allowed. So you must stay in one place, confined, unable to grow, or to move along the path that is already, oh so narrow.

Unlike doctrine, the path is something that stretches on to our deaths. It is something that we travel at God's direction, not our own. There are no limits on God, so there are no limits on our path. God will not lead us astray, he will not lead us into something that would be unpleasing to him. He will lead us where he needs us to be. Just like he led Jesus. Jesus was always criticized for the friends that he had and hung out with. If I were in a doctrinal organization, my deep friendships with homosexuals, drug users, adulterers, and the likes, would earn me scorn as well. I count that as blessing. To be so compared to the Christ. But being outside of those chains of the doctrinal rules, with an infinite horizon, with only God as my leader, is so incredibly freeing, that it can not be described in words. Only someone released from slavery or prison can truly begin to comprehend the feeling. The path is far harder than the decision to be doctrinal. God will put you through trials at each step of the path, and will not let you move on until you learn the lesson that he has to teach. That sucks, but, it is infinitely better than the chains of the other.

4 Things/#1 Human Clay

2007-12-15T16:12:00.000-05:00

I have been tagged for a meme on "Four Things Learned In No Man's Land." This meme struck me very hard. For all of the things that I have been through, what are the top four things that I would like to say that I have learned, and helped to define my faith. Well, the list of important things is rather longer than four, but I will keep it to four in honor of the spirit of the meme. Each one is so important to me, that I can't just give a snippet and move on, so I will do a post on each one. Starting with the one that was hardest for me, so made the greatest impact and so on.
So without further adieu. Human Clay.

How do I become the person God wants me to be? How do I live in a way pleasing to him?

These are the two questions that have split more churchs and caused more problems to believers than anything else in all of spirituality. There are many and varied responses from those that believe in our God. If you ask the Muslims, they will give you one answer of how we should live to be pleasing to the same God we believe in. The Jews will give you another, and the christians another. All the same God, belief in how to be pleasing to God is the big difference. This is the biggest stumbling block to being who God wants us to be. We WANT SO BADLY TO PLEASE HIM, that we try to DO things that please him. It is this DOING, that keeps us from becoming what he wants us to be.

We try to change ourselves into what we think he would like. We stop smoking, drinking, cussing, laughing at certain jokes, and try to behave in ways that we think he wants us to behave. So we build a prison of rules, that when we break those rules, we feel horribly guilty. Like failures, unworthy, and to feel better, we indulge ourselves in behaviors that are questionable to those rules further proving our inadequacies. It does not fill us with contentment and peace or happiness.

What is the answer, quit trying. We are not supposed to make ourselves into anything, God is supposed to do that. That is why he is the potter and we are to be the clay. The thing about clay, is it just lays there doing nothing until the potter comes to make it into something. What happens to often is when we get an idea of what God would like us to do, we go as hard and fast in that direction as we can. To make God happy of course. But clay isn't supposed to move on it's own. That would make it very hard for the potter to do things with it. So quitting trying is the big revelation. Become clay, quit trying to become, and allow yourself to be made. Let God do the work. Works of men are flawed. The only person that can make you into the vessel he wants, can utilize the talents given, and put you on the path you are supposed to follow, is God. If we try to do it we WILL fail. So give up all control or your life to God, and follow where the Holy Spirit leads.

The God Box

2007-12-09T22:40:00.001-05:00

The God Box is a box of our own making. We go to church, and read the bible, and then we get selective eyesight and hearing. We hear what we like about God, and create this box. It is the definition of what we want God to be. So we start out our new lives of faith, with this strong identity of God. Who he is, and what his motivations are. Well, astoundingly, they almost ALWAYS match exactly with what each person's view of the world is. So, with this new faith, and new God, they start off on a new life.

They start off by living how they think that they should. Part of that is almost always going to church and listening to that denominations version of God. If it does not match their own image close enough, they try different churchs until it matches close enough. Thus, solidifying their belief of God seen in a certain way. The problem comes, when they do too much of the right thing. For if they study and truly try to understand and comprehend the scriptures, the God they find there does not match that box they made early on.

Then I hear a statement like this, "I don't know if I can believe in a God like that?" Or, "why do bad things happen to me when I try to follow God the best that I can?" Or, "my God would never do that." This is what happens when the God of the Muslims, the Jews, and the Christians doesn't fit into the box that we created, and fell in love with long ago. It is then that we begin to doubt.

Since the God we find does not fit in to our box, we wonder what our faith is really based on. Do I really want to know an unchanging God that said adultery should be punished by stoning? What is God really like? Is he really triune? Are they all separate? How can it be the same God from the New Testament to the old? All these thoughts, doubts, and lots of other things creep in. Testing faith. Causing crisis of faith.

To me it comes down to one simple thing. Am I willing to do for God, what he did for me?

That is to love and accept God, just the way he is. Just as he loves and accepts us, just the way we are.

What do you think?

Satan As Master

2007-12-06T22:53:00.000-05:00

A very strange thought just occured to me. I haven't mentioned, Satan, the devil, lucifer, etc... on my own for a long time now. I don't even think about him. At all.

Just because of some of the reading I have done today about one person who would not touch, listen to, watch or be around anything secular becuase it was a way for Satan to enter your life. Another that mentioned that a particular thing allowed the Devil to gain a victory. Etc. etc. etc.

Then it hit me, some have made Satan their masters much more than God.

What you say? Yes, our actions in this regard are more often geared towards avoiding satan than they are of living for God. If we are doing something, or not soing something for fear of satan, then satan is dictating our actions, and he is then our master.

What say you?

You Gotta Read This

2007-12-05T00:32:00.000-05:00

I am not a big book pusher. You know the guy, he walks up, opens his coat and says, "I got what you need right here."

This time it is different. I have found a couple of guys who have written about this Emerging thing, and what it is. The book is called So You Don't Want To Go To Church Anymore. They do a great job of explaining it, plus it is an easy read. Only 178 pages, with large print and large spacing. You can either buy it at Amazon if you like actual books, or you can download it for free here.

Fluidity and Pride

2007-11-28T22:38:00.001-05:00

This is something that I have thought about a lot lately. Many things in life are fluid. Most notably to me, my bank account. It seems no matter how much I pour in, it all just keeps flowing back out again, in a state of constant flux and ever changing.

Our faith is like that. Many do not realize that, and that causes a lot of problems. Think back to the time you first embarked on the journey of faith. Do you believe the exact same thing now as you did then? Or, have you learned a lot and changed your views on some things? When were you right? Or, better yet, when were you wrong? So, whether you were right or were wrong about things in your beliefs, were you ever in danger of losing your salvation in the search of those truths?

That is the crux of it there. Many do not see it that way. In their pride, in showing how much they have achieved for God, trying to show how much they know, try putting their beliefs onto others. Then if those others do not take their beliefs, they condemn them. Saying that they are in danger of going to hell if they do not believe what they believe. Crap, all of that is crap.

You were never in danger of losing your salvation. You were doing what God asks us to do. Seek him with all of our strength, soul, mind, and heart. You have to be able to grow. No living tree is ever the same year to year. Only dead trees remain the same. Oh wait, they rot away. Same as those who stay the same in Christ, they are dead and rotting away. No one LIVING in Christ is the same year to year. Not if we hide his word in our hearts. It will change us whether we will it or not. So, to this end, we are all right, or all wrong, every one of us. Because none of us believe exactly the same no matter what. Are we all but one of us going to be kept out of the kingdom. Or is God smart enough to make a system that allows any of those that seek him to enter? Rhetorical question, but necessary that it be ask.

McDonald's Christianity

2007-11-05T17:14:00.000-05:00

I came up with the name because when looking at a lot of denominations, they are moving to the packaged, quick stop, we will give you all of your spiritual needs all in a two hour window Sunday Morning. Like the Baptist Burner Combo, starts off strong with a little power pointed praise singing appetizer, moves into the main course with the hellfire sermon, and for dessert, the close your eyes alter call. Or the Catholic Cathartic Combo, Starting with a little blood pumping up down up down, hoping the extra oxygen will keep you awake through the desert dry sermon, then the finale', the passing of the plate, forgot your cash, no problem, we take credit cards. (no lie, they take credit cards.)

Each type of service meticulously preplanned, or engineered not to just get people to come back. But to attract future people to attend. I like the word attract. Like an amusement park has roller coasters as attractions. Churches have award winning praise teams. Everything designed to make people feel as if all of their spiritual needs are being met. If they are not, we can teach you about your finances, your marriage, other faiths, softball, basketball, and many other distractions to keep you interested in coming to us. All of this is wonderful, is it not. So American. Catering to just the right demographic.

But Jesus said "GO", not get them to come to you. Also it is a personal faith, and an individual quest, not a package.

To My Wife

2007-10-10T11:13:00.001-05:00

For My Baby

For fifteen years, we have been married. We have been through great times and hard times. But through all of it, there was one thing that kept me going, it was you.

I cannot tell you through words how much you mean to me, I try to express it through actions, even those fail me sometimes. The depths of my love are so deep I do not even know where they stop. I remember when I first knew you had trapped me. There was no way to get away. There was no anger or frustration, just happiness. Then upon coming back home, it took me weeks to get up the nerve, and then finally, lamely, asked you to marry me. From that day on, my life has become as rich as any person’s can be.

The spirit that you have for love amazes me. It is what I love best in you. The way you struggled through the pregnancy and birth of our daughter. The way you deal every day with dialysis, and still make sure we are all cared for. The way you have dealt with all of the sickness and trouble you have had, with such grace. So much grace that you inspire those around you that hear the story. You are so intelligent, kind, giving, caring, loving, and wonderful to all of those around you that you love. You love many. You take care of many. Your thoughtfulness amazes people. Such as the lady that does your appointments at Dr. Knowlton’s office. She was flabbergasted that you remembered that she loved Smokey Bones Broccoli. Even MORE flabbergasted that you bought it for her. That is the loving, sharing, caring, wonderful person that I love. Everything for everyone else.

There are a few regrets about our life together, and they are all mine. I feel sometimes that I fail you by being unable to deal with situations at work that really I should just gut through. That my decisions have brought us to bankruptcy. That my decisions have erased our retirement savings. That my decisions have left us a ton of debt. That my decisions have not allowed us to be the best family we could be. My decisions have put us in a situation that your Fifteenth Anniversary wish could not be granted. For that, I am truly sorry. For you have talked of it for years. But I have tried my best. We still have a great home. (Made that way by a wonderful mother and wife.) Really, we have two great kids. We are still together and ridiculously happy with one another. In short, other than your health issues, I don’t know that I would change a thing. The hardships have made us value one another more so than any other couple I know. Have made us love one another more than any other couple that I know. So I have been blessed.

I know this letter is not what you deserve, you deserve so much. You have earned it through pain and effort. For all that you do, you are the person that I admire most in the world, Love best, and am wonderfully proud of. Thank you for tolerating this unworthy man. I only try to live every day to be worthy of your love.

Your devoted loving husband,

Comfortable In My Heterosexuality

2007-09-26T11:53:00.000-05:00

One of the things research has proven over time, is "Thou dost protest too much." According to researchers, those that are the loudest dissenters of homosexuality, are those that have the strongest homosexual tendencies. Because they are fighting so hard against falling prey to it in their own lives, they believe that everyone must be like them and need encouragement to stay out of that lifestyle. Something to think about the next time you here scathing remarks against homosexuality coming from the pulpit.

This got me to thinking about the acceptance in our churches. The reason Gay people like me and get along with me so well, is I am so comfortable with my own heterosexuality, that their choice of sexual orientation does not bother me in the least. I treat them just like everyone else, period. I actually had a good gay friend of mine the other day say, "if you were gay, I would be all over you." I just laughed and gave him a hug. Why can he say this to me, and I react like that. Because we both know, I am not gay, and he will never have a chance with me, but we are still good friends.

That got me to thinking about why churches often times rail against certain things. Because that is what they are most susceptible to.For me, I used to be on an Eight Ball pool league. We would play in a different bar every Monday. The biker bar, I must say, was by far the funnest. They have the best dirty jokes in the world. They were our favorite team to play, and we were their favorite team to play. Why, because we just treated them like everyone else. In those situations, I could go in, and come out with my faith intact at all times. Why, because I am comfortable in my Faith. I know I am saved, there is no chance that I am not. So I can go where others would not go, for fear of falling. Because I am comfortable with my faith.

Every Day God

2007-09-25T22:09:00.000-05:00

One of the ways that my beliefs differ from others, is that for me, the bible is not the beginning and the end of my instruction from God. I like to call him my every day God. Because he does not just talk to me on Sunday. His speaking to me does not come from 2000 years ago, but daily. His compulsions that guide my life come all the time. To me he is not the dead God who wrote the bible, and awakens on Sunday. He is with me everyday, every hour, every minute. Seeing everything that I do. I am naked before him in all ways. And I know it.

He is not a distant God. He is not a vengeful God. He is a God that guides me through life, by putting me in situations that I hate, so that I learn what I need to learn to get better. Yes, I so believe there are better methods than just throwing me in the pool, saying, "If he wants to live, he will learn to swim." OK, that is not what happens, but sometimes it feels like it. But in all things he loves me. I know it, because I have seen the miracles that he has performed in my life. I am lucky, I have PROOF he exists. Bank records even. So to me he isn't believing in things unseen. I have seen his handiwork, so it makes it easier for me to wholeheartedly believe, without even the smallest shred of doubt about his existence.

Also he is my best friend and confidant. I talk to him everyday, many times a day. Many people ask me why I am always in such a good mood at work. I had to think about it, a lot. Then finally decided, because God has made me secure in my future. That has set me free now. No more worries mate.

Why Don't We Act Like It

2007-09-19T21:39:00.000-05:00

Something happened that really distubed me today. A fundamentalist site that blasted all kinds of people from all parts of christianity went down recently, and will not be restarted. Recently, I put in a post at What Would Jesus Do, about how I believe we should act towards others. When going through the comments of the farewell of the person whose site went down. Some amazing things hit me. One of the comments was, "the nasty and vicious comments made to me from people who follow God." (paraphrased) The people that she was blasting would be grouped into the emerging church umbrella. That would be me. We like to talk of the fact that we were abused out of the church. The rediculous treatment received at the church, and the first chance we get, we do the same things that we were siting as reasons for not going to those churches again. We say that we did not receive the love that Jesus speaks of in the Gospels, yet, do we show it? Do we live it? It made me sad.

The next was reading the comments. They were joyous at the demise of another. Still balsting away. Again, what would Jesus do?

Then the most disturbing of all, was the farewell letter in its entirety. This person had a GREAT passion for God. They were driven by that passion to action. However much I disagreed with the sentements of the site, I should have recognized the love of God this person had. How could I have been blind to that. Seething in my own righteous indignation over the attack I saw on my people, blinded me to the passion that the other has for God. Then convicted by my own words from the post It's My Path. How could I have judged that person as I did?

I did not look for the good. I saw my own hurt from the words. I saw haw angry it made me. I, I, I, I.....

Selfishly I looked at the situation, and put it in my box, labeled it how I wanted to, and put the box away.

I have to say, that God has convicted me horribly today. I talk about how I should not be judged, and people should respect me and my beliefs. Why do I not give the same courtesy?

Learned From Lesbians!!!

2007-09-15T17:05:00.000-05:00

I had an astonishing revelation today. An amazing breakthrough. I figured out where I learned how to be open, caring, loving, supportive, and treat people as a true follower of God should. I learned it from Lesbians.

OK, maybe a little background is in order. I grew up in church. Became that little judgemental asshole that most people in church become. Then, when a senior in high school, I got a crush on a girl. She was a partier, and I was not. Being almost desperate to see her, I knew she was going to a party, and where it was. Many were very surprised to see me there, but after a while, and a couple of drinks, no one cared any more. I had more fun than at any time in my life up to that point. She, never showed, but I had a gotten new mistress, partying.

When I started partying, it was for the sake of partying. I would hang out with the "cool" kids until their curfew at 11PM or so, then hang out with the losers until their curfew of 2AM or so, then hang out with the people from work until 5AM or so. After high school, people and parties everywhere. When I hit 21, I went to any bar anywhere, I did not care. Bikers are the best people to party with in my opinion, they go after life with abandon, and know a lot of jokes.

Also I went to work. Those were my two main things. When my daughter was born the partying kind of died down, and the responsibility took over. With Domino's Pizza, I worked in the inner city a lot. Met people from tons of different backgrounds, and called many unique people friends. These people included lesbians, gays, bikers, druggies, drunks, perverts, Muslims, gang members, homeless people, thieves, poor, black, white, Asian, Indian, native American, prostitutes, transvestites, cross dressers, OK you get the picture. You meet a LOT of interesting people working in the inner city of a major metropolitan city.

From all of this exposure to people though, I learned how to treat people. I learned how to judge by the content of their character, not the package on the outside. From them, that had so little, I learned the true meaning of charity, when they were willing to help with the very little that they had. I found a nobility of spirit in the strangest places. This has defined the way people should be treated for me. It is the most Christ like way of all. With open arms and love.

Strange that the best teachers of such a philosophy were not found in a church.

What WOULD Jesus Do?

2007-09-04T21:06:00.000-05:00

Earlier this year, my CLB (church left behind) sent out a advertisement to all of the members for a Sermon that the pastor was giving on homosexuality. When I received it, I thought, "It will be just another scathing attack on those poor people", and ignored it. But since I am still on the mailing list, and they have a monthly news letter, I got it anyway. They printed it in the newsletter. What it said, almost floored me. It said that they are the way they are, and we do not have to like the behavior, but we should love the person. That has prompted me to think about talking with the pastor again. He really is totally committed to God, and what God wants. To the point of going against the popular tenants of his denomination. Then I thought, what would I need to be persuaded to go back. Then I thought of a question.

Pastor, if a woman came to you, and told you that she cheated on her husband, what would you do?

Why choose this question, because we have a perfect example of how this should be dealt with. Jesus gave it to us. This is the abridged version of course. The pharisees brought a woman to Jesus caught in the act of adultery. They said by the law of Moses, she should be stoned, and ask Jesus to pass judgement on her. He knelt down to write in the dirt. Then stood and ask, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Then being convicted of their own consciences, left one by one. Then he stood, and "saw none but the woman" and ask,"Woman, where are your accusers?Hath no man condemned thee?" She said "No man, Lord." Jesus said, "Neither do I condemn thee; go and sin no more." Would your church, and pastor be that way. Would you be that way. Could we really accept a prodigal son home. One that went on his own into sex, drugs, and rock and roll, only to come home when he ran out of money. Would we with our "christian" reputation go where the sinners are. Would we be able to stand up to the establishment that has changed our faith in God, into our "God" being the faith they stand for. Would we do what our father asks, no matter the consequence to us.

The example of Jesus has left many with the question, "If Jesus is the example that we aspire to, why don't I see it ANYWHERE? Why don't I see it where it is supposed to be?" That is the troubling thing of our time. If we don't see it, how do we get it. Through the bible. Watch what Jesus DID, not what our faith is based on. Let me take you through the example above.

When the pharisees brought the woman to Jesus, he understood a few things. One, the woman obviously knew that what she did was wrong. So he did not need to tell that it was wrong, that would have been redundant. He knew that the men bringing her to him were not pure, that did not need to be said either. What he did know, was that he was not her judge yet. John 8:15, after the incident, Jesus said, "Ye judge after the flesh, I judge no man." Since he was not the judge, he sent her away without judgement. "Go, and sin no more." Did she really need the "adultery is bad lecture. The "you should be punished lecture." He just gave her the opportunity to do better, and went on his way. He knew she did not need it, and that the people who were not clean, should not judge. He taught them both something.

How many times in life do we act as the pharisees. I do it with my children all of the time. They are hiding something from me that they knew what they did was wrong. When I find out about it, I give them a lecture about how wrong it is. Then continue to bring it up for the next few hours or days. I am going to go back, and read the gospels with a new eye. Watching what Jesus did and why. Then I think I can understand him better. Then I think I will begin to know what he expects of me.

It's My Path

2007-08-29T08:42:00.000-05:00

When we first come to understand God's love, and the salvation contained in it, we are like babies in the knowledge that we have. So with a burning desire, we jump in with both feet and try to learn what we can by reading the bible and going to church. Why do we go to church? Because that is what is expected of us christians right? We go to church and start learning what they teach us. But we find that what we read in the bible, and what we are taught, are often two different things. Being human, we want nice, straight, easy definable answers, bullet pointed in chronological order. When we don't find that, we begin to despair, "What is wrong with me, I don't get it." So we try harder, find more inconsistencies, really feel as if we will never understand. The other people in my church are into what the pastor is saying, they get it, maybe I should be more like them. So we jump into teaching Sunday school, go along with the outreach program, sing in the choir, attend Wednesday night gatherings, and sometimes home bible studies. On the outside, we are seen as a rising young christian star, someone who has come in and jumped right into the ministry, pushing God's message to the world. On the inside, we are still going, "Why don't I feel right about this?"

That was me, almost 25 years ago. Oh man, am I really that old. Anyway, I ended up walking away from church, not from God, but church, for 12 years. I went sporadically until 2002. Then I started going regularly. I am not a very good church member. My wife wanted to join the church. I said, this is a direct quote, "Why? What are the benefits, do we get a secret decoder ring or something?" Always the cynic. Then after going for 2 years, I was just done. There was nothing there for me anymore. I had learned all that I could from them, and still wanted, no, NEEDED more, SOMETHING ELSE. When I left, I knew that I had to continue my education. I had read the bible a couple of times, and did not feel lead to go that way again. So I dipped into my birthright, or inheritance from my Grandfather, Fred Kenison. God had lead him to study the bible for 50+ years now, and to write a number of those studies up. They are slowly being turned into books, as the editor has time to edit them. these studies are unique, why? Because they do not prove anything. They do not come to a doctrinal conclusion. They do not prove the rightness of chatholicism, calvinism, lutheranism, etc... etc... They just translate the bible, back into it's essence, and tells what it says. It more disproves things than proves them. This is where I started my REAL biblical education.

Do I agree with everything my grandfather says, no. Will you, you should not. With all of the learning I have done, and during all of that learning, I have come to discover something, that at the time was perplexing, but now, is truly amazing in it's scope and breadth. This is what I have found. That each of us goes through our journey on the path with God, in God's own time. We do not control it. How did I find this out? By seeing people with troubles, knowing the answer that they needed. Shared the answer with them, and they refused it. They were good people, really trying their best to follow God, had the answer right there laid bare in front of them, and they COULD NOT see it. It reminds me of the disciples that saw many works and wonders at Jesus feet, and yet their hearts were hardened so that they would not accept it. (Mark somewhere) How could they not? They themselves cast out demons. They themselves healed the sick, and yet they did not believe. Not truly. How can that be? God made it so. God knew that the timing of the revelation, was as important as the revelation itself. The disciples were to have their revelation on the day of Pentecost, and not before. This is my theory. But to have the revelation before, and have thirteen people preaching the word of God, would have taken away from Jesus and his work. He would no longer have been the only focal point of the revolution taking place. He might not have been killed in the way he was. It would have screwed everything up. So, he had the disciples store up all of the wonders and things they had seen, to be used at the right time to make God' Kingdom grow to the fullest extent. God's plan worked. The movement started that day, has survived 2,000 years, and is growing. What has this to do with us today?

Simple. It means that we cannot judge another by what they do and do not see within the bible. We are each in our separate place along the straight and narrow path. God knows where we are, and will not allow us to take the next step until it is time. Often times, we sit at crossroads, looking at the other possibilities of life. When we have gone through what we need to go through, God allows the revelation to come, along with his blessings. This is repeated again and again. Trials and tribulations, blessings and understanding. It also means that no one doctrine, or set of beliefs is right, ever. Because God will not allow it. No one will reach the enlightenment of the next level without proper preparation. So which religion is right, none of them. Not even mine. Because their is so much more to learn, and I will not be allowed to learn it, until God deems, the time is right.

Don't have to be perfect

2007-08-13T00:14:00.000-05:00

My grandfather has been studying the bible for forty plus years. It is his passion. I do not agree with him on everything, but he is the one that has 5, 6, I don't know how many books out. But one hit paydirt with someone.

His name was not revealed to me, but he got in contact with my Gdad cause he wanted to thank him for his book "The Truth Revealed In Romans." It saved his life, not spiritually, but literally. He had decided to commit suicide, but for some reason, this book caught his eye on Amazon. He bought it, read it, and realized, "Hey, God loves me just the way I am." And God does. (No he did not commit suicide, otherwise he could never have called my Gdad.)

The reason I know this, is God sees us in our most embarrassing situations. My favorite is thinking of him watching when I run out of toilet paper in the kids bathroom. No one home to help, and me walking half naked, through the house, with a poopy butt, in search of paper. I have to look like a real genius about that time. But he loves me in spite of all of the dumb things I do.

Also, he likes people that don't lie to him. Like the liars that think God only watches them when they go to church. That all of the less attractive things they do, don't get noticed by God because it wasn't Sunday, or they weren't in church. My favorite saying from them is, "God deserves your best." Referring to the way they dress and act at church. My response is, "But doesn't he deserve your best always, just not on Sunday?" Then I get that queer look, and they conveniently find someone else to talk to. So be yourself, be honest with God and yourself. Do not worry at what others think. They are not the Judge, Jesus is.

The biggest thing to understand is. God does not only love you, but he likes you. As you are. Don't try to be anything that you don't want to be. Don't be ashamed of the things you like. Have a couple of drinks now and then, I do. Go and see a concert of head banging metal guys, I do. One ticket, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, and Metalicca. Great show. Don't worry, I did no fornication, did not become possessed by demons, and my head never spun around once. And God still blessed me afterword. Just be who you are and have fun with it. My brother likes to think that the Kingdom of God will be one big party. Well then, bring yourself, and God will let you in.

The Greatest Love Of All

2007-08-09T16:10:00.000-05:00

"So here's the thing I can't get past...Jesus gave his life for us. I mean, if we accept that reconciliation with God is impossible without the work of Jesus - doesn't that give us more than enough reason to worship Him?" This quote came from a friend of mine in another discussion, and I am so glad it did. Because it is pervasive of the thinking out there about how Jesus love was so great, and huge and wonderful. I believe fully in that love, and am not diminishing that love one bit. But, I think there is am even greater love than Jesus love. (This is where the trinity thing really comes into play with me.)

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoeverbelieveth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16. Oh how we know this verse. How many times have you read it, or said it, or heard it. But I got a perspective on it that I could not have gotten, until I became a parent.

If God came to me, and ask me to do what Jesus did, in the same way, with the same results, I could without a doubt. That is not blowing my own horn. I just know myself, and if that situation arose, no problem. I saw Passion of the Christ, I saw what he went through, I know the pain that would be suffered. Not just here on earth, but in the hands of the devil as well. I would do it.

But, if God came to me, and told me to give up my son for that. I really do not know that I could.

He is a wonder of my life. He came to us from a mother who smoked crack on the way to the hospital to ease the pain of labor. Who already had one crack baby at home. I praise God everyday that we could take him in our home, and give him a place where he is told at least twice a day that he is loved. He is such a happy kid, smiling, laughing, playing, and just all arond fun. Loving, tender, and kind. Picking flowers out of the neighbor's flower bed, to give to his mother, to show how much he loves her. I couldn't be the cause of that much pain for him, I just couldn't do it.

But another father did. Another father sent his son through that. Not so that we would be saved. But so that we could be saved. He did it, knowing we had free will, and it all could be for nothing. No one may have chosen the way of salvation. He would have done that to his son for nothing. He loved us so much, that he did that to his SON, so we would just have a chance, just a chance, at salvation. I sit here crying, trying to imagine God's pain, as he watched his son become so repugnent with the world's sin, that even with his love, he couldn't look at him anymore, and left his son to die on the cross alone.

I could not do that to my son. Yet, "God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, so that whosoever believeth in him, should not perish, but have everlasting life."

No Trinity Either?

2007-08-04T01:13:00.001-05:00

My goodness, what is wrong with me. I don't believe in the trinity either. Now I truly am a heretic.

Recently we have been talking about labels that we could use to describe ourselves. I am the only person that I am aware of that says I follow God. All others are Christ followers. (Though what they will do when the Christ is gone after the thousand year reign I don't know) Ooops, there it goes again. I will explain later. Some say they are Jesus followers. Why would they follow the son of God, who on his own has absolutely no power at all. OOOPS, there I go again.

Then it hit me. Not believing in the trinity, makes me think absolutely differently from a large group of believers. Fundamentally think different. My perception and paradigms are completely different. This comes across in the words we choose to use. Such as, I call him Christ Jesus, or Jesus the Christ. Because Christ is an office, not his last name. That is why when I call myself a servant of God, no one wants to follow me in that because they think that following Jesus is following God. So in essence, the part that is important to God, we are both following the same thing. But refuse, because of our passion for this, to be called the other.

Did you know, that the trinity was never mentioned in the bible? I don't know anywhere that the bible equates the Holy Spirit as being the same as God. I know that the number of times that the bible clearly states Jesus and God as two separate entities way out numbers the times that they mention them being in common. Were you aware that someone in the catholic church in 360 AD came up with the idea? "In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God, and the word was God." John 1.1 is the verse thrown out the most to show that this is true. But if correctly translated to be understood by modern english from the greek manuscripts, it would read, "In the beginning was the word, and the Word was facing God, and the Word was Godlike." In the Greek, and specifier is placed in front of the proper person to signify it is THAT person. So for Jesus in that verse to actually be God, the phrase would have to be "and the Word was THE God." The specifier is not there. So it is just a descriptor, not a noun. (anyone that would like to argue with my grandpas 45+ years of greek, let me know. He would love to debate it with you.)

But this also just makes me realize that "no human can know God." He is incomprehensible to us. So trying to define him is useless. So I gave up on it. I will just love God no matter what he is. Even accept those who do try to define him. It will not let it separate myself from others.

Can't Be Christian

2007-08-02T13:29:00.000-05:00

I was thinking of some posts on being a "Christian" and not liking the name because of the preconceived notions that people have of that. Then I started to think about the name itself, and it's origins. "Little Christ" is what it means, and it started not long after Jesus death and ressurection. But I do not think it was a term of endearment. Christ is the name of an office. Just like king, amir, czar, or emporer. So being a little christ, is like being a little king. I am no king or person of authority, and I do not want to be. So I can't be a christian.

This make me happy. I felt a sort of betrayal by refusing to be called a christian. But when I look at it in this light. It makes complete sense to me.

Jesus the Christ, or Christ Jesus. Just like Queen Elizabeth, or Elizabeth the Queen.

Progress. Bad. Huh?

2007-07-26T16:59:00.000-05:00

God has me think often about progress. Remember when you couldn't: record a TV show, microwave a meal, listen to a CD, get satellite TV, drive a car with more than 150 HP, word process, talk on a cell phone, get money from an ATM, pay for gas at the pump. All of these have come in the last twenty-five years. AMAZING progress. Why so amazing? Because for thousands of years, ending around the turn of the century in the US, the yeast pot was a fixture in every household. "The yeast pot you say?" Yes the yeast pot I say. Every kitchen had one, or your bread did not rise. You could make no wine, or beer, or hard spirits. It was a pot that the cooks kept in their kitchens that had a live yeast culture in it. Yeast is a single celled living organism. So you had to keep feeding the little buggers, or they would die. If you were a farmer, you could go without good bread for a couple of weeks before you made it to a neighbors to borrow some of their yeast. Now we have 280 different kinds of identified yeast. Sold in little dry packets, not kept in a culture that smelled like the men's room corner in a bar.

From something so simple as making bread that was a complex and difficult thing to do, we have simplified it to something a machine can do if we just give it the right ingredients. How is progress made, by building on the knowledge and foundations of others. All of this progress is considered good for humanity by giving more time for people to do other things, like study the bible on their own, instead of allowing the clergy to do it for them, and telling them what to think about it. This is the crux of the problem for many of us that have chosen to leave organized religions. In our desire to learn more of God, we search the scriptures, and read books that offer many thoughts about God and religion, that have scriptural basis. Because of our own studies and books in the christian bookstores we find a wide range of thoughts and beliefs that differ from the teachings of our chosen churches. The knowledge contained in the bible and books sometimes lead us to differing points of belief than our pastors or reverends or priests. We are basically building on the knowledge of the past, to increase our understanding in the present. We are making progress because the knowledge of the past is finally available to all.

Finally available? What do you mean? Well, how many christian bookstores were around twenty-five years ago. Very few. How many now? More, though certainly not as many as secular bookstores. But even those secular bookstores carry books on religion. Our ability to learn has exponentially increased very recently in historical terms. This is causing a crisis of faith to many. As God speaks to people in their studies, they find verses that completely contradict what they have always been taught, the conviction of the truth of the thought, stays with them irrefutably. To keep things like this from happening, some faiths have forbidden reading to their congregations except for specifically authorized books. That is ridiculous you say, well the catholics started that practice long ago. Keep people stupid, and they will believe what is told from the pulpit.

The crisis of faith mentioned above, is then taken to the leader of the church, and talked about. The person you talk to shows you the same old tired drivel that you have seen many times before and is no help in solving the crisis. Why? Because of doctrine. Doctrines are basically a way of thinking about The God, but area accepted as complete, and in no need of revision. Since there is no need of revision, your spiritual leader, no longer studies or hides the word of God in their heart, and no longer matures in the faith. Because they learned all they needed to learn in seminary. More on this in "To Be A Servant" December 28, 2006. So if you truly desire God, and daily hide the word in your heart, you quickly, within 2 to 3 years, become more knowledgeable about the bible than you spiritual leader. Then he can no longer answer any of your questions, and becomes useless to you. That is when the decision to leave church for many is reached, because they receive no hope there. Not only that, but the pastor/reverend/priest (PRP) our of concern for you spiritual well being, talks to others in the church to try and help,"Guide you back to the path." This normally means pressure being put on you to take those irrefutable truths you have been guided to by God, and rejecting them. Knowing that if you do, you are rejecting God. Your love for God being much stronger than your love of the people that are pressuring and cajoling you, you leave. Becoming a servant of God, rather than someone of a christian faith.

The progress you have made as a follower of God, has or will make you an outcast of your church. Making progress bad in the eyes of the established doctrinal organizations. But does not God want you to grow? Does he not want you to move on to meat, rather than remain suckling at the breast? Of course he wants you to grow. But the growth process for a servant of God is not much different than it is for a small child. It goes in spurts. At the appropriate time, a child will have a growth spurt. Also for us servants, God will reveal truths to us at the appropriate time. Leaving many of us at different levels of growth, and differing paths, even though we study together. More on this at an old post "On Our Own" January 5th, 2007. So through our progress, we out grow our chosen places of faith, by being a servant, and obeying God by hiding the word in our hearts. Progressing in the faith is a good thing, but seen as bad by organized religion, because in their rigidity, they lose followers.

So what do you do now that you have no spiritual home. Create one. Learning lessons from the early church, "Where two or more are gathered together in my name, there I will be also." We have the ability to be together over huge distances. Cyberly this is possible. This is the charge God has laid on my heart, To gather together unto him, those who are his true servants, and have outgrown their earthly place of worship. To try to get them to connect and build a community on line so that they will have companionship, worship, fellowship, understanding and acceptance. That they can discuss the questions that they have without fear of reprisals from the other members of the sect. I have set up a blog called Just Wondering @justwonderingfaith.blogspot.com. Here you can comment on questions, get a question posted, or just read responses and form your own opinions. But where ever you are. Try to connect to one other person however you can, to strart. Then go on from there. Continue to progress in your faith, becasue it is a good thing.

Nail In My Hand

2007-07-06T00:02:00.000-05:00

NAIL IN MY HAND
FROM MY CREATOR
YOU GAVE ME LIFE
NOW SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE

-Chris Cornell, Audioslave

God has laid this thing on me for weeks, yet he chooses now to lay the inspiration on me. Two sheets to the wind, because obviously, three would be one too many. But on my way home from having a couple of drinks from my brother's home, God hits me with the Audioslave in the CD player. He says to me, "This is what the people want." This chorus of the song I am listening to. "This is why the law is so attractive. This is the seduction that subverts everything else. The attraction that is so undeniable, as to almost be an addiction. Wait, not almost, but actually an addiction, that when broken, causes great distress and anxiety to the reformed addict." It is the crux of human nature, "Show me how to live" could be the anthem for almost any self help book that wanted to be a success. That is what humanity cries out for!! "SHOW ME HOW TO LIVE!!!

That is the pivotal issue in the Law vs Grace Debate. The humanity cries forth. "Show me how to LIVE!!!" There is no shortage of people telling you how to live your life. Don't Smoke, don't drink, don't eat red meat, exercise regularly, get plenty of fiber, drink milk, don't drink milk, pay your taxes, only a fool would pay taxes, get all you can while on earth because you can't take it with you, only a fool thinks that material possessions make them happy, etc...etc...etc... For every school of thought on the planet, there is a school of thought against it. Learning to read and understand the bible has taught me that I can prove any theology that I want to prove if I pick the right verses. Using my bible snippets to my advantage, I can show anything in any light that I want. I can prove the Jehovah's Witness point of view, the Baptist point of view, the Vatican point of view, the etc... etc... etc... Too many arguments, too much crap.

This is where the issue comes to for me in Grace vs. Law, or Works vs. Faith. The established and accepted religious doctrines of our time, are Law and Works based. If you do this, you will be saved, and then once you are saved, you must act like this. EASY. Grace, says, that Jesus has already forgiven you, so sin no longer separates you from God. All you have to do is five things. They are Repent, Confess, Believe that Jesus made the Gift Of Grace Possible, Faith In God, and Obedience. Easy, right. No. That is harder than anything that law could possibly have. Why, because something is "Telling You How To Live" in the law based Faith. But in Grace based faith. The law is not there. It does not exist. The ten commandments, GONE. NO MORE. So how do you live with a Grace based faith? Well let's understand them each a ittle better before we get into that.

The similarities of the two are so close that, many do not really see the distinction. Because both teach that you must have those five things for salvation. Faith in "The God" is a given if you want his Grace. Belief that Jesus made Grace possible and available. Without this belief, you cannot believe in The God's Grace. Repent and Confess, are two that I believe cannot be separated. They are like peanut butter and jelly. Different, but go so well together. Repent, means to change one's mind, or have a paradigm shift. A paradigm is the way you see the world around you and perceive it. We are to change how we look at the world, and see it through The God's eyes. Confess means to agree with. Now that we see things through The God's eyes, we then must agree that what he wants, is what we will do. So to confess a sin is to agree with The God, that yes, what I am doing I believe to be a sin in your eyes, and that it is bad. The you must repent again, changing your mind that you will not do that again. This obviously will go on again and again. Last is obey, the stepchild of Repent and Confess. So as we change our minds, and agree with The God, then we must do as he asks. That is the crux of the difference between Grace and the Law. Obedience to The God.

Grace based faith does not believe that a physical act, or prayer, especially the sinner's prayer, has to be done to have salvation achieved, or maintained. My daughter has said the sinners prayer, she is no more a servant of God right now than a rock. Actually, the rock I am sure is a much better servant of God than she. For will they not cry out to the Savior when he returns? I digress, my point being, the intent of the heart was not there. Even though she went through the act, she did not go through the transformation of the heart where these changes must be made. So, in the law based faith, my daughter is SAVED and is going to HEAVEN. In Grace based faith, she is not saved, and may be going to the lake of fire. The crux of the difference being in the act, not the intent. To illustrate my point completely. A man confesses of a heinous crime. So the act of the confession is enough to make it a capital offense and a death sentence can be claimed. By the law, that man would be put to death. But if the man was tortured till he would confess anything, then the true intent was not confession of guilt, but the alleviation of pain, so the confession is invalid. It is not the act, but the intent that is being measured. Why you ask?

Real simple. God created a works based faith. The law and sacrifice system. This system said that if you did something wrong, then you had to sacrifice something truly valuable to God to have the sin forgiven so that you could go to heaven. Problem is, there was a loophole. No requirement of obedience, just absolution for sin. So the people knew that for the sacrifice to be accepted, it had to be of their best. So once a year, they would bring their best to the Temple to be placed upon the alter for forgiveness of their sins in the past year. Then they would go and sin as much as they wanted, knowing a reprieve was just a year away. The sinning at the time consisted of worshipping other Gods. Not cool. A broken commandment, but forgivable with the sacrifice. So the sacrifice system did not work. Now, the definitive "Show me how to live" was made by God, Given to Moses, and then given to the people. After a while, the law became greater than God. Because keeping the laws in service to God was no longer the important thing. The important thing became the laws themselves. They became the God of the people. People followed the laws, not because they wanted to, but because they had to, to keep from being stoned. So they did what they were told, but the intent behind it was resentment and fear of what would happen if anyone in the Temple found out. Sound familiar to anyone going to a church. That is why the intent is important. Acquiescence is not what God is after. It is complete and utter devotion. Freely given to him. Laws cause resentment and create intimidation, thus destroying the true intent of the believer. Contorting the actions from good works, to things of hatred and resentment.

Hatred and resentment you say. Oh yeah. One more time singing Christmas carols in the nasty stinking old folks home by my house, would have made me puke. Put me off of ever wanting to ever have any charitable feeling for the elderly ever again. A lot of good that did. I not only hated it, but resented the people that made me do it. This is where a lot of the people today turn away from the church. Away from God. Because the law based faith people, demand that you do things to be part of the church. And as they force you to do these things that you do not feel lead of God to do. You will become angrier and angrier until you finally take action. Most times it is just saying "To hell with God, if he is this much trouble I want nothing to do with him." That is truly sad, because many cannot separate the church from God. If they understand that the humans in the church are the problem not God, then they stay with God, but have not spiritual place to go to any more.

Now what is the law that they say you have to follow. Is it the one that says you should stone, adulterers, homosexuals, rapists and all kinds of other sinners. The one that has you following the sacrifice system. The one that has you going out to the mission field to convert and make disciples of all men. The problem with the law based faith, no one can agree on what the laws are, and if we do not know what they are, how can we follow them? "Well", they say, "follow the spirit of the laws." Well, the phrase "The Letter Of The Law" is there for a reason. And if we follow the spirit of the law, then we open ourselves up to the interpretations of the laws. That is why we now have so many different denominations. And why that moron who calls himself Pope just told the rest of the world that Catholicism is the only true religion, and that all others are false. Truly remarkable. The only faith that is a half a step away from paganism saying the rest are crap. Those spiritual lawyers are a bunch of quacks. So if the law isn't the ticket. How am I supposed to live?

By faith, is the answer. Faith is a really hard thing. Trust is a synonym of Faith. I trust you, and I have faith in you, are almost exactly the same thing. The people that we have to trust in a Grace based faith, is God and Ourselves. That is what makes Grace so tough. God has proven his faithfulness to man again, and again, and again. So trusting him is easier, than trusting the person that has let you down again and again and again by doing really stupid things. Yourself.
Why, because living without laws, but by the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we have to trust ourselves to get his guidance right. That is what makes Grace so hard. Living by faith, and faith alone. Without any tangible proof that we are bonded to The God through the Holy Spirit and the Sacrifice of our Lord Jesus the Christ. Except, the things that he brings to bear in our own lives. We want to believe in the works based faith, then we can say I did this, or I did that, so I deserve to go to Heaven. I did what I was supposed to do. That is so easy to hang your hat on. It is solid and real. But real faith is belief in things unseen.

The really wonderful part is though. If you live your life, in a true desire to please God. If you consider all of the things that you do through the Repented paradigm. You will not screw up, and do things wrong. That is how you can trust yourself, knowing that if you are truly acting with a servants heart, and trying to do what you can for God through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, The God will judge the intent behind the actions, and see it for the worship that it is. The completely devoted servant doing their best to make their master happy. In his eyes, it will be good. If you are always trying to do the things that please God, and follow his will at all times, you will be able to say. "Lord, when were you in prison and I visited you? When were you hungry and I gave you Food? When were you naked and I clothed You?" Because you walk in his will so much, and bear so much fruit, that you will not be able to remember it all. When it comes time for judgement, Jesus will say,"In so much as you did it to the least of these, you have done it unto me. Welcome into my Kingdom, my servant in whom I am well pleased."

Who is right?

2007-05-02T21:56:00.000-05:00

For a long time the question has been ask, "Which one of the churches is going to the kingdom of God, and which ones are not?" Because if you have to have be right about everything in religion to go to the kingdom, only one group can go. The group that was right.

The things that cause splits in churches are as numerous as verses in the bible. Why? Why does God have all of this divisiveness in his churches? Why do the churches keep arguing and splitting? Why wasn't God more clear on what he wanted from us like he did in the old testament? What is the purpose that God has in store for me? On and On and ON..... Isn't it great. Look at all of the debate that is had from the deliberate ambiguity. The puritans took themselves to a new continent because of their beliefs. Thus spreading the word of God. The dissension is not just a good thing, but a great thing.

After God divided the promised land among the eleven tribes of Israel. "Weren't there twelve?" Yes there were, please stop interrupting. The twelfth got no land. They got to be priests. Boy, I bet they were all thrilled with that decision about their future. Probably why they were so crappy at it. A portion of these priests were to go out unto the world and make converts of the other nations. Didn't happen. They sat around eating the food that was given in tithe and got fat. Only doing small portions of the job they were supposed to do, because they all stuck around instead of going out and spreading the word of God. Wow, what an effective use of manpower. (OK, you can't see it, but that statement is dripping in sarcasm.) So guess what, this system of choosing priests and giving exact direction got me what. A new false idol, every couple of years, a new god to be worshipped, and no one going out to be a missionary. Why not? Because they were told they had to.

The new way. Don't give direction, just give the prize at the end of the race. What does this do that the other way did not? Instead of it being demanded of you in the old way, in the new way it is freely given of the believer. Let me put it in the Blood Diamond way. "You, go dig for diamonds, but you can't have any." Not much fun, or very desired. But the new way is, "go out there and make me happy, and I will give you diamonds." What should I do to make you happy?", comes the reply. "You figure it out is the response." So what do we do to figure it out? We study the person the statement comes from to decide what will and what will not make them happy. Luckily there was a book written especially about them, telling their likes and dislikes. They discuss this with other people that want the diamonds. Some people argue about the best way to make their benefactor happy. They break into factions and separate themselves from others. They go out and ask advice of other people that they know and respect. They draw conclusions, and then go out and do what they think will get them the diamonds based on their interpretation of the book about the person giving the diamonds away.

Which way gets the commitment of the participant, being ordered about, or giving them something that they truly want as a result? Which gets more effort? Which gets more action? Which will accomplish the aim of God more readily?

The answer obviously is the new way. People are flat out inventing crap that makes God happy with us. They keep right on studying the word to find some new revelation that will give them the complete picture. But God didn't give it. So people argue over what it is, then split up. Spreading the word farther and farther and farther out across the world. Accomplishing exactly what God was trying to accomplish with the Levites. The people are committed on their own, not because they are forced to. Making the bonding even more permanent.

But down to the actual question. Who is right? The answer, most of them. "God protects his words". With this in mind, most churches have the big stuff right. How to allow God to save you? The five prerequisites, Repentance, Confession, Obedience, Belief in Jesus Sacrifice, and Faith in God, those are pretty much all taught in all churches. That is the important stuff, the rest of it is fluff. (In my opinion.) But those five prerequisites are more than enough to keep us occupied for a lifetime. So why does God make it so hard? To make it work the right way.

What Is Omniscience?

2007-04-10T19:32:00.000-05:00

I expect that at some date this will spark off a lively debate, but here are my thoughts and beliefs on it.

The biggest challenge that I see to this is separating omniscience from predestination and seeing the future. The basis of my belief stems from the fact that time is a man made invention. It is not a fourth dimension in which there is a physical reality. Man just made time up. For example, a day is 24 hours long, divided into 60 minute segments that are again separated into 60 second segments. This constitutes a photo period, (when the sun comes up to the time it sets and rises again) so a day is a photo period, or one rotation of the Earth. Where as Venus has one rotation every 243 Earth days. So their day has 5832 hours? Nope, time on earth is just something people decided on together, based on the Earth's revolutions around the sun. Way back in the day, it was mainly used to know when it was time to plant, so people did not starve. Seeds that were saved away from the food planted too early were killed if a hard freeze came. On lean years, the seed only had one chance, if it did not survive, there was no more to plant with, and people would starve in the winter. So knowing planting times, was very important, and where following the times of the year started. Not on any true scientific principle. Since time is a man made fiction, then their can be no flow of time into which the future actually exists, or is.

Omniscience by definition is knowing everything there IS to know. Since there is no future, it IS not, and cannot be known. Thus free will. Knowing the past is easy, these events have already taken place. Thus they ARE and can be known.

But what about prophecy? God says thing will happen, and they happen. Doesn't that mean he knows the future. No, it does not. It just means that he is so powerful, He can make anything happen anytime He wants. Let us put it in real terms that each of us will understand. I will make a prophecy that I will eat pizza in the future. A prophecy is a foretelling of events to come. They normally do not have any dates attached to them, meaning they can happen when God says, "OK, now is the time for such and such to happen, let it be done now." Through his power, they are done. Predestination is a little more specific, but still not definite. I have an appointment to go see the Doctor next Wednesday. That is a predestination. Now can unforeseen things happen that cause predestination to change dates. Absolutely. But since my wife wants me to go, you bet it is going to happen. So, prophecy and predestination are just ways of God stating his intentions.

This means that what we do now matters, because it actually has an effect on free will. Some will tell you that all is predetermined by God, because since he knows all, he knows the future. So no matter what you do, it has already been determined that it will happen. Sorry, no. The thing that I really like about the bible, is that again and again science proves it to be a correct and accurate statement of history. Science proves the bible. So since science can't prove time exists, it does not prove out this theory. But people will say that he predestined the "called out ones." OK, called out for what? Many people have many theories, but there is no real statement of who the called out ones were, are, or will be. So anyone eluding to this as a special thing that you should want, can not make it so, since God is the only one that can. If you were predestined before the beginning of the world, congratulations. Me I am not a called out one, just a servant of God.

So what does God know? Everything that was, is, and what he will do.

Jesus' Part

2007-03-28T21:43:00.000-05:00

"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man cometh unto the father, but by me." Jesus, through his sacrifice, ripped the veil to the holy of hollies, and created a way to the Father through himself. The Life, Jesus made it possible for our bodies to be glorified in the kingdom of God to live forever. The truth, which is the Holy Spirit, he caused a portion to be given to every man and woman giving God claim on all people unto judgement. Those who believe on him, will then be sealed by the Holy Spirit which is already in them.

Within God's Will

2007-02-27T00:20:00.001-05:00

I am being led to write this now. I do not really know where it is going to go, or how long it will be. The more I think on it the more important it becomes. This is stemming from the fact that my father and brother-in-law are pastors, and have different trains of thought on how to live for God than I do. Both of them are always talking about staying in God's laws and sinning. I on the other hand pretty much pay no attention to the laws, and focus on listening to the Holy Spirit and how he is guiding me at this moment, everyday, all the time. Each of the pastors has what they believe to be the answers on the actions one should take to be in God's will, and what is outside of his will. Most of these based in scriptures that they subscribe to. Believing if it is not in the scriptures, then it is not of God.

When looking at the Old Testament prophets, before there was a bible, how was it that they followed God? How were they to know what to do? How could they be in God's will if the be all and end all bible were not there? The answer is simple. They listened to the Holy Spirit. For in the bible, many times, it says that God told so and so to go here and there, and they went. Who was speaking to them actually? Very few times did God send an angel to show themselves to even the prophets. God did not actually show up, because as the bible says, no one on this earth can look on God and survive. The bible does not say that a being physically took form next to them and spoke words to them, it just says God spoke to them. Before the day of Pentecost, God gave the Holy Spirit to some, and at a measured amount. They were the chosen of God, and he used the HS to communicate to them. Sometimes audibly, and sometimes in compulsions, but he did communicate with them.

If God is unchanging as the bible says, then would he stop communicating to the people that he has given the HS to? No he would not. So when I say that I try to listen to the HS in all things all of the time, would I then be outside of God's will by listening to the HS even though what I am asked to do is not in the bible? NO, I would not. Law based faith was replaced by Grace based faith. Grace based faith is basically listening to the HS and obeying God in all that he asks us to do. Will God then ask us to do something outside of his law? NO. So by obeying the HS and God in all things, I then keep all of God's laws, and do his bidding at the same time, no matter what it is. Amazing. The best part about it is, I do not have to learn one law, do not have to worry if I am doing it right, and the freedom felt from that is AMAZING. It is truly just something else. That is the only way to describe the feeling. The great liberty that is in that feeling is terrific.

As Paul admonished, do not allow your liberty to cause others to fall. Just because God will forgive when you go outside of his will and his laws, does not mean you use your liberty to feel comfortable to do so. This is why the law based faith is no longer there. Men would just do what they pleased, then once a year, do what was necessary to earn forgiveness. But with no real repentance in their heart. That is why Jesus will judge the intent of the actions. If the intent was to follow God, then the action was within his will. If the intent was anything else, you are outside of his will, and will be judged accordingly. Intent of the heart, is what God replaced the law with. Because it is the only true measure of which to judge the character of the action. Again, even though the people would do the action to gain forgiveness, they were not doing it in humble repentance, but in resentment. They resented having to do these actions to get their reward later. But since they wanted the reward, they did the action. That is clearly outside of the will of God.

So, following God through the Holy Spirit, because it is what you want to do with all of your heart will keep you in his will, and within his laws. When I stand before Jesus, I do to want to say, "Lord, I knew where the Holy Spirit was leading, but what would my pastor think if I did such a thing." I want to say, "Lord, I followed you the best I knew how, and you blessed me more than I deserved. Thank You." And Jesus will say, "Yes, I know you have. Welcome into the Kingdom of Heaven. For here you will serve me still, until the end of time."

Being Like Jesus

2007-02-11T23:37:00.000-05:00

I have rejected christianity because I do not want to be associated with the Doctrinal Organizations whose goal is to be perfect, just like Christ Jesus.

Well in my rejection of the Doctrinal Organizations I set out to just obey God in all things.

Through study I have found that all Jesus did in his time on earth, was obey God in all things.

I have become closer to the ideal by rejecting the organized religions, than by embracing them.

That should make me feel vindicated and proud.

It only makes me sad.

As to where no one will really listen to me, they will listen to the Big Organization, and never reach as close to the ideal as possible because of all of the stumbling blocks there. The ignorance will continue unabated.

I Am Good, AND Worhty

2007-02-11T22:40:00.000-05:00

"For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." I do not know where that particular scripture even comes from, but I know it. "Though we live in Sin", who the hell is we? "Confess your sins for the forgiveness of God." Why? Didn't Jesus sacrifice already forgive my sins? "We are bad by nature, and only God can save us from ourselves." Who comes up with this crap anyway?

For all of the life I spent in a church. I was constantly told how horrible of a person I was. I was a sinner. Always was and always will be. You will never be good enough for God, you are soooooooo lucky he is merciful, otherwise he would let you lie in the gutter like the piece of trash you are. WOW what motivational, uplifting, positive feelings these sermons invoke. My favorite is, you are not worthy. YOU ARE NOT WORTHY. I think the most damaging statement of ALL, is that statement right there. It plays upon almost all peoples small fears of their self esteem. Those with self esteem issues will never be lifted up, and those without them, will develop them in the face of not being able to be the ideal. Thus the oppression that most people feel when going to church.

Now, unless I have a completely different God from the rest of the universe, mine is omnipotent, omnipresent and omniscient. Omniscient means that he knows all, so he isn't dumb. So If he isn't dumb, why would he give up his most prize possession to save me? Because I am worthy.

The next thing that I want to talk about is our nature. It is said that the nature of all humans is evil. Mine is not. So, since mine is not. That statement is not true. There are some who are so innocent and wonderful, that anyone that make a stupid statement like that, does not look for the good in the world, just the bad. That person may be bad, but that doesn't make everyone like them.

What is the point of all of this. It is about GUILT. We are taught to be ashamed of who we are, what we do, what we think, what we say, what we eat, who we speak to, what we laugh at, who we are seen with, where we are seen, what we are seen doing, what we wear, how we cut our hair, etc........ No matter what doctrine, they ALL have a prescribed behavioral pattern that is accepted, and not accepted. Then, if you step outside of that, someone some to you and says, "Because I love you, I need to tell you...." and then they proceed to tell you why you suck. But the worst part of the guilt, is not because they told you this. Maybe you do suck. But, from the fact that you let down someone you love, so much. God. The feeling that you are not making him happy is devastating. That is used against us way more than it should be. Trying to keep us on the straight and narrow. Basically, following the Doctrinal Organizations behavior pattern. But not Martin Luther, Billy Graham, The Pope, Pat Robertson, Oral Roberts, or anyone is going to be standing with me on judgement day. Just me. So it is between me and my God. If this is so, their opinions of me DO NOT MATTER AT ALL. I can brush off a pastor telling me I am going to hell, a priest excommunicating me,(that one actually makes me laugh, a dumbass little priest telling God who he can and cannot accept, that is hilarious) anyone telling me I won't go to heaven, that I am a blasphemer, heretic, sinner or a devil. Why can I brush this off, because God's opinion is the only one that matters to me, so screw 'em. Yeah there is a little venom there, but DOs are the only place you will find people knifing their wounded. knifing the healthy, knifing the young in Christ, the Old in Christ, hell, they knife everybody. Ridiculous.

Luckily I am a good person, so I refrain from all of that stuff by ignoring those fine established religions.

In the end, it comes to this. We are all basically Good people, Decent people, who love our families and try to do what is right. This makes us something that is valuable, not just to those around us, but to God as well. So valuable in fact, that he gave to us, his most valued thing, his son. Not only did he deem us worthy enough to give us his son, but to allow him to be sacrificed, on earth, and tortured in hell. For me that is a lot of worthiness to live up to, and I strive everyday to live up to God's expectations of my worthiness.

The Hardest Thing Ever

2007-01-23T22:52:00.000-05:00

He you become a believer, God will rain his blessings upon you. Ask and ye shall receive. You will go to heaven, where the streets are paved with gold. You will be an angel and be able to bask in the glory of the Lord forever. Etc. etc. etc.......

How many times as a believer have you heard the lines above to describe what becoming or being a "christian" is all about. I call it the "Christian Lottery" line that is given to non-believers in order to get them to convert. Why does the mainstream evangelical complex lie to gain converts. Because to them, the end justifies the means. To me, it means that being a believer and a servant of God, is the biggest let down that there is.

He will purify us by throwing us in the fire, as a goldsmith purifies Gold. This means, that God will continually be throwing us things that we do not like. Things that burn away anything that we hold onto in this life. Things that we truly hold dear, and do not want to let go. He will take away our pride, our love of material possessions like clothes, cars and houses. He will take away anything that gets in the way of our relationship with him. Why, to make us into the vessel he would like us to be, not the one we want to be. All God asks, is utter-complete-total surrender, absolute obedience, and implicit reliance on him. Isn't that great, we get nothing to call our own. But we do get to be one of God's Children. Being a believer is the same as being a servant, for eternity. That is why it is the hardest thing ever.

When we have no control over our lives, we have to live by faith. True faith is the hardest road to follow. The path is straight and narrow, and few can stay on it. People normally stray because of comfort. "Hey this job pays a ton!" Or, "this little lie will get me out of so much hot water." Or, "They didn't charge me for it, why should I tell them they made a mistake." Or, "No one saw me hit the car, I'm not leaving a note." All to your benefit and comfort. Doing the right thing in all of those situations is really hard. Others stray for tangible security. Money in the bank. Medical insurance at this job. Retirement planning. But God asks us just to rely on him. That is why it is the hardest thing ever, it is very hard to trust everything to faith.

My grandfather loves to talk about LMDs, last minute deliveries. Meaning God delivers us from our troubles at the last possible moment. Why, because by then we KNOW we are helpless to control the situation, and that deliverance can only have come from God. Even putting it this mildly, it does not even begin to describe the difficulty of the situations we as servants face, and face often. God systematically runs us through his boot camp, by tearing down any structured belief we had about ourselves, and replacing it with Himself. Where we once had self reliance, we now only have God. The ripping of those things away from us is EXTREMELY painful. That is why it is the hardest thing ever.

Why with all of this trouble should we become Believers and life long Servants. It is obviously the benefits. If God is in control of everything, and he is, he will always take care of you and give you what you need. Not what you want, what you need. He will give you the Liberty of spirit, peace, comfort, the feeling of security, love, and wisdom. None of these has a monetary value really, but spiritually, they are priceless. When Grace finally descends upon your spirit, there is no better feeling in the world. Nothing more free or wonderful. Nothing better than knowing that I don't have to worry, because at the last minute, God will take care of me. Yes it is the hardest thing ever, but the most rewarding thing ever.

Works Because Of Faith

2007-01-17T11:42:00.000-05:00

This is the hotly contested issue surrounding the DO (doctrinal organization/church of today) in the world today when measuring the doctrines they have, versus a Grace based "Servant" belief. They point out, and rightly so, that being a "Christian" there are things that you must do to enter the Kingdom Of God.(KOG) The proof of this is in Matthew 25 verses 31 through 46. This is where is describes Jesus judgement of all men. Please read it at this point from whatever version of bible that you choose to use. It describes Jesus separating the Goats from the Sheep. There is a lot of significance if that. Goats were put among the sheep to protect them because they were headstrong and would not follow easily, and would attack things that they did not like around them. This is why they were kept with the sheep. This is the perfect analogy for the Servant based belief system versus the DO works based belief system. The servant based belief system says that we follow God where ever he leads, just like sheep will. The goats will not follow as they should. They will believe that what they are doing is the correct thing and God will see that what they do, will show how they feel, and how deep their faith in Jesus runs. Either way, Jesus is judging the actions that we have taken in our lives, and determining whether they are "works guided by the Holy Spirit (HS) or guided by our own desires and beliefs. Now that the set up is over, let's get to it.

I have spoken of Core Beliefs in other posts, and these go to the heart of the matter in obedience to God. Not once, have I ever heard of any DO anywhere, explaining why, when the sheep look at God and say, "When did we feed, cloth, take you in, or give you drink?" To me, this is the most important part of the WHOLE parable. The why, is that they did not know they were doing it. You say "How is it possible not to know you are doing those things?" Because of Core Beliefs. What CBs do is cause you to act automatically, and without thought. When a situation arises that needs immediate reaction, CBs take over, and you act according to what you believe. For example, you find yourself in a situation with a person that looks likely to beat you up almost immediately. Based on CBs, you can choose to do certain things. If you do not believe in violence, you may try to reason, or find a way out of the situation. If you believe that what the person is upset about important enough not to back down, you may stand your ground and prepare to fight. Or you believe yourself to be stronger than the other person and attack. Same situation, and three very different responses. But, not uncommon responses, only unconscious reactions. This is why people do not know that they help the least of these. Because they do it without thinking about it, since it is no big deal, they do not remember it. That is what being a servant of God is all about. Following like a sheep, no questions, no doubts, no worries, no what about me's, no HESITATION. Just OBEDIENCE. Obedience so ingrained, that you do not even notice when you are doing it. This is going to sound crude, but it gets the point across. Do you remember the details of wiping your butt two weeks ago? It is something that to most of us is important. It is something that I truly believe is a good thing. Something I do everyday, well pretty much everyday. But it does not leave a lasting impression on me. It is a learned behavior, one that I had to be taught. One that I believed important enough to continue my whole life. It is a Core Belief of mine, and I always act upon it, even though it does not leave an impression. Were our beliefs in God as strong as our belief in wiping our own butts, the world would truly be a better place. Sorry, stray thought. But powerful none the less.

Now to the DOs versions of works. This is where the Goats say, "But Lord, I did visit the least of these in prison, gave them food, and took them in!" "ON December 17th, 2003 our church group went to the prison for a visit. On Thanksgiving the next year, we volunteered in a soup kitchen. For Easter Seals we formed up a clothing drive every year." Listing the good works they had done on and on. Why now would these things be remembered. Because they were out of the ordinary. They stood out. They were not the norm. It was something that the person had to tell themselves that, "Hey, this is what Jesus says we should do, so I am going to make myself do it to show Jesus that I am good enough for heaven." So they teach Sunday School, even though they really do not like doing it. They do daily devotions, so they can talk about what they have read in church later that week. They can spout of all of the things they do to make sure Jesus is happy with them. But it is not automatic, it is not a core belief, and it does not please the one that gave Jesus the authority to be the Judge. God. God gave the Holy Spirit to each and every one of us, to help us discern his will for us. When we listen to what the DOs tell us to do to get Jesus notice and approval, we have already lost the battle. Because we are not to listen to what the DO told us to do, we are supposed to listen to what God tells us to do through the Holy Spirit.

That is why the Goats are in with the Sheep in the story. I believe the story is about the "church". The Goats and the Sheep the different people in the church, and what God thinks about them. Most people remember Dana Carvey's character the Church Lady. Anyone who has been in a DO very long, knows people like the church lady. They are definitely the Goats. And there are many who are. But the only reassuring thing is Grace. Jesus will be able to see through the why of the act, and get to the intent of the act. Was it to show Jesus you are good enough for him? Or was it because the belief was so strong, you did it with out conscious thought, and just obeyed God. Jesus will judge, with God's authority behind him, how well you listened to the Holy Spirit.

The works that bear fruit come because of listening to the Holy Spirit. The works come because they are born of Faith that created the Core Beliefs that guide everyday actions. The works come because, you can not stop them. But no person on the planet, PERIOD, can tell you what the mind of GOD is expecting of you. NO ONE. Not you Pastor, Priest, Rabbi, or Reverend can tell you what God wants you to do. Why, because only God knows his plan for you, and only the Holy Spirit can tell it to you. No one else can, PERIOD, END OF STORY.

Conscience and the Will of God

2006-12-28T23:11:00.000-05:00

Terminology:
DO = Doctrinal Organization- I use this instead of Church. Because I know of no church in the sense that God Intended.
Servant = what DOs would term a Christian. I believe our purpose on this earth is to serve God. Nothing else.
HS = Holy Spirit

The conscience is how God speaks to us. On the blog Wendy quoted saying that the conscience is to convict, comfort, and to guide us to the truth. She is absolutely correct, God couldn't put it any better himself. (just a hint at my humor, that was a joke because it was God that put it that way) The biggest thing that people want to know is "What would God have me do?" There are two things that he provided to help us know that. The first is the bible . Now here is the rub, when it was said 2,000 years ago to 12 people in the room, was is just for those people, or was it for everyone? DOs love to pick an choose those and tell you what you have to do if you want God to approve of you. Well that brings us to the second thing that God gave us to know his will, the Conscience. We have all suffered from a guilty conscience and normally that is all we know the conscience does. But, the moment you chose to follow God, an overwhelming since of Joy, Peace, Warmth, Love, Understanding, came over you. That was the Holy Spirit saying, "Welcome, new servant of God. Welcome to the fold." That is the comfort that the bible is talking about. When you feel God's arms around you making you feel safe, that is the conscience at work. The last is the connection to God. For I am the way, the TRUTH, and the life. Jesus sacrifice allowed the Truth to be given to every man. Who or much better yet, what is the TRUTH. The Truth is the Holy Spirit. The HS is what guides the conscience of a man or woman. Those who have no conscience have basically decided they are not going to listen to God ever. When you pray, the HS will answer in your conscience, you must just be willing to listen to it.

God will also use the HS to test you through the conscience. Knowing God's will normally comes from a peace on a decided course of action. What if that peace will not come. That is where the test comes in. You will never see it when it is happening. But may recognize it after it is gone. Let me relate a personal tale from this last year. With circumstances beyond our control, our family ended up needing about $200-$250 dollars every month to make the ends meet. This started in February last year. In March, we had no idea of how we were going to keep food on the table, or clothes on our backs. When all of the sudden, a check showed up from my Grandfather for $250. April, a check from sister for $200. May, a check from her brother (not a servant) $250. June, needed to get my car fixed, my brother loaned me the money, then ask for $200 dollars less than I borrowed to be repaid. July, fridge broke, parents offered to pay up to $500 to get it fixed. We had done our taxes and were going to get money back. Told my parents we did not need the money. Fridge cost $250 they sent $500. Then we found out an error had occurred on our taxes, and the money was delayed. We didn't know, but God did. August, other car broke, $660, no money in the bank. Tax return came in the day we had to pay and pick it up. Through this whole time, with all of the praying, "God you have me where you want me, its your problem, you work it out." I had no peace about the situation. But for the seven months we went through, we never missed paying a bill on time. The tax return was big enough that we did not have to worry for a while. Then looking back, I noticed who had helped, when, and why. Once a month, almost on the same day every month, God had a check there waiting on us. Then I recognized it for what it was. A test of faith, "will you rely on me?" I had many job offers during this time, they would have Clearly helped my financial situation. But did not take them, because they were not where God wanted me. For my obedience I was rewarded with the comfort that no matter what happens, my God is with me, and will take care of me.

Onward. Listening to the HS is a difficult thing at first. WHY? Because he asks you to do strange things, and you do not know why you do them, you just have to. So, most people tune that part of themselves out. What are some of the things that I have done? Stepped ahead in line and made up around $4-$5 dollars someone was missing in the checkout line in front of me. 2 groups of people in front of me, that I had to fight through to get there. But the person took the help. Would you have unless you really needed it. I normally pay absolutely no attention to the people ahead of me in the checkout line. Can't tell you what ANY of them ever looked like. Then he had me pick up the old lady drunk, and buy her beer. What was that all about. With my four year old son in the car. Talk about uncomfortable. Are you willing to listen this closely? Are you willing to stand up in front of 300 people, in a special gathering and start doubling numbers with no one in the room knowing what you are doing, not even your wife. 1,2,4,8,16,32,64,128,256,512,1024,2048,4096,8192, my grandfather got to 100,000 something before he sat down. That was the second time he tried it. The night before he couldn't take the embarrassment and sat down before 100. When people say "we are willing to follow God", are you truly willing to listen, and obey instantly. No matter what. If not, the communication with the HS gets smaller and smaller.

If you are NOT truly willing, why would God talk to you? Especially if you are not going to listen.

Knowing whether you are feeling conviction or breaking another's expectations is the next section. When you think about the conviction you are receiving, are you saying, God I am sorry. Or are you thinking, what will the people at the DO think if they find out about this? If it is God's conviction, there will probably be fewer thoughts about the DO than not following God. Now if you are always thinking :What will pastor say?" Reevaluate your faith, because it is not about what pastor thinks, it is about what Jesus our Judge thinks. If you are not focused on him, then you have not TRULY given yourself to him. I digress. The conviction of the spirit is there pretty much always making you miserable all the time until the conviction is taken care of. Like Jon said of his thought life with his wife. If it is not of God, but disappointing some one else, when you stop thinking about how that person will be disappointed, then you feel just fine and it doesn't matter. But learn to listen to both, and know which is which. Because sometimes the disappointing of a person, by not being honest, lying, etc.. will cause God to come down on you, and until you make it right with that person, your conscience will continue to bother you. Just pray and ask God to reveal to you what it is. And the LISTEN even if you do not like the answer.

When do you know it is God that is talking, and not something else? Just some lamebrained scheme. Well, the peace and comfort of God lead to the TRUTH. I read the cross and the switchblade the other day. David Wilkerson is a good person to read about following the HS immediately. When you have an idea in your head that won't go away, and you do not feel at peace except when you are following that idea, that is the HS. When you pray that you have some great need, even though it has not been met yet, you feel peace. That is God saying, it has already been taken care of. You can worry if you want, but it is a waste of time. I've got you. That is the HS. MANY Pastors will not put much stock in this. It screws with their DOCTRINE that they believe to be true. Ignore that, because when you stand in front of Jesus on the day of Judgment, you will not be able to say, "well pastor so and so said it was fine." If you think Jesus is going to buy that, I've got something to sell you. You are responsible for your own faith, and if you disobey God, he will know, and you will have to answer for it. Not anyone else.

This is where the call for verses that this idea of mine came from, well, my reading retention is below 17% and I do not remember chapter and verse, never will. God made me that way for a reason. Don't know why, I just obey.
Nate

To be a "Servant"

2006-12-28T22:11:00.000-05:00

Having been raised in a "church" environment, I have been able to see a lot of differing views on every part of christianity. There are a few things that I believe to be true that many people in one Doctrine or another do not believe. This has made my spiritual life more difficult and easier at the same time.

On the difficult side, there is no longer anyone with whom I can turn to to find out what I am to do to be a good christian. Why, because I have moved beyond them. My grandfather asked my father, who is a pastor, and knows hundreds of pastors, "How many pastors do you know that spend at least an hour a day in the word? Can you count them on one hand?" My father replied, "I can count them on two fingers." He was referring to himself, and one other. That makes me very proud of him. But, there in lies the rub. How can we, if we do as God asks us to do and hide the word in our hearts, not surpass those who are to teach us, if we spend more time than they do, and learn more than they do. That is what makes it difficult. Because I TRULY believe that God will not show you a truth from his word until you are ready to understand it. If you never grow through study, how can you then be ready. And if you do follow God's direction, and study the word to find the new truth. How will you be able to explain it to someone who is not ready to have that truth revealed to them. God will keep them blind to it no matter what you try to do to explain it to them. So, you end up on the outside of their Doctrine and are no longer welcome to be a teacher in their organization. Because they believe that you are no longer of value to their organization, but a detriment. Then if you continue to teach, they, according to the bible, cast you out of that organization, as the bible commands them to.

This is why I will NEVER YIELD MY MIND OR SPIRIT TO A DOCTRINE. Why? Doctrines are unyielding, they are complete, they are their own self fulfilling prophecies, they make learning the new truths of the bible irrelevant because the truth is already known. WHAT COMPLETE BULLSHIT. That is why the pastors do not study. They already have the answers, chapter and verse. Why look any more? That is why, the pastorate in the world is so bible illiterate. I bet Satan was the happiest Spirit in the universe when he got people to buy in to Doctrines. That is why I call the church of today, not "church", but Doctrinal Organizations.

Do they have their uses, absolutely. I am not opposed to DOs, because they really do help. They teach that the way to "Heaven" is to Repent, Confess, Believe on the sacrifice of Jesus, Faith in God, and most importantly Obedience to God, through he Holy Spirit. That is correct. So that is good. It is the other stuff that deludes the people into doing things that they believe they have to, to keep God happy with them. Preaching works, or fruits, as things that will get them to heaven. I do not know if I will ever go to heaven. But I will be in the kingdom of God. The thing with me is, I am supposed to do as God wants me to do, not my DO. What if I do not feel led of God to do the things my DO wants me to do. If I do them, am I then in the will, or outside the will of God? Why is this important? I will tell you why. "Those who are in the Lamb's Book of Life will be allowed to enter the Kingdom Of God." (KOG) Only one person can erase your name from the LBOL, that is Jesus. Who God gave the authority to be our Judge. Will Jesus say, "Since pastor So&So said it was what you were to do, it is OK." I'm not putting any money on that one. That is where the DOs give me problems again, they pigeon hole you into "approved" roles. Missionary, Pastor, choir, sunday school teacher, etc... What happened to the good friend at work who explains the bible questions that people have to them. But does not go to a DO. That would not be an approved "Purpose Filled Life". Even through all of that, Jesus still judges the intent of the heart. If someone did go through all of the motions the DO ask them to, but did it with true SERVICE in their heart, Jesus will judge that accordingly.

Why will Jesus judge intent? It is the only true measure. For example, if someone works 60 hours a week, and follows one thing God asks them to to a week, and does it with a correct heart. That is better than someone who does not work, but volunteers all of the time and does 100 Good works a week, just to look better in the eyes of others at their DO, and be able to say that so & so isn't pulling their weight at the DO and judge them. God does not want correct actions, as much as he just wants you. He wants all of you. If you serve him in whatever capacity, with the correct heart, he will honor his covenant. Also if God did not judge intent of the heart, but actions, we would still have the sacrifice system. Since the Israelites went through the motions to have their sins forgiven, they believed that they no longer had to obey God. Because they would be forgiven by the making the correct sacrifices. So they did whatever they wanted. God got sick of that in a hurry and found a different way to honor his covenant with Abraham.

This is the easy part. Just to follow the spirit, and do it with the right heart. The freedom in that truly is SOMETHING ELSE. Nice title for your blog Jon. I did not even know it came from me until I reread the letter I sent to you. You still must have those five things to be considered for the KOG. Repentance, Confession, the sacrifice God made of his only begotten son Jesus, faith in God, and Obedience to God. I will talk about these later, but for now, being a servant. The easy part, just be God's servant. I am not a christian, I do not try to be like Jesus, the Christ. zi judt try to br me, because, that is what God made me. I do not think he made a mistake. I am the way I am supposed to be, so I do not try to be anything else. I try to be a SERVANT of God. Doing what he asks of me when he asks it of me no matter the embarrassment to me. I do it gladly, because he cares for, and takes care of, me. What more could I ask for?